To have our engagement party near us?

[Poppie96]

DP and I recently got engaged, all lovely, and I’m not too fussed about a party but both our families are pushing for one.

We live slightly nearer DPs family, my family are about a 30 min drive away, though DP has lots of family up north too.

Ive found a lovely venue, a function room in a pub near us, in the city we live in, and got a very good deal and really happy with it. My family however are moaning that we’ve not picked somewhere more central to both sets of families -aka closer to them. The venue doesn’t have any parking, but there is plenty of on street parking and most people will be drinking anyway - but they are moaning about lack of parking and cost of getting a taxi.

I have some friends travelling from the same town they’re coming from, it’s been suggested we put on a bus for them, is this normal for an engagement party? We have his family from up north and uni friends from hours away who are making the trip and none have complained about transport hotels etc, though I totally understand if anyone can’t make it. I have offered to all friends and family that we have a spare room and 2x sofas if anyone wants to stay at ours after.

I said I wanted somewhere close to us so we aren’t going too far for setting up, and for leaving our pets, and just generally because it’s where we live. I’ve been told I’m being selfish by my family. Am I being unreasonable?

Im now getting so stressed out about a party I didn’t even want in the first place!

To be honest, I’d probably just not bother having one - you don’t want one, it’s become a stress and a hassle, so fuck it, I’d just live without one.

I didn’t think they were a thing anymore. If they’re been arsey over this I would elope for the wedding.

I too would cancel it OP. You didn't want it, half the people who did are causing you stress, just cancel and be done with it. Oh, and bear in mind if you've had this much shit over an engagement, what's it going to be like when you get married? I think I'd be planning a romantic wedding a deux, somewhere exotic!😍

I'd go with this approach - maybe go for meal when next visiting families instead.

Have a party and don't invite them.

I don’t think I have ever been to one!

You’re having an engagement party you don’t want in order to please other people…who aren’t pleased? Honestly, OP-what’s the point?!

How much is this farce costing you?!

Anecdotally, every engagement party I've ever been to went in to never have an actual wedding. So as the PP said, don't bother. It's a lot of money and you're not arsed and it's causing you grief. Save the money and put it aside for the wedding.

Well it is a red flag for your wedding. Make sure you don't let them bamboozle you.

If you give in to these demands just for an engagement party (which nobody does anymore) then they'll be pushing the boundaries even more for your wedding.

If one time you're allowed to be selfish is for your nuptials. Whatever celebrations that may entail. Guests can accept or decline their invites, but don't get sucked into pandering to their every whim. They don't have to come if they don't like the set up you're going for.

Or, just cancel it and dedicate all your money and efforts into YOUR wedding.

My biggest regret was cancelling our plans to elope abroad because in laws made us feel guilty. I then spent months of stress planning things to suit every fucker else, which still wasn't quite to everyone's liking. And spent a bleeding fortune in the process. And spent my entire wedding day stressed and in pain with the worst IBS flare up of my life.

Do what suits you and our other half. Which includes not having an engagement party if that's what you'd actually prefer.

Don't have one if you don't want one.

If you do have one, have it where you want.

Don't let them all dictate details of your wedding!!

YABU for agreeing to a costly engagement party (for you & guests) when you didn’t even want one. If you can cancel and not lose much money would do so.

Tell them they can have their own party for whatever reason they want, but you won't be having an engagement party!

I didn’t think people actually had engagement parties at such a level - people will be paying enough to attend the wedding so it does seem OTT to have to attend a second party for the same celebration.

Whatever you decide stick to whatever makes you and your partner most happy and buckle up for the wedding because if they’re already moaning now it doesn’t set a very easy going president.

I’d be inclined to remind people that an invitation is not a summons, it’s an invite and they’re more than welcome to decline!

Im now getting so stressed out about a party I didn’t even want in the first place!

So don't have it then! Just meet up with your mates in the pub, have a few drinks to "celebrate" then go home.

Cancel it and consider yourself forewarned about what they’ll be like about your wedding.

This doesn’t bode well for the actual wedding.

Cancel the engagement party. You’ll have enough on with hen/ stag dos, planning, preparing and the wedding itself.

Yeah partner and I are chatting about cancelling….. the function was non-refundable, I’d paid £250 for the room and a small buffet, but thinking I can speak to the pub/ maybe advertise on a local fb page that someone else can have the night? His family have been totally fine over the venue it’s my family causing all the problems!

interesting hearing that engagement parties aren’t a thing anymore as I have been to a few in the last few years - however my family are from way out in the countryside so maybe a bit more traditional.

i should have seen this coming after similar issues with both sisters weddings, but i just thought being the last one, they’ve done it twice already and would be less controlling

Just cancel it. Too much drama.

Cancel and save the money. You should never be pushed to host a social event because you are pushed by other people's expectations, anyway. I'd never expect it of my adult kids.