Hi. I’ve just come here to offload really and I suppose get some advice as I am not doing great I myself right now. I’ll start by saying I’m 40 and I have autism and adhd. Whilst I’m this isn’t specifically adhd related i guess the fact I have autism/adhd and other things going on plays a part as it affects how I perceive things and cope with life.
Ok so here goes. I’m sorry it’ll probably be a long one lol. The main thing that is making me feel miserable (and extremely anxious) is my living situation. Now I realise that I’m lucky to have a roof over mine and my families head but I find it unbearable living here. We’ve been here over 3 years and unfortunately have a nightmare next door neighbour who would party constantly until all hours, smoke weed stinking out our house in the process, have their dogs barking until all hours etc. I put up with this for two years and I eventually reported them to the housing association as I felt I had no choice. I got a load of abuse for that! Some things have died down since but the worst thing is that their kids (and the kids friends) run wild in the street from morning until night playing football and they purposely play outside of my house which I expect is encouraged by my next door neighbour. The kids are from around 9-12 so they aren’t little so you’d think they’d play on the grassy area across the way which would be safer for these kids to play as opposed to being in front of my house in the middle of the road but no.
I’ve politely asked them a few times if they could move and I’m met with abuse or them laughing at me. I’ve spoken to the parents and got full on abuse and screamed at. The worst thing is I work at the local primary school and a couple of these kids are in the class I am in. Now in school they are polite and respectful towards me as I guess they have to be but at home where they know they can get away with it (because the parents facilitie it) they are horrible to me. I had to buy a ring doorbell as they repeatedly hit my car front windows and front door with their footballs. I have bad anxiety which I’m medicated for but when these kids are outside constantly screaming (on purpose) outside of my house for up to 12 hours a day well it makes for a pretty miserable life especially when all you want to do is to be able to relax in your own home or read a book. The children’s behvahour plus constant noise and general anti social behaviour from others in our street means I don’t want to be in my house and in the warmer months I avoid coming home if possible.
The fact I’m perimenopausal doesn’t help either as I have less tolerance overall and even now I’m on HRT my anxiety hasn’t lessened just the physical symptoms. In fact the older I get the more anxious I am. At work considering I’m surrounded by kids i’m absolutely fine and the majority or the kids are lovely and as they know I always make time for them (not all staff can ir do) they like me and get excited when they see me which is sweet. So yeah it’s not like I despise children if i did I wouldn’t work there I’d go and get a job at Tesco and actually get paid more lol.
I’m trying not to be miserable around my husband and kids but my relationship with my husband is incredibly strained at the moment. He can see I’m miserable and some days all I want to do is just sit on the couch crank my tv up loud (so I can’t hear the racket as much outside) and just not talk. It’s an effort just to communicate with him some days but I do try my best. It’s not his fault don’t get me wrong but at the same time I don’t feel he makes much effort in with our relationship either and things have become boring. Our sex life has dwindled from once/twice a a week to probably once or twice a month and not even that lately. At first this was due to my husband as he was alwyas tired and in my opinion couldn’t be bothered. I’d try and initiate and get rejected and this kept happening so now i’ve stop initiating. Last night he actually assumed I’d be up for going to bed but he hadn’t communicated that’s what he wanted to do and I ended up getting a bit mad as it was like he just expected me to jump on command although to him he didn’t feel it was like that.
We have been together 22 years and I love him but I’m worried we are falling apart. We also have 3 children two who are adults but our youngest child who’s a teenager has autism/adhd and understandably he’s going through puberty so his hormones are all over the place and things are tough for him so that’s an extra challenge. I feel such a failure at life and wish we had the money to go and buy our own house away from the misery that it our street. We’ve seen a mortgage advisor and technically we can afford a small mortgage but due to our ages (mid 40’s) and other factors we would need a decent deposit and we don’t have that sadly. I just feel trapped in this life right now and want to run away but I can’t can I. I just have to keep plodding on but I don’t no how much longer I can continue living like this and feeling this way. I’m quite a strong person well I was before perimenopause but I’m actually worried I’m going to crack.