Holiday abroad breaking us

[Trufflebutter24]

In December after never affording an abroad holiday with family, I sat down with my husband and we booked a very reasonable eurocamp style holiday for this year.
We got a little money at Christmas which covered a third of the accommodation and worked out that if my DH worked some Saturdays we’d be able to do it.
We booked it and since then, I feel like it’s pretty much broken us.
DH has been working 6 day weeks most weeks in a very tough and physically demanding job.
Every time we talk about the holiday it’s my fault for booking it.
We go next month and at this point I actually really don’t want to go, we can’t get our money back it’s paid for now, but we also wouldn’t have to worry about spending money.
My husband said that he can’t say no to me so that’s why we’re going (he says no all the time) he also said it’s our different upbringings that mean I want a holiday abroad but he doesn’t care for it.
I do every ounce of planning in our relationship and I don’t think I’d go abroad again if I didn’t plan it.
I feel angry at him for giving it the ok all those months ago and now blaming me for it. He said it’s breaking him working 6 days a week, which I have empathy and understanding for. I’m PT at the moment. Unable to work more due to nursery fees.
The thought of never going on holiday again makes me depressed, am I just an entitled cow?

As it is booked and paid for, not going would be a huge waste of money and the time your husband has worked extra hours. So, I would go and enjoy it.

However, going forward, there is going to need to be a better plan. Working 6 days a week isn't going to work.

Maybe a holiday abroad every 2 years so that you have time to save without the extra hours?

Or, you pick up some evening/weekend work to pay for the holiday?

Or, do some research and plan some UK trips? Day trips or a night or two at a time.

I work full time in a demanding job and to be honest, I would not want to work extra hours for something that isn't essential.

We had one holiday abroad with a nursery aged child. In March in a SC apartment with a pool that was too cold to swim in. Our next abroad holiday was a week in our own tent in France. Until both DC we’re at school we just couldn’t afford it.

Enjoy your holiday but maybe wait until you’re not paying nursery fees before the next one?

So you would only consider work if it pays what he earns?

Thats unreasonable, different people have different incomes, but you could still work more to contribute financially to support things

a very reasonable eurocamp style holiday

It doesn't sound like it was ever actually reasonable, or affordable for you, if it relied on him working 6 days a week alongside you putting Christmas money towards it.

And I can absolutely see why he is feeling resentment if you are not working as much as he is. It's massively privileged and quite unfair for you to declare that it's not worth you working because he'd earned more. You wanted the holiday! He agreed, but you should both be working towards it.

You are being very entitled to push for and book holidays that you can't afford without your husband working six days a week, yes. You cannot afford them.

It's not the holiday that is breaking you, it's your expectation that he earns the money for it, especially when you know he's not as bothered about them as you are.

This sounds like a really difficult situation for you both and I can completely see why there is friction and disappointment.

The ideas for a short term cc are good, you could also see if there is anything you can sell on fb etc. Every little will help.

I have to say I love the posters saying, work an evening or weekend - I'm wondering what exactly they expect you to do with DC while both you and OH are at work?! Haha!

Thanks for comments. To clarify, I’ve suggested multiple times that I pick up a weekend shift. DH has always refused as I would earn less than he would so in his mind, it’s more practical that he works

You could have saved up and booked when you actually had the money. You don’t need to go abroad. I’ve just booked a holiday in the UK for £420 for a week in August.
I get wanting a holiday but it does sound like there has been a lot of pressure to book this. I agree with others that it’s booked now and that you should both make sure you enjoy it but next time make sure you’ve got the money first.

Its a given that people mean when he isnt working. He is working 6 days a week, so has a day when he isnt working. He will also have other times when he's not working

Needs must, given it sounds as if they were really up against it to afford this.

This. Save up. And then you'll know what you can afford when you can afford it. DH agreed for me to have a saving account that is used for holidays that he doesn't touch. Because there's always something but I need holidays. So it gradually accumulates and I can look at it and know it's there.

Not paying upfront or getting in debt. That makes you miserable.

Where are you going OP? Some wise advice above about drawing a line now and agreeing no recriminations. Do a bit of research and get positive about what to look forward to while you’re there, trips using local transport etc.

Then when you get home maybe set a goal for something in the future, perhaps a city break. Set aside a regular amount towards it, get a round up account etc. It’s good to have a holiday to look forward to but not if it means overstretching yourself.

I would never book a holiday I didn’t have all the money for as the stress of saving up would be horrible for me. Now it’s done, focus on the good stuff but next time, don’t book until you’re comfortable with the amount.

Great advice

Tbh whilst Im so tempted to book now at £30 deposit etc etc, I truly would be awake nights worrying about paying for it so thats why we have started to save now for '25

As I said up thread, we do city breaks - just back from 3 nights in Edinburgh for just under £200 for two of us- including the flights. Apart from one splash out meal , eating and drinking didnt cost more then a weekend at home going to the pub and takeaway tbh

Its hard when you think you are doing everything by the book but find a holiday on top of everything else is hard to find when it feels like everyone about you is going away.It is hard. But for me, id rather have the bills paid, afford the electric and oil first and foremost. Ok so we are older and maybe used to doing without, but we also want a few luxuries, only neither of us want to be so bloody knackered from taking on so much to actually enjoy the time

If it isn’t practical for you to work extra could you do a different side hustle to make a bit of cash? Bank swapping, match betting, selling unwanted items etc? Have a look at the money saving expert site and the money forum here.