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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband cheating??

44 replies

Imallowedthisone · 12/04/2024 05:54

Hi all. Sorry long post.

I have been married for a few months and everything was fine up until recently and I'm not sure if my OH is cheating or not. He is a lovely guy who treats me well however, our sex life has dwindled dramatically from a few times a week to once (maybe twice, if I question it) and even then it feels like he's doing it because I want him to. He always seems preoccupied when dtd.

He has always slept with his phone under his pillow which I found strange at first but as he doesn't have a stand on his side of the bed I let it go.

A couple of weeks ago I found out he had a second WhatsApp. When I asked him about it he said he doesn't really use it, it was made for work which doesn't make sense since he has a work phone. He gave me the mobile number attached to this mystery WhatsApp- "just in case" I wanted it but to say he "doesn't really use it" the last few times he's updated his WhatsApp story- he's put it on his other status too. When I asked who he has on that WhatsApp he said just family which also doesn't really make sense. Unfortunately my curiosity got the better of me and I checked his last active and it's at odd hours of the night, where as his normal number receipts is off.

AIBU to ask him what the hell is going on? I feel like I'm going crazy. Our relationship is in most parts good I don't want to ruin it but I don't want to be naive either as on this second WhatsApp his messages are set to disappear and with locked messages a thing now apparently, I have no idea what to do. I feel sick.

OP posts:
Jellyx · 12/04/2024 10:23

Nicebloomers · 12/04/2024 08:40

I was curious as to how you get 2 WhatsApp accounts and apparently you need to have a phone with the capacity for 2 SIM cards. I didn’t even know they existed. But presumably having 2 SIM cards (2 numbers) would allow you to have a double internet life so to speak. I just can’t think of why you’d need to do that? I get it if you travel internationally a lot or to separate up work communications (although you said he had a work phone?), but otherwise why would you pay for 2 mobile contracts? I just seems a bit fishy… I don’t know. I’m not going straight to ‘he’s cheating’ but I have to say I don’t understand having 2 phone numbers.

I have a UK number / sim in my phone AND an 'e-sim' for a foreign number - both attach her to the one phone.

brandonflowersmushtash · 12/04/2024 10:31

That wasn't his sister.

Original poster
Imallowedthisone · 12/04/2024 10:38

Thanks everyone for your replies a lot to go through individually but yes, I am more on the page of that wasn't his sister. His lies don't add up. You don't need 2 WhatsApps when you have an actual phone for work.

They are both UK numbers? My head is all over the place. His WhatsApp is also locked. So what is so private that you need facial recognition for it.

OP posts:
TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 12/04/2024 10:43

Imallowedthisone · 12/04/2024 08:37

I'm not basing it just on going on WhatsApp I'm basing it on all the dodgy stuff going on that I can't explain and also I agree with you his family would have his other WhatsApp.

I would also like to mention he is foreign but speaks near enough perfect English and he's not too close with his siblings and I've never known his sister to ever call but she did yesterday while I was there in the living room (I've never met or spoken to her) and he was laughing and joking speaking in his language and then used the words Swimming pool, yummy and night security. When I asked him what they were talking about and why he'd mention the words he said he didn't and he must have said something that sounds like those words. But he did say them.

Then he is trying to make out you are hearing things on top. did you mention children?

Nicebloomers · 12/04/2024 10:46

If your intuition is flickering then I think you need to listen to it.

TayIor · 12/04/2024 10:52

Is his phone locked, or his phone and then his what's app then also needs unlocking? Yeah he needs divorcing for that alone.

toddlermam · 12/04/2024 11:04

It definitely sounds like his lies aren't adding up.

TheCatterall · 12/04/2024 11:09

@Imallowedthisone how long have you known him for and how long were you dating prior to marriage.

So no family attended your wedding? No visits to meet them?

Is he ultra secure with everything techy? Or just WhatsApp?

Id ask him why he keeps updating something that he claims to rarely use and that its off he even has it. Watch him bullshit his way out of that.

C1N1C · 12/04/2024 11:56

Ever since I had a mechanic send me a quote on WhatsApp with a disappearing message, only to raise the quote once it disappeared... I've only seen their use as a way of deception.

ontheflighttosingapore · 12/04/2024 12:18

Just ask him to see the phone and look if he has nothing to hide he won't mind his real reaction will tell you what you need to know anyway ! It does sound very secretive and not a good sign if you've only been married a few months. How well did you know him before ? How long were you together. I always think keeping the phone glued to you is a bad sign. Phones should be left laying g around sometimes if there's nothing to hide.

ontheflighttosingapore · 12/04/2024 12:21

Imallowedthisone · 12/04/2024 08:37

I'm not basing it just on going on WhatsApp I'm basing it on all the dodgy stuff going on that I can't explain and also I agree with you his family would have his other WhatsApp.

I would also like to mention he is foreign but speaks near enough perfect English and he's not too close with his siblings and I've never known his sister to ever call but she did yesterday while I was there in the living room (I've never met or spoken to her) and he was laughing and joking speaking in his language and then used the words Swimming pool, yummy and night security. When I asked him what they were talking about and why he'd mention the words he said he didn't and he must have said something that sounds like those words. But he did say them.

You don't sound like you know him very well atall. I don't think you can trust I'm atall. Would be very surprised that was his sister

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 12/04/2024 22:05

ontheflighttosingapore · 12/04/2024 12:18

Just ask him to see the phone and look if he has nothing to hide he won't mind his real reaction will tell you what you need to know anyway ! It does sound very secretive and not a good sign if you've only been married a few months. How well did you know him before ? How long were you together. I always think keeping the phone glued to you is a bad sign. Phones should be left laying g around sometimes if there's nothing to hide.

But if he has deleting messages, his reaction will be smug arsehole.

coldcallerbaiter · 12/04/2024 22:12

night security? Is he ever out in the evening/night? If so why?

Notimeforaname · 12/04/2024 22:15

I have two WhatsApp accounts on one phone but I have two sim cards. He is very obviously hiding his late night contact with someone. You cant trust him.
Dont live like that, on your last nerve,waiting to find out...

CommentNow · 12/04/2024 22:15

If hes dim enough to call another woman on front of you, record it and put it through an online translator. Get a burner phone number and add the number to the secret WhatsApp.

coxesorangepippin · 12/04/2024 22:16

How come you've never met his sister??

CommentNow · 12/04/2024 22:17

And of course its dodgy. Setting up secret messaging is an effort that noone learns and actively puts to use without good reason. And if was a good reason he would do it for both accounts

Alwaysinamood · 30/09/2024 16:57

You can bypass the facial lock on WhatsApp when it doesn’t recognise your face - you can then add the code in after failed facial attempts - I know as I’ve done it 🙈

GabriellaMontez · 30/09/2024 17:08

CommentNow · 12/04/2024 22:15

If hes dim enough to call another woman on front of you, record it and put it through an online translator. Get a burner phone number and add the number to the secret WhatsApp.

Yes. You don't even need to wait. Get Google translate on silent. The words will appear in your language as he speaks.

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