AIBU about my DD’s birthday cake?

[FisherSpice]

Please help me get some perspective. It’s my DD’s 6th birthday this week. We usually have a family gathering at mine to celebrate but this year DM offered to host it at her house. Only 8 of us (DM, DF, my 3 siblings, me, my DD and my DS) as DP was working.

DM wanted to do the cooking. She mentioned that she’d bought apple pie. I thought this was strange because I said I’d bake a cake. I decorated it at my DMs house and left it in the kitchen on a cake stand all ready with the candles etc.

We were eating the meal my DM cooked when my 1 year old needed a nappy change. I hadn’t finished eating my meal. I left the table to change him and made a joke about it. I was quick - maybe 5 minutes in total. I came back to the table being cleared and my DM dishing out apple pie and custard. My DD was asking where her cake was. I said “I thought we’re here to celebrate DD’s birthday. What about the cake?” My DM said she’d waited for me to serve it but I was taking too long. I told her I was changing a nappy and she shrugged.

I asked her for a lighter for the candles and she said she didn’t have one. I know she has matches so I said “oh god! Matches then!” She told me to calm down and “stop being like this”. We cut the cake and sang Happy Birthday. Me and my DD ate the cake while the others ate apple pie. I think my siblings felt bad because they each asked for a slice. My DM and DF said they didn’t want any. I said my goodbyes and thank yous and left. My DM was saying she doesn’t understand what she did wrong and I’ve caused drama over nothing. AIBU?

You were very rude, and being a drama queen

The issue is her mum removed her meal when she hadn’t finished. Your mum was very rude and not making the meal about your DD at all. Of course she’d want her cake for pudding!

Sounds odd but in my family we'd probably have apple pie AND cake

I don't get the people saying op was rude, her mum took her plate before she was finished, how is that not super rude? Who hosts people and then does that.
Also seems like she asked to host so hardly some big favour she was doing. Nice of her, sure, but I don't think it means she wasn't acting rudely and frankly inhospitable.

I think is slightly odd you agreed to have DDs (main?) birthday celebration with your family and without DP? Is he her dad?

I think we need to know more about how it came about to have it at your parents but if we have a family meal for a birthday we have dessert and cake and often to cake after dessert....especially if people are missing.
Maybe she assumed the cake was for you at home or her friends at school?

How old is DM? Perhaps a bit of senility setting in? Not being rude but I notice as some people age they seem to do weird, rude things that seem to correlate with an aging brain.

Mind you my mum would do this too - she has an interesting concept of time. If something doesn't happen immediately she will make a comment, if it still doesn't happen one minute after that she gets in a mood 😂

I'd ring your mum and tell her she upset you by 1) clearing your plate before you'd finished (very rude); 2) serving dessert in your absence (very rude); 3) bringing out the apple pie rather than both the apple pie and the cake after waiting for you to return (upsetting for her grandchild); 4) not just offering matches and making it seem an inconvenience for her grandchild to have a birthday cake. I would fully expect her to brush it off and make it sound like YABU though.

You didn’t need to make it into a drama in front of the birthday girl. Better to deal with it calmly and make it nice for her. Then cut it up and all take a slice home, or have with a cuppa later as someone else said, so she would have felt everyone was part of it.

They were celebrating OP's DD's birthday.

OP therefore wanted her DD's cake to have candles lit and be eaten.

OP's mum clearly didn't want the candles lit or to eat cake with her granddaughter. For some bizarre reason. She gave various ridiculous excuses - OP taking too long with a nappy, having no lighter for candles but not offering to get the matches until OP became exasperated, not eating any of her granddaughter's cake.

OP is miffed about this, understandably.

Next year, OP, I suggest you just get some of your child's friends round for tea or whatever. A party somewhere with schoolfriends and just leave your mum to do whatever it is that pleases her.

Thank you for the update, OP!

The apple pie was part of the meal. If it were me I'd have thought we were having a meal and then after table was cleared, everyone settled etc, I'd have lit the cake and brought it through to wherever DD was, given her her special moment and then set about offering everyone a slice and a cuppa.

You were rude. Your mum made apple pie for pudding and was clearly trying to add to the special dinner. The cake and candles can easily come after that as a separate thing. Why make a fuss?

Controlling DM. Attention seeking.
It's your DD birthday, you should take the lead, take back control and have it at your house next year.

No, she bought. Why do you think the apple pie was made when it was clearly stated in the OP that it was bought?

And I'd have had to decline the cake because I'd just eaten apple pie. Eating both is way too much, I'd be sick to my stomach

I'd have eaten the pie then lit the candles and had cake with a cuppa. OP being a bit of a drama llama imo.

@RedHelenB Because eating both on the same day is absolutely disgusting. I'd be sick.

Irrelevant, I just mean she had got it there ready, a kind thing to do whether handmade or otherwise. It's perfectly fine to have both and not in any way a big deal.

Apple pie isn't traditional for a birthday maybe but it's normal to have multiple desserts at a party

People are so oddly disingenuous on here.

They’re celebrating a child’s birthday. OP’s mum knew there was a cake and yet made a pie and tried not to serve the cake.

It’s weird and oddly competitive.

YANBU @FisherSpice

It's not okay to have both. I can't, I'd be sick. A lot if people would be, and the OP has stated her family are also a 1 sweet thing only family.

yanbu.

You’re obsessed with the fact you’d be sick. It’s weird! You’ve mentioned it 4/5 times.

No one would have forced you to have both had you even been there. As it was several of the adults did have both and it would appear no one vommed.

You keep repeating this. Obviously you are a teeny, tiny little thing. But other people feel differently.

You've used the words 'disgusting' to describe people that could eat pie and cake 'on the same day' which is really quite offensive. You clearly have food issues, so perhaps should seek help?

Totally weird behaviour from your mum. Any normal grandparent it should be all about the birthday child. Sounds like your mum was really strange and trying to not celebrate and serve her apple pie instead, and took the opportunity when you nipped off to change baby.

I wouldn't have assumed the birthday cake was pudding but a separate thing from the apple pie. I think you made a drama out of nothing.