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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be blamed for something you haven't done.

11 replies

InDispair123 · 13/04/2024 13:59

For many years I have been constantly blamed for something that I did not do by someone in my family. The problem is I have never had any physical proof that I didn't and my word is not good enough. This has as you can imagine caused huge problems in the family. I try everyday just to carry on with my life knowing that I did not do what I am being accused of, but recently I ran into this person that I have not seen for a number of years and it's really shook me. No words were exchanged but seeing them triggered me badly. I don't know how especially now after all these years I can clear my name. And I don't know how I can move on completely as I carry it with me everyday that the family is not complete. I also do not think I want to move forward with a relationship as they have hurt me very badly. Please do not ask what I am being accused of because I will not say. AIBU for feeling the way I do?

OP posts:
WarshipRocinante · 13/04/2024 14:04

I think it does matter, what they’re accusing you of.
Beat someone, sexually abused someone, stole something significant… those are things I would hate to be falsely accused of and I simply couldn’t be around people who believed I had done something like that so, for me, I would carry that grudge with me and I would remain no contact with the accuser and anyone who believed them.

But if it’s something like kissing their boyfriend or reading their diary when you’re a young teen then I would laugh it off and tell them to grow up. It wouldn’t bother me to be around them and just continue with family all together because they’re just being an idiot.

Original poster
InDispair123 · 13/04/2024 14:08

WarshipRocinante · 13/04/2024 14:04

I think it does matter, what they’re accusing you of.
Beat someone, sexually abused someone, stole something significant… those are things I would hate to be falsely accused of and I simply couldn’t be around people who believed I had done something like that so, for me, I would carry that grudge with me and I would remain no contact with the accuser and anyone who believed them.

But if it’s something like kissing their boyfriend or reading their diary when you’re a young teen then I would laugh it off and tell them to grow up. It wouldn’t bother me to be around them and just continue with family all together because they’re just being an idiot.

Surely if you are innocent the fact that a family member is even blaming you of anything is the worst kind of thing. How do you come back from it. I don't think you can.

OP posts:
Onetiredbeing · 13/04/2024 14:12

Impossible to answer without knowing what was done. Just because they are family doesn't excuse anyone from wrongdoing. Not saying you did, but to them they are as certain as you are too.

DaisyChain505 · 13/04/2024 14:13

Can’t really answer unless there’s more context. Were you accused of taking the last Mars celebration from the box at Christmas or accused of stealing dying Grandmas jewellery? There’s a huge difference.

JamesPringle · 13/04/2024 14:15

I understand your need for privacy, but it does make a difference what it is.

HuminaHuminaHumina · 13/04/2024 14:16

If it’s something you supposedly did when a lot younger then, chances are, they don’t even really think about it at all. It’s huge to you, especially as you can’t put it in the past so are thinking about it every day, but it probably rarely crosses their minds at all.

ClawdeenWolf · 13/04/2024 14:17

I don't want to be unkind OP, but it could be that the only evidence it didn't happen is your word against theirs. And in the case of something like a sexual assault (I know you haven't confirmed what the accusation related to) then I'd be siding with the potential victim in that scenario

steff13 · 13/04/2024 14:21

HuminaHuminaHumina · 13/04/2024 14:16

If it’s something you supposedly did when a lot younger then, chances are, they don’t even really think about it at all. It’s huge to you, especially as you can’t put it in the past so are thinking about it every day, but it probably rarely crosses their minds at all.

I agree with this. Unless what you were accused of was something really terrible, the other person probably doesn't think of it much at all.

Shinyandnew1 · 13/04/2024 14:24

I don’t think anyone can help you here without more details.

What makes them so sure you were guilty of scribbling on their comic/stealing their best friend/shagging their boyfriend?!

Isittimeformynapyet · 13/04/2024 14:24

20 odd years ago my brother accused me of breaking his confidence. I didn't. We'd been NC for years until a forced reunion at my Dad's deathbed.
Now back to NC.

I don't care what he thinks because he is wrong. That's his problem, not mine.

Gazelda · 13/04/2024 14:30

Am I right in assuming that the accusation has led to a split in the family, between those that believe you and those that don't?

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