Relative issues?

[ivise]

Hi, how to deal with a relative that mostly never invites us back to their house or host a dinner ,play date? It's always my house because she barely invites . Our kids love to play together but I am getting a bit tired that she never reciprocate with anything or even plan together instead of waiting for me to invite her . I have asked to meet out she never wants that either . She likes to sit at home.
She has promised my daughter couple sleepovers that never happened, she acts like she never said it .My daughter have asked to come to hers multiple times and I don't know what to say because they never invite us ,so I do it in the end .
She also never brings anything when she comes over so it makes me kind of feel like it's all on me and that I am the only one needing this .

There could be many things at play here, ranging from laziness, embarrassment over her home, a controlling partner at home, or really wanting a change of scene. Do you have any indication as to what is causing it?

Next time you’re planning something why not say “do you think we could do at yours this time if you don’t fancy going out anywhere?” Or “ can we not do mine this time?” And she what she says? There’s obviously a level of discomfort on her part.

if it’s really bothering you then maybe reduce the play dates/visits and only do it when you genuinely feel happy to :)

@Haydenn we have been to her house before and none of them applies , I do think she feel comfortable in my house because I am a giver and always make sure everyone is happy but tbh I want sometimes change of scenery too and not every meet up be on my expense and place , I don't see how that friendship can work in long term . I am feeling a bit used but at this point I do it for the kids,but it's stresses me out and it's not healthy x

@TheOneandOnly23 we had discussions once it was over Christmas , and I said to her it would be nice if she plans too or invites us not just says let's meet because it doesnt solve anything, she agreed and I think she knows but we are back to the same situation 😃

I have a friend exactly like this. Every meet up at my house often requested by her rather than me inviting her over. I’ve only been invited to her house once in all of these years.
I stopped agreeing because it got too much, just gently, that we were busy that weekend etc. The end result is we don’t really see each other anymore. I don’t understand it really. I ended up resenting feeling like a venue for her. I felt like I was constantly tidying for her visits and then tidying up her DCs mess when she left, with no reciprocation. I have no advice for you really. But I do know how you feel.

Stop inviting her to yours, start mirroring the same behaviour as her.

@ASeagulStoleMyIceCream glad you understand,so I am not too crazy 😄
This happened last time again ,she came back from holiday (which before that she said , def girls can stay at mine) came back and invited herself to mine.
It would have been so much easier if she wasn't my relative and of course if our kids didn't beg for meet ups :/

@Harvestfestivalknickers So wish it was that easy , she is my relative and our kids always ask for play dates that somehow happens to be at my house

@ASeagulStoleMyIceCream also she never helps me to tidy up all the mess left behind our kids too, she always just sits on sofa and we chat while I cook , serve kids and her and stuff

Indeed it is as simple as that
We've done it.

There is someone that we invite over most of the time but we are not fussed about their lacking.

Therefore, OP, stop inviting them but it is up to you. The scenario you are facing, many do and some stop inviting and others carry on

@DistinguishedSocialCommentator but that means friendship over for little ones ? I feel like I am taking away a friend for her , I don't know if I can do it but then if she cared that much she would try reciprocate

If it's a relative, presumably someone you've more or less grown up with, I'm not sure why you can't just say 'Oi, how come we never get to come to your house? It's definitely your turn by now, so let's put it in the diary, please.' If it was just an acquaintance or one of the other mums from your kids' school or something, I can see that there would be awkwardness, but if it's your sister or your cousin or something and you've known them since you were little then can you not be a bit more direct/matey about it?

I was in a similar position with a relative, and likewise a big driving factor was DC. I started just waiting and then cracking and hosting anyway but that spread things out more and more. I eventually stopped.

Looking back I regret carrying on for so long, even though it was for DC . The relative in question is self absorbed and this was just one of many red flags highlighting that. Your relative is making false promises to your DD - that is pretty shit?

Your relative might just need a gentle nudge though. I would host another time and then towards the end of it say - can you host next time and then we start alternating the hosting for now on? Put the ball firmly in her court. I think the likely outcome is as you fear though.

@CrawleyG I have talked about it with her , we had a discussion over it them she invited me once or twice and that's it, looks like we back to square one 😄 and I don't want to start and look like I am begging for her invites,I think she knows very well, if only our kids wasn't involved I wouldn't care that much , they only young but still x

then you will have to accept the present scenario as some people are shameless

However, when we invite and its rare, when we invite people, we are not looking at them calling us back but I hear you and I'm not sure re answer other than putting up with it