To feel guilty?

[pollypocke]

Long story short...
me and my partner both mid 20s, bought our first home 2 years ago. We knew we couldn't concieve naturally and needed ivf. We understood children may never be an option for us.
We chose our house based on the very limited budget we had, the house itself, large garden, front garden, 3 bedrooms etc. the area seemed ok, council estate but some private owned houses, close to schools and some lovely walks for our dogs.
Fast forward to today and I can't help but feel guilty we don't live in a nicer area for our little one. He's just turned 1 and I feel so guilty for not being able to provide 'more'
There are some rough characters, some illegal activity (drugs, petty crime, anti social behaviour...) but at the same time some lovely people. Our neighbours are absolutely lovely, inviting us over for drinks etc and the area is mostly occupied by families.
Does anyone else feel guilty for this? I'd love to move, maybe in a few years when our fixed rate comes to an end, but for now I can't help but feel guilty that we don't live in a 'nicer/safer' area.

His happiness will absolutely not be determined by this, nothing at all to feel guilty about.

Lovely neighbours are worth their weight in gold. Is the street you live on OK? Quiet enough to play out on once older?

Our circs are similar. Never held my kids back. Lovely schools where they met friends for life. Both now in excellent jobs. If you are good parents who want the best then your influence will guide them. Don’t worry

Thank you for this, I needed to hear it ❤️

As I say, it's mostly families who live round here there are just a few who bring it down so yeah there's always plenty of kids out playing and we have a park not too far away

Thank you! It's not the worst place to live in the world but just hard when you wish you could give more x

I understand completely OP. I grew up in a nice area. My parents weren't rich by any means. But it was nice house, nice street, nice neighbours, good schools etc.

Long story short, after having to leave my ex I am now stuck in a small pokey house in a shit hole. I'm gutted that my kids won't have the upbringing I had. But I do what I can for them to try and replicate it in other ways.

I'm sorry you're feeling similar to me! I do try and remind myself though that we're in a very different world now to when I was younger. I lived in a very quiet village, my mum and dad had a nice 3 bed semi with woodlands as the back garden. They bought their house for £7k with only 1 income in the 80's and the house is worth around £200k now!

Your mid twenties why are you resigning yourself to never moving/ never earning more?

They'll be fine, if anything it sounds very diverse and that's great for young dcs to get exposure to that. In London where we are, the houses are expensive but the area is mixed with pockets of poverty next to multimillion pound houses, and there are drug issues, homelessness, ASB but the dcs aren't affected by it. Would much rather be here than an identikit suburb, it's good for them to be aware of others with different lives.

I live in the most desirable and expensive area in our LEA. Very middle class area. As an ex secondary teacher I’m also
aware that the secondary school we’re in the catchment area of has the worst drug problems of all the schools in the LEA.

I know, I need to keep reminding myself that we can move and we don't have to stay here forever. I suppose at the moment it's just impossible. I'm currently off work sick so we wouldn't be able to get another mortgage at the moment anyway but hopefully when I'm back earning we can plan to move. It's difficult at the moment too with house prices

Surely you bought and within a year were pregnant? That must be recent enough that you can remind yourself of all the positives that made you choose the house in the first place and focus on those.

We bought and moved in just before we started our first round of IVF. We were given very low odds of ivf working for us so we were expecting it to take years if we ever got pregnant at all. I gave birth around a year after moving in so I already knew the area more. We didn't know the area at all before moving in. We love the house itself it's great for us for now although we have always planned to upsize at some point

Focus on what you have!

In the nicest possible way, you are being daft!

Thank you! I know I'm 100% being silly, I suppose social media doesn't help either and comparing what we have to what others have etc, I know I'm incredibly lucky to have my family and our home

Don't feel guilty! You are providing for your child. It's probably not even that bad. I lived in a similar area when my son was born, the only reason we moved was for financial ones