Household chores

[Familylife789]

I work two days a week by my own choice as I value having more time with ds over extra money and dp works 5 days a week, the 2 days I work ds is in childminders. We split all household bills 50/50 so I’m not benefiting in any way from him working so much and he makes maybe 5 times a week what I make. I have just enough money to pay my half of the bills and make sure ds has a good quality of life but as for anything for me that’s out the window. On a good day he can make what I make in a month in 1 day (self employed weather permitting job) Up until now I’ve took on all home admin tasks, chores, dinners etc but now I’m thinking these should also be split evenly between us. Money has always been a sore topic as dp was under the impression I would return to work full time before ds went to school so refuses to contribute anything extra to the house. Should I be expecting him to do more around the house?

Bill your partner for all of the skivvy work you do and then you'll be making plenty of money.

I'd be seriously reconsidering your relationship if I were you.

Ltb

There are always so many posts about men who think it’s ok to not support their families financially. On your days off work you are providing care to your partner’s ds and looking after the family home. DP should compensate for this by putting more into the family finances. And put something away in your own savings each month too.

I do about 80% of the childcare still as he leaves about 9 and doesn’t get home till maybe 6 or so, how do I approach this with him? Any time I bring it up all I get back is I could be working more and it’s my choice not to work more than 2 days. I’m not looking to be living off him for free but it’s hard to find any money for myself even something small to get my eyebrows done or buy myself any clothes

You don't have a partnership. You're basically flatmates.

Are nursery costs split 50:50 as well? In that case he needs to pay you out the full costs of the additional day and a half you're saving him (or simpler, you deduct an equivalent amount from yiur bills contribution.) And yes, he needs to do a full 50 percent of chores.

I actually pay for the childcare on my own he hasn’t contributed to that in the 5 months since I’ve been back at work

Why?? The child is his responsibility, too. Why are you tolerating this?

So he wants you to work full time, pay all the childcare and doesn’t help at home- he’s a catch OP

Split costs (inc childcare) proportionately to income

Work out the costs as above if you worked more

Make plans to leave. He'll have to do some life stuff then

He wanted his parents to watch him while I worked but I’m not comfortable with that, their idea of babysitting is sitting him infront of the tv with as much chocolate as he can eat until he throws up. There’s been a number of issues in the past where they’ve watched him and his own sister has raised concerns about how they cope with him and they’ve had him two days since I’ve started work and he’s been sick and the state of him returning home was horrible. He had no Calpol or nurofen all day, he had whooping cough and then hand foot and mouth. Medicine was provided and times to give each dose but they decided he didn’t need any. He came home and screamed in my arms for almost an hour just crying mammy over and over again. So I’ve said no id be happier if he goes to a childminder to interact with other kids and learn social skills, so in his mind the childcare costs are unnecessary and since it’s my choice to do that I should pay for her

So he wants to splits costs as if you were working full time, but chores as if you're not.

He wants it both ways.

You are not a team OP. He's either going to be a partnership in the team or just basically going each to their own as he is now.
Yes he thinks his parents could do the childcare but the family decision is childminder. So the family stand behind that and he coughs up. Otherwise where does it stop? He doesn't have a period so deducts cost of tampax from the weekly shop? He doesn't like broccoli so won't pay for that? DS decides he wants to play rugby so DP won't drive him because DP likes football not rugby?

He needs to accept he won't always agree with everything 100pc but you support each other as a team

Household chores is the least of your problems OP. LTB, why are you wasting your time with such a useless partner and a father? You deserve better than this.

He's being massively unfair but your only way out of this is to work full time. Force 50/50 on everything.

You need to think about your future career and earning potential, not just the immediate day to day costs.

I can't see this relationship with a skinflint working out, by the time your kid is in school and costs reduce, I imagine you'll be in a position to dump the tightarse and have a much better life.

In the meantime, reduce your contributions to household bills. You can't afford it.