To think that giving your young child a smartphone is very stupid?

[ILostMy20s]

Read this story on the BBC News site today:

Nine-year-olds added to malicious WhatsApp groups - BBC News

Surely I can't be the only one to wonder why on earth children as young as nine even have/need a smartphone in the first place? I appreciate we live in a dangerous world and there are a lot of people who worry about their children's safety - but is it really any more dangerous now than pre the existence of smartphones?

When there is so much evidence about the detrimental effects that phones and social media in particular can have on children, and stories like this, why on earth would you risk giving your child a smartphone at such a young age? At that age, the digital world is potentially much more dangerous/harmful than anything they're likely to experience in the real world.

I personally don't have any children myself yet, but if I did, I'd be very reluctant to let them have a phone before the age of 16. I'm in my 30s, and didn't have a mobile phone until I started university - and I fail to understand the logic or reasoning in letting a child have a phone before then, but particularly when they're so young (8-12, for instance).

I always find it quite sad seeing young kids attached to phones so early when I think back to my childhood and how happy and carefree it was. But I suppose many kids grow up these days not knowing anything different.

But am I being old fashionable/unreasonable in thinking this? I'd definitely be interested to hear other people's opinions.

My kid had one when she was nine. A hand me down. People can judge but when she was nine we were in lockdown, it was only me and her, and I had to work full time. She was able to call friends and family to chat and play games and do homework with her granny over video call. People can judge but for us this kept her in touch when she needed to be most.
Sometimes they have a place.

The thing is op the world has moved on - if you leave it as late as 16 these days then bullying and teasing is likely. This happened to my friend's child who was the last to get one and she was 14.

9 is too young though imo. There has to be a middle ground.

They were a godsend in lockdown. DD didn't have her own one at that stage but she spent a lot of time on Facetime.

yup

My eldest is 12 and doesn't have a smart phone. Their school bus has a phone and will text us if there are any issues. He has a (restricted) ipad for school use. He isn't bothered about not having one.

It's not about the phones as such, it's more to do with lazy parenting. As someone else has said previously. Handing a kid a phone with access to whatsapp/Roblox/Snapchat without 1st making sure it has the right settings for a child is just daft.

We monitor my 11yr old daughters phone and Ipad. We discuss Internet safety ( IE not using real name/age/location) and explain why she is allowed/not allowed certain apps even though others in her year group get free reign when it comes to phones/Internet.

She understands why we are saying no, we do try to explain it in age appropriate way ( instead of just saying there are real dickheads in the world.)

There is no reason for any under 11 to have a handheld screen, and anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves. DD is nearly 5 and has never held a tablet. DS is 1 and I have only recently allowed the TV on in the background while he plays. Maybe I’m overly cautious but I’m convinced a ton of really awful research about the effects of screens on the developing brain is about to emerge.

An surely they need them at secondary school now for the apps for homework they all seem to have now

We're at the stage with our eldest where she has asked for a phone multiple times.

She will get one on her 11th birthday, which is a couple of months before she starts secondary school. She'll start walking herself to and from school as soon as she gets her phone, which will be a smart phone as we will have find my friend activated.

She won't be able to have TikTok/insta/snapchat/fb - so really it'll be no different to her iPad, except she'll be able to take it out and about.

She's also been told that until she turns 16 we will be able to check her phone any time we want - photos, group chats etc. Would like to think I'd have no reason to check personal messages between her and a friend though.

DD is nearly 5 and has never held a tablet. DS is 1

Aye come back in a few years 🤣

And yes there are reasons as outlined by some on this thread.

I swear the most stressful part of parenting to date has been deciding on a Roblox name that doesn't scream 'I'm a cute little minor, come groom me!'

At that age tbh, I would be explaining that there are awful people in the world. It looks awful written down but that's what we've done. Not gone into huge detail but we have let her know bad things can happen. The older she gets, the more (awful) detail we give. Small steps. It's terrible we have to do it.

In the nicest possible way OP but you really do not have a fucking clue.

Wait until you have kids and then get to the stage where you have to negotiate these things and come back and have a conversation then.

Yes allowing a 9 yr old unrestricted access to WhatsApp is crap. But age appropriate and lots of open discussion about the pitfalls and monitoring when they are young is the way forward. Completely saying no is also, in this day and age, unworkable. No phone until they are 16. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

If you have kids you'll look back at all the crap you spouted about what parents should do and cringe so bloody hard.

A child is too young to have unsupervised access, or access that allows them to be included in random WhatsApp groups, at the age or nine.

It’s a bit like saying you won’t allow a child to watch tv until they are 18 because some things that can be seen on it are suitable even though there are restrictions that means perfectly suitable content is available at the time the child is watching.

Mine have had phones since they were 8ish, but they live with their dad some of the time so wanted a way to stay in touch
They were only allowed close family as.contacts on their phone till year 6 and DH works in an area related to IT security so spent a lot of time sorting their settings.

I don't think blanket statements are helpful.

My dd was 9 when she got her phone. We have a middle school system and she walks to school, sometimes calls asking for a lift or go to the park with a friend. Everything excluding calls and SMS are locked down, and she only has mine and DH, friend who lives near school and her best friend's number for emergencies. There are friend Whatsapp groups but she's not allowed to be part of them, and has no access to the internet.

Exactly. Much the same as we gradually teach them the rules for physical independence in phases

My 10 year old has one of our old phones. She has WhatsApp after asking for it but we check it regularly.

I really do believe as PP said that open discussion from a young age is the way to go. Much easier to teach them when they're young than when they have their heads turned already in secondary. Ignoring tech is a bad idea.

11- she’s 11 now! 😂. She had WhatsApp at the last stage of being 10

Our secondary schools here all require children to have their own iPads anyway.

Same here (next year). But I assume they won't be spending their time on Snapchat 😂

It would be madness to just give an unlocked and internet ready phone to a 9 year old. However, there is a lot of good software around nowadays that locks down phones and makes them safer for introducing them to young people.

You can limit the applications and make it so nothing can be installed without parental approval. You can set up a white list of contacts, and only people that are on the list are able to contact the phone. You can set up tracking, for the location of the phone and of everything that is entered onto the phone. You can set time limits for usage, and have it lock down for sleeping hours.

Provided the smart phone is introduced carefully with the right level of restrictions and monitoring in place, it can be done safely. It also can enhance the child's safely in the tween years, as they're on the cusp of being given more independence. i.e. for walking home from primary school by themself, or being left alone in the house for short periods. Many households don't have a landline anymore.

While not essential for high school, it is becoming increasingly integrated. At the school DD1 attends, all homework is assigned (and usually submitted) digitally. She keeps track of what has been assigned and needs doing on her phone, as the teachers often allocate work outside of the lesson, so they're not always informed in person.

I’m hoping not!

OP, as long as internet access is safety monitored and restricted, it’s something that can be beneficial to well-being and education.

Absolutely! And let's face it, they need to know how to navigate tech. The days of big red ledgers are well and truly gone. Keeping them ignorant helps nobody at all.