To expect parents to keep a closer eye on their children in soft play?

[Bushmillsbabe]

Took my girls to a soft play today, and a boy of about 6/7 pushed my 4 year old out the way when she tried to play with an interactive table, after she asked 'please can I have a go' waited, asked again and when got no answer, attempted to have a go - he pushed her quite forcefully. I looked around for his parent, no one seemed to be with him. She waited a few minutes, and then came back and tried again, he pushed her again, to which I said to him 'please don't push her', and he told me to F off!

Then on another piece of equipment a child pushes her off it and she falls into netting and scratches her face.
I don't want to 'helicopter parent' and follow her round, I think some independence is important. But equally some children are so rough that you feel need to be with them to make sure they are ok

AIBU to expect parents to try to stay near ish your children in a soft play area to check they are behaving being treated kindly? (Appreciate this isn't possible in higher levels, but every incident was at ground level). Or should I expect them all to just get on with it and accept that night get hit etc?

No I don’t think YABU.

I had my little boy in the appropriate under 3 area a couple of years ago and some older boys, quite clearly too old to be there, rampaged into him and knocked him flying.
Whilst I get it would be quite silly to go into the equipment itself for an older child, having an awareness of where they are and what they’re doing is important.

From my own experience, lots of parents of children who’re at the ‘in between’ stage between full supervision and a bit of ‘freedom’ like to just abandon their child to do whatever, often with the attitude of being ‘entitled’ to a rest from them and you’re put into the situation where you have to gently and uncomfortably tell someone else’s child about proper behaviour, whilst risking a mouthful off the parent a while later. The ones who’ll be glued to their phone the entire time.
If you want a rest from your children, you can’t do it in a public place where they could hurt themselves or someone else IMO.

I’m digressing but seen a fair bit recently, it also makes me feel a bit sad when someone takes a fairly young, lone child to soft plays and likewise, leaves them to their own devices. I often end up attracting them wanting someone to play with.

In the first incident a kid was playing with something and your daughter badgered the kid to give it up and let her have a go, they got annoyed and pushed her…. Unfortunate they don’t know how to respond gently but she was trying to force her way in and take the activity away. Obviously the swearing isn’t ideal.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Some parents don't seem to watch at all. It's the worst with older children around younger children.

I'd expect the people who work at the place to be keeping an eye out for this kind of behaviour. I'd not be keeping watch every minute on a seven year old, but loads of kids rushing around there's bound to be a bit of push and shove, and that's why supervisors should be in the area watching - especially as not all areas are visable.

She was forcing her way in by politely asking?

Don't be a bloody idiot

I'd actively watch/follow a 4 year old. I'd keep an eye on a 7 year old but would allow them freedom to roam....mind you, mine wouldn't tell anyone to f* off!

What a load of cobblers. She asked for a turn, isn't that what we're supposed to teach them? To ask politely?

I’d keep a general eye on my seven year old but I wouldn’t be following him around. I don’t think many parents of seven year olds would tbh.

Mine generally behaves himself in public though and I would be appalled if he told someone to fuck off.

I couldn’t supervise my children at soft play beyond a certain age. Once they are independent enough they don’t need you to go around with them they just go off pretty quickly and those places are generally chaos so it’s impossible to keep track of them. I did however closely supervise them constantly when they were younger and have witnessed many similar incidents.

I would still try to keep an eye on them and generally see what they were up to but it’s not always possible. The main thing is trying to teach your children to behave respectfully whether you are standing behind them or not. Unfortunately at soft play if you have younger kids you do need to helicopter parent to protect them, it’s not how it should be but it is how it is in my experience.

Madness! I’m not sure what the soft plays are like where you live but I’ve yet to go to one where the staff act as ‘supervisors’.

Children do, of course, have supervisors;
they’re called parents. And it is 100% a parent’s responsibility to police this type of behaviour in such settings.

Granted, it may be trickier to keep an eye on them at all times by age 7, but in the scenario OP is describing it shouldn’t be. My guess is that the little savage she encountered has one of those parents who thinks they can just grab a coffee and stare at their phone the entire time they’re there. Terrible parenting IMO.

YANBU, OP. I hate soft plays on weekends or during school holidays for this very reason.

If a 6 year old is telling you to fuck off, I doubt the parents are ever going to be the ones nicely monitoring his behaviour and reminding him to take turns and not push tbh.

Meh, it depends. By 7, I’d leave my daughter to roam free and check in every 10 minutes or so. I’d certainly be on my phone, or in the baby section with my baby if we had him with us.

However, my daughter does not behave at all like the kid in the OP. She’s kind and respectful and gentle, especially around other younger kids.

My son will be accompanied until he leaves home, I think. He’s a different kettle of fish.

This.

She asked he said no, she asked again and couldn't wait and pushed her way in, she’s not blameless.

I probably didn't explain it properly, it was an activity which up to 4 children could play with, she wasn't trying to take it away from him, but asking if she could join him playing the game

Just out of interest, how long would you reasonably expect a 4 year old to wait? She waited 5-10 minutes and watched him playing without saying anything.
It was kind of an electronic snooker, so multiple people could play, she wasn't asking for him to stop playing, just if she could take a turn too

I've said this before on here, but many parents would be pretty shocked at their child's behaviour when they're unsupervised. I still follow my 8yo around as he has asd and doesn't always interact appropriately with others. Some of the behaviour from other children I've witnessed has been awful, but no doubt their parents would confidently say that their child 'would never' behave that way...

Violence and swearing is "unforuntate" and "not ideal", but the real problem here is a 4 year old wanting to play at soft play.

Fuck me, I get that your hobby is being deliberately obtuse to OPs, but you need to make it believable.

This OP, the sad reality of softplay is you need to keep an eye out for the feral kids and steer yours away from them.

Agree. One of my neighbours is often boasting about how kind, caring and well mannered her kids are but I frequently see them outside kicking balls off cars, excluding other kids, pushing other kids and swearing at adults.

I do, but that comes with its own challenges 😂. I once had a parent 'why are you not letting your child play with mine' when I gently encouraged her to move to a different activity. I didn't like to say 'because your child is an aggressive little monster'

It would be great if there were more centre staff at these places to keep an eye and enforce rules and safety.

Since the age of about 6-7, I have left mine to play. I can see them at various intervals but I do not go on with them. (Mine also wouldn’t dream of telling anyone to “fuck off” though.)

I’m not sure what the alternative is between following them around in the soft play and staying in the seated area at the bottom. You can only see so far into most soft plays from the seated area, so it seems you’re suggesting parents follow their children around in there, even for older children?