To not want to be an odd jobs 'man' for my grandparents.

[Tiredsendmum]

A bit of backstory to avoid drip feeding but the person who did all the gardening/maintenance/odd jobs etc for my grandparents passed away a couple of years ago. There is only me left.
I love them dearly but I am a full time carer to disabled children and also have major health issues myself including chronic pain.

I visit my grandparents regularly and take bits of shopping for them and stay for a couple of hours. Each time I go it is as though they have gathered a list for me of all the things that need doing. Some of it is things like taking the rubbish out, sorting the recycle, changing bulbs and things like that which I have no issue with but also mowing all the lawns, cutting back all the bushes, taking down (smaller) trees etc.

They keep getting quotes for things done and when it is not £5 they decide THEY will do it their selves aka me. The things mentioned have been things like putting sheds up, flagging, things like that.

I want to visit and do not mind odd jobs at all but I do not want to spend my few hours my disabled children are not with me being a labourer for someone else.
Am I horrible?

WTF is flagging?

I’m assuming they know of your pain and disabled children?

Stop going for a while. You need to break the cycle. Tell them you’re unwell and take a few weeks to ‘recover’.

Then visit once a week or fortnight. When they have a list you don’t have time. Tell them you only have an hour.

YANBU. Let me guess, they're not short of money either.
Give them the number of local handymen and gardeners and stop doing it. This will only escalate as they get older and one is left alone.
What are their plans for coping longer term?

Get them an actual handy person and stop doing the jobs

They need a gardener! thing is if you don't speak up they will assume you are happy with it. You need to sit them down and have a proper discussion about all these 'odd jobs'. The gardening in particular has to be contracted out, they won't like it, so be prepared but you will get your peace and sanity back and they will eventually get used to do the new way of doing things.

I assume 'flagging' is laying paving flags.

You're not horrible for not wanting to do hours and hours of hard manual labour. They need to pay for this to be done.

Perhaps offer to be around when the tradespeople are doing the work, or help them find someone who won't rip them off, and keep on helping them change lightbulbs etc, but you're definitely reasonable to not do the big jobs if you don't want to.

Do you think it's a can't or won't issue with paying for services? Do they seem to have enough money and if they're on a low income, have they claimed all the benefits they're entitled to?

Give them a Check-A-Trade leaflet and say I Can't to jobs they ask you to do.

Laying paving slabs

If they can't afford to pay for the jobs they might need to look at moving somewhere more manageable.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon
Just cause they are your family you are entitled to have some quality to yourself too,
to do what you want to do or
and need to do,

It's OK doing a bit of light work errands etc if you want to and up to doing this?😀

I would seriously consirder and look into getting outside help such as contacting Age concern charity,
find out what kind of services do they offer or and could recommend to you?,
which could be beneficial for your grandparents on some way,

do they know of odd job man type of approved companies by their charity,
they can recommend?

Quite often proffessional Gardening companies will have odd jobs man type of services attached to their service they offer too?
which they can offer reasonable rates

Being vulnerable/ frail, and being a cheeky fucker are not mutually exclusive.

How dare they ask you to complete such an array of physical jobs for them just to save a few quid! They must know of your circumstances, your illness and that your free time is precious? You choose to spend your time in their company and they choose to totally take the piss.

Stop doing jobs for them. Tell them that you don't want to waste the time you have with them gardening when you could be spending time with them. Be gentle but firm and offer to help them find another handyman.