To have called out this man...

[colonell]

Chatting for a fortnight.

Exchanged numbers from an app and exchanged messages , photos etc..
I nearly always initiated conversation and at first he seemed to match my effort but over last few days he has answered general chit chat questions with flat and basic responses. . ... no development of chat, questions or anything other than answer to my casual questions.
So after another few of these messages, I had enough.

We haven't spoken on the phone and had arranged to meet next weekend but not set in stone.

I suggested that I felt that he wasn't really into this exchange generally and asked if he just wanted to leave things.
We were going nowhere where , unless backwards.
He responded with a ' why would you think that??'
I'm flabbergasted.

This man(50) made very little effort to find out anything about me it even to pretend to show interest and is them surprised when I pulled him up on it.

To cut a long story short, I basically told him that n my experience , if someone is into another, they'll pin down a date, shown interest in the other and make a decent effort.

He's ignored me completely.
Was I being unreasonable to be honest about my feelings towards his apathy or were these feelings unreasonable?

Leave it now and see if he gets back to you. His response to being called out seems childish for a 50 year old man.

I wouldn't have bothered saying anything to him. Just watch what they do, you'll learn everything from that.

Not unreasonable at all. If he isn't matching your energy he isn't right for you.

I sent this message last night so I expect never to hear from him again!!!
He came across as a verbally astute, intelligent and seemingly decent man and the message I sent him was 'strong'. Not rude or aggressive but as my friend said , the most 'fuck this shit!' Message she's ever read 😂

Good for you! If he now contact you, just ignore him.

So it would be what, almost 4 weeks before you actually meet? I'd get bored too.

Maybe try arranging a date in a shorter timescale, doesn't have to be anywhere expensive or fancy, just a coffee even. Get to know them in person and weed out the dross early.

Your last post made me think of a thread where a woman said there are three states of mind. I think she might have been talking about the menopause or post menopause.

1 fuck this shit

2 fuck off

3 for fuck's sake.

I get bored too when it takes that long to meet. I did online dating and really had to meet quickly. If you don’t meet, it’s harder to keep up the chit chat because you don’t know each other’s mannerisms or have any inside jokes or anything like that. You also don’t wNt to get too invested before meeting; why spend weeks messaging loads and loads every day just to meet and have no chemistry?

I love this! That's how I've been for years.

OP, good on you for telling him off, and don't waste any more time even thinking about him.

Chatting for a fortnight? Nah meet up quick, during the day walk or coffee, judge and go from there.

There's no "unreasonable" about it - you weren't enjoying the interaction and were seeing red flags that made you think twice about meeting so why continue? It's possible that he's just not used to online "dating" (or dating at all if he's just out of a longterm relationship) and was just marking time until the IRL meet-up, but he could have explained that to you. If he's now giving you the "silent treatment", I'd say you've made a good call because that's one of the biggest red flags at all.

Crikey! This sums up my mood 99% of the time🤣

If I didn’t have DP (and he’s on thin ice sometimes…). I absolutely wouldn’t bother with these online dating things, seems to be full of knobs just mucking around and wasting womens time

Sod that!

Sounds like he was keeping you on hold. Probably chatting to others at the same time. Just another player so you are well rid of him.

Why would you think you were unreasonable?

Sounds like it’s mutual.

I suppose I asked if you thought I was unreasonable for actually texting him and expressing my feeling about his lack of effort and pointing out that usually people who are interested in others behave in a certain way ; nothing like he behaved . Like, stating the obvious ..

I wondered whether I should have just left it fizzle out but then I though' fuck this' ... he's wasting my time , either show interest or do one .

I think there's a thin line between appearing bitter and annoyed and being sick to shit of some men's carry on in this regard.

He won't have liked the message one bit but as I said it wasn't aggressive or nasty , just calling out his shitty efforts.
I doubt he will ever respond to me again.

Last poster ... how do you mean
' mutual' in the context of that highlighted paragraph ..

Some guys never want to meet up they just want to chit chat online.

2 weeks of chatting with no phone calls or FaceTime or anything is far too long.

If it's been that long and you haven't met, I wouldn't be so invested to send a "are you interested or not" message. If you feel he's not making an effort than that's enough justification to stop bothering - without having to call him out. In future save yourself the headache and decide "nope, not this one" and move on without checking his behaviour.

I would think by his response that he had several women on the go and was sussing each one out. Hence the basic responses, not remembering what he has said to or asked each of you.
No great loss.
Onwards and upwards OP.