To tell line manager via email? TW Miscarriage

[Peanutbutterjelly123]

TW - miscarriage

Posting here for traffic, ideally need advise sharpish as I’m in two minds what to do.
Currently off work on Anual leave, but my team are at work tonight until midnight then not working until Monday. I am on a course Monday and Tuesday so won’t see any of them.

I had a miscarriage at the start of March (coincidently while I was on Anual leave) and it’s been confirmed there is some retained tissue. I never told anybody at work what had happened as I got through the worst of it at home and found everything manageable by the time I was back at work.

I now need to inform my line manager I need time off next week to have the D&c which is booked in for Wednesday.

Do I send an email tonight so she picks it up while she’s on shift? Do I ring her personal number when she’s not at work? But I’d feel bad she had to sort it while at home. Or do I wait until Tuesday when I can swing by the office and tell her in person, but leave it until the night before to tell her.

I’m struggling to decide which is the most appropriate as I feel ideally it should be an in person conversation but it’s just not going to be possible. I’m leaning towards an email this evening but really can’t decide which would be best.
maybe I’m overthinking it too much

I hope it all made sense, thanks in advance for any advice

If I were the line manager here I'd just want you to find the way that works best for you. I'd understand / appreciate / respect any of the options you've suggested. I'd hope that any decent manager would feel similarly x

Email her

Email now is fine. Why does it have to be an in person conversation? I wouldn’t expect you to justify yourself or anything like that. Just tell her you won’t be in on Wednesday. If you’d like more support from her then add that to the email.

Yeah I would email her

Email her

I think email definitely. You could open with “sorry to send an email but wanted to give you as much notice as possible as I need to have surgery for a missed miscarriage on Wednesday, and will need X amount of days to recover.” It gives her more warning and as it’s quite a sensitive subject, she’ll have time to absorb it and word a kind reply. I’ve been in this situation too and I found email was fine and met with a sympathetic response. You prob don’t need to go into when the original miscarriage happened, this is something tou can discuss with her in person when you’re back.

so sorry for your loss and hope the d&c goes well, I found they were so lovely in hospital and you feel a weight has been lifted afterwards xx

Send an email. You could explain doing so because wanted to give as much notice as possible, but people don't mind you not speaking to them personally in difficult circumstances. So sorry for your loss.

You don't need to share full details of what has happened. You could just say an urgent gynae op or medical procedure more generally. Then you can explain more in person if you want. That would make it easier by email

I agree with email. Then ask them to call you at a convenient time. Most managers will appreciate you making the effort to let them know as soon as possible.

If she knew you were pregnant, then you obviously need to tell her you aren’t and that you need some time off for medical issues related to that.

If she didn’t know you were pregnant then you don’t need to explain anything, just that you have a hospital appointment for a small procedure.

Either way, it’s fine to tell her by email.

You don't have to give a reason. Just say you are having an urgent medical procedure. I wouldn't discuss a miscarriage with my line manager. They have no right to know. Just say it's medical and cannot wait. done..

I dropped an email to my line manager with HR in copy for mine.
My male manager wasn't the most empathetic so I copied HR in anyway incase he came back with anything unprofessional. Also if you copy HR in someone else is aware if you don't just turn up.

Email her now. You don't need to go into any details unless you want to. You can call it a gynecological procedure. I'd take the rest off the week off as well.

Depending on whether you want to tell your boss about the miscarriage, you could just say you have a day surgery that day and that you hope to be back (the day after/the week after) and leave it at that.

When I had surgery for retained products I didn't let my boss know as I didn't want him knowing I was TTC. The surgery itself was fine and I was back at work the day after.

Thanks all, I will send the email.

I’ll probably give her a brief overview of what’s happening, she’s always been very kind and supportive.

Does this sound ok? Plan to go back to work Thursday all being well, I’d rather be busy than at home moping.

………

Evening,

Apologies for putting this in an email, I’d have spoken to you in person if I was in this evening, and didn’t want to leave it until Monday and short notice.

On Wednesday I am having a minor medical procedure but should be ok to be in Thursday. Felt I should make you aware incase I’m not.

While I was on annual leave in March I had a miscarriage and there has been part of it retained which needs removing. This is why I was a bit iffy at the start of the set, realising this would need doing and getting it sorted out. From speaking with the doctor today, he thinks I will be fine to be back at work Thursday, and it shouldn’t impact work but there’s always a chance it might.

If this could ideally be kept to yourself - or within as few people as possible it would be appreciated. I don’t always feel too comfortable with people knowing my personal business.

Again apologies for the email you definitely weren’t expecting to receive this evening.

If you’re having a GA I would expect you not to be at work the following day. Your not allowed to drive/sign important documents etc for 24 hours post anaesthetic.
your email sounds fine otherwise. Sorry for your loss- a miscarriage is a horrible experience never mind having to go for a d&c after x

It sounds like a perfectly reasonable email to send. As a manager, I'd appreciate the honesty as it'd mean I was able to support you as much as you needed. I do understand some previous posters saying it shouldn't be necessary - I guess it really depends on your relationship with them.

Very sorry for your loss, OP. I've been there several times and it isn't easy. Hope all goes ok on Wed.

Agree with this post entirely. Take care xx

As a manager, I don't think there's a wrong way to inform me about this.

I would just send your first two paragraphs. She doesn't need to be told anymore unless you want her to know.

If you told me the reason, I would tell you to take the week off as leave if you felt you would benefit from it. Sorry for your loss. Work is just work, people's health is far more important.