To think doing DIY in the house isn't equal to doing chores?

[HuckleBuckBerry]

My husband and I are at a bit of a stale mate.

I feel like he doesn't do enough in the house and this came to a head the other week.

I essentially do everything at home. We both work 5 days a week but with him working a couple more hours per day than I do.

I make every meal, I do every nursery drop and collect, I do every bath time with DC, put on every wash (inc putting out to dry), wash every plate, hoover every room etc etc.. any daily chore I do.

My husband thinks the fact he is the one who fixes things or does the DIY jobs in the house means he does contribute equally. I disagree. The stuff I do is every single day. The things he's talking about (painting, putting up a shelf, fixing a fence panel in the garden or whatever), is perhaps once a month if that.

Aibu to think doing DIY in the house is not the same as daily chores and it's not a get out for doing them? Nor is working a couple more hours than your spouse.

By your description he is a lazy arse.

I would divide up the jobs and tell him which are his.

I agree. Go away for a week. Let him see what your life entails. And as a priority you need to split the lie ins at the weekend. The fact you get up with them every time shows the low status he sees you in. He's important and deserving of being well rested. You are not.

My mum always says if it's not beautiful to look at or useful, don't keep it.

Hope he's beautiful! 😅

I would suggest you swap for a bit, you do the DIY and he does the the rest.

Definitely not equal. My DH does all the DIY (unless it’s something we are doing together like painting a room) and so literally for the time he’s doing it, I’m covering the housework/kids. Not all the days/weeks in between!

I feel your pain. My DH and I share the DIY (except I also clean up after myself). I do all the household chores. He tried to tell me that 'sorting the wifi' meant we were equal. I don't agree. I think like other posters though, some of it is being completely oblivious to what is actually involved in family life. Every card, outgrown trainers, playdate, holiday etc etc

Sounds reasonable for your partner (or you) not to cook or do housework during a day spent painting a room. The rest of the time the everyday tasks need sharing out.

What men will never tell you is that they enjoy the DIY tasks and don't find them chores.

Seriously, do some of these tasks yourself and youll find you probably like them. And that he will be desperate to get them insetead. None of those tasks are harder than stacking a dishwasher, they just seem it because you've never done them and they seem scary and unknown.

I think DIY and general home maintenance are valuable but also necessary and count as chores, but given that you're both working FT, chore time should be split equally. Seems like a very traditional split of job roles that you should start to break down!