To cancel DC's first birthday party

[Squigglesy]

DC's first birthday party is on Sunday. It was going to be a big party of 60 people of all our relatives. It's a cultural thing to throw a big bash for a first birthday party.

DH's uncle passed away today. He's been poorly for a while and my MIL (his sister) was his main carer and they lived together (both widowed). DH is not close to his uncle and thinks it's appropriate that we go ahead with the party (mostly because of how much money we'd lose).
We organised the party with the thinking that it was DC's first ever birthday party and didn't mind pushing the boat out.
The following are fully paid and we can't get refunded
Cake -£350
Favours- £300
Decor - £600
Venue and food - £500 deposit paid and would be paying £55 x 65 guests on the day (100% of that needs to be paid for late cancellation)

We are Muslim which means the funeral must be done asap. There is an effort for it to happen today (Saturday) but it might also happen on Sunday (day of the party).

I think it would be very unsympathetic to go ahead with the party. I think my MIL would be very hurt. We went to visit her today and she was understandably in pieces. All her siblings were there too as were DH's cousins. They're all also invited to the party but all assumed we've cancelled the party.

DH thinks we should go ahead with the party without his family (15 guests). I don't know how I'd look them in the eye if we went ahead with it. They're such a close knit family (except DH who isn't too bothered about them) AIBU to want to postpone/cancel?

I’m going to go against what most people are saying and say “go ahead with the party”, your family can attend and it will still be special for your DC. It’s your DH’s decision if he wants to attend the funeral or not. you will lose a lot of money if you cancel, the cake won’t keep and I’m guessing people have made arrangements to attend? The cakes probably already made so you won’t get your money back.

Yes it will

You don't do it in the middle of the funeral. And yes I have seen the price of postage.

@KoolKookaburra do you know what the cake is?

Yes a birthday cake

I’d take DH’s lead on this.

It sounds like you’ve got to pay for it anyway, and only 15 of the guests were from your DH’s family.

If he wants to go ahead, I’d go with it. Send a message to his family giving your condolences again; and saying that due to the proximity, you aren’t able to cancel the party but absolutely understand if they aren’t able to attend. Give them an out, and warning incase they see photos anywhere. And then ask your DH if he wants to pay tribute to his uncle anywhere during proceedings.

You're going to lose a fortune otherwise; for people that it doesn’t sound like your DH is close to, and it won’t be rescheduled. The timing is unfortunate but it’d be odd to cancel when the person affected doesn’t want to.

For goodness sake I don't literally mean in the middle of the actual funeral service. I mean in the 'middle,' of everything a family funeral entails, possibly hosting people, cleaning, ferrying people about etc.. I would think dividing up a cake and posting it to various places would be a hassle that's all!
The op was only asking for opinions on what's best to do in the circumstances!

Postpone

@KoolKookaburra birthday cakes can take many forms

You have to cancel or postpone out of respect. You can't buy Respet

It looks like the funeral will be tomorrow.
I've cancelled it all. I feel much better for cancelling.

We'll probably have to distribute cake at some point. We were thinking of donating to a local shelter etc.

Thank you all for your responses

This

If it's sitting right with you, now you've made that decision, it's the right decision. Hope all goes well tomorrow, as well as these things can ever go.