I have a trainer at the gym. Background in physiotherapy and really into biomechanics, as am I, so it's great. Occasionally to help me he films me (I consent and he always deletes it in front of me afterwards) to show me where I'm going wrong. Until this point it's all good.
But when I see myself, I hate myself. I mean really really hate myself. I don't see only the correction I need to make, I see my chin, my flat face, the flag part of my hair, the skinny legs that were once strong, the fat rolls on my torso (I wear slightly baggy clothes and never show much skin). I am completely overwhelmed by how horrific I look - like a kind of V shape with a head on top. It floods over me and I could cry. I can lose weight and regain leg muscle but ultimately, it's still me. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror as much as I can both in and out of the gym.
AIBU in how I feel - is this normal?