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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thinking this is cheeky of friend?

64 replies

pop243 · 13/04/2024 16:16

3 years ago I was out for the day with friend, when leaving the attraction my ds threw open my car door and banged df's door causing a dent and chipped the paint on the door.
The car was only a few years old and I took responsibility right away saying I would of course pay for it.
Df got a quote of £300 which I agreed with and she said she'd tell me when the car went into the garage.
I have asked numerous times over the three years to settle up but she's kept on putting off taking the car to be fixed and I've still not paid (and the car still dented three years later)
We only meet up a few times a year, we met up over Easter and she was driving a courtesy car. Turns out her husband had scraped the whole side of the car along a wall and it was in getting the two doors and front and rear panels fixed through the insurance. Turns out it's the same side as my dc dented.
I was the one who asked about the courtesy car to start with and after telling me what had happened she said "anyway I'm glad you've brought it up as we'll need the £300 now it's in being fixed" I replied "oh will this not complicate payment now that insurance is involved" and we got into a bit of a tit for tat conversation before I said I'll transfer it.
Now I KNOW it's my (ds's) fault and I would have paid years ago had the car been repaired earlier but I feel a bit 🤔 now that the cars being fixed through insurance but she's still taking the full £300 from me even though the door will be fixed due to her dh's accident.
I suppose in my mind if roles were reversed I'd be joking about friend having a lucky escape not having to pay.
Am I a total cheeky fucker or does anyone else find this a bit off?

OP posts:
newwings · 13/04/2024 22:21

Basically you are now paying her excess or something. I think it's wrong especially if you genuinely tried numerous times to resolve before.

AllEars112232 · 13/04/2024 22:29

You do not owe her anything. You offered to pay at the time, she didnt want it then, and didn’t pay to have the dent fixed.
Now door is a right off, and insurance are paying. That totally nullifies any damage your son did.
Your friend is not financially disadvantaged at all because she didn’t repair the original damage.
If she had repaired it, she would still have to pay the same excess she is paying for the new damage.
in effect, she is profiting from you, and that’s not reasonable.

She’s put you in an awful dilemma, now it’s down to whether you want this person as a friend any longer or not.

SleepPrettyDarling · 13/04/2024 22:29

I think I’d go back and text ‘just so I’m clear, are they repairing the dent or are they replacing the door anyway? I don’t know who the £300 is going to.’ It’s kind of playing dumb so she will have to reply that it’s her looking to keep the £300. To be honest, I think you have to hand over the money as an overdue promise, but at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing she knows you know she is pocketing it. (I’m petty like that.)

cherish123 · 13/04/2024 22:31

She is being cheeky

Mnk711 · 13/04/2024 22:34

Isthisexpected · 13/04/2024 22:14

I'd definitely pay her because you're just covering the excess anyway. You still damaged her car.

@Isthisexpected why on earth would you pay her excess that she's having to pay because her husband damaged the car extensively? The friend would be having to pay that whether OP had done anything to the car or not.

Such strange advice on MN a lot of the time - completely illogical. Not picking on you @Isthisexpected just a general theme!

Brainded · 13/04/2024 22:42

Just tell her you can’t afford it right now…COL and all that.

NashvilleQueen · 13/04/2024 22:44

Have you at any point over the previous 3 years had her bank account details so that you could simply send her the cash.

If yes YABU

If no YA(sortof)NBU

WaitingforCheese · 13/04/2024 22:46

Fuck that. She’s obviously been fine not getting it done in the 3 years and if she hadn’t damaged it again would she have left it?
These things should be done promptly in my opinion or not at all.

AllEars112232 · 13/04/2024 22:46

SleepPrettyDarling · 13/04/2024 22:29

I think I’d go back and text ‘just so I’m clear, are they repairing the dent or are they replacing the door anyway? I don’t know who the £300 is going to.’ It’s kind of playing dumb so she will have to reply that it’s her looking to keep the £300. To be honest, I think you have to hand over the money as an overdue promise, but at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing she knows you know she is pocketing it. (I’m petty like that.)

It’s not an over due promise! Op and friend had a verbal contract. OP would pay friend £300 when she got the dent her son put in the door, fixed.
The original dent has been superseded by the new damage, and can no longer be fixed as such.
Therefore, OP does not need to pay her anything!

ButterCrackers · 13/04/2024 22:50

The car was still dented when the bigger damage happened so there’s no need to pay the £300. Tell her that she can go to the small claims court. The insurance photos will clearly show that no repair was done for the dent. She would need a receipt from a garage which she doesn’t have because she didn’t get the work done. Just tell her nice try to get extra cash in her pocket. Do not bother with her again.

LookItsMeAgain · 13/04/2024 23:00

Send her a message "Hi friend, as you have updated and explained the situation, the dent that DS caused has been replaced by a bigger issue and you're getting the whole area fixed through insurance company and they will be covering 100% of the cost of this repair. I think charging me £300 after this length of time and at a time when you're getting the whole door repaired is coming across as grabby. I was willing to cover the cost initially but after three years I feel that a nominal amount of £150 would be acceptable. I don't want to fall out over this so I hope this will be acceptable to you at this stage."

LookItsMeAgain · 13/04/2024 23:01

AllEars112232 · 13/04/2024 22:29

You do not owe her anything. You offered to pay at the time, she didnt want it then, and didn’t pay to have the dent fixed.
Now door is a right off, and insurance are paying. That totally nullifies any damage your son did.
Your friend is not financially disadvantaged at all because she didn’t repair the original damage.
If she had repaired it, she would still have to pay the same excess she is paying for the new damage.
in effect, she is profiting from you, and that’s not reasonable.

She’s put you in an awful dilemma, now it’s down to whether you want this person as a friend any longer or not.

Edited

This!

LakeTiticaca · 13/04/2024 23:03

Nah tell her to sod off 😉

Mnk711 · 15/04/2024 20:01

LookItsMeAgain · 13/04/2024 23:00

Send her a message "Hi friend, as you have updated and explained the situation, the dent that DS caused has been replaced by a bigger issue and you're getting the whole area fixed through insurance company and they will be covering 100% of the cost of this repair. I think charging me £300 after this length of time and at a time when you're getting the whole door repaired is coming across as grabby. I was willing to cover the cost initially but after three years I feel that a nominal amount of £150 would be acceptable. I don't want to fall out over this so I hope this will be acceptable to you at this stage."

@LookItsMeAgain why pay £150? I appreciate that's logical in a way (let's do 50/50 and call it quits) but realistically unless OP pays the full amount the relationship is going to be damaged. If she pays the full amount she's going to resent it because it's unfair and the relationship will be damaged, plus she will be out of pocket. If she pays half friend will still be angry and she will still be out of pocket, there's no value in this at all. IMO it's basically pay the full amount or don't pay, based on how much you want to keep the friendship.

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