That parents should have done the same for both children?

[Mum3202]

My parents have 2 DC (myself and an older sibling).
My sibling had a lot of financial help from my parents throughout his life. He got the big expensive wedding, the financial help when he bought his house, most of the furniture for the entire house, weekly grocery shopping, etc.
I never had any of the above. I’ve started to work at 17, saved for my driving licence and then saved to buy a used car. Worked full time through uni so that I could pay for it.
I was engaged for a couple of years before getting married to DH and never asked for anything but my mom told me straight away that they wouldn’t be able to help with the wedding. We couldn’t afford a big wedding and didn’t want to be in debt just to have a big party so we just eloped and got married. They didn’t even got us a wedding gift. And I could tell my mom was relieved that we got the wedding out of the way without bothering them.
In the meantime my sibling got divorced, moved back to my parent’s house and lives there rent free until now (he’s almost 50 years old).
My parents had been mortgage free for a long time and my sibling convinced them to get a mortgage to buy a holiday house for him to “renovate” (live in).
They have also received an inheritance recently and where it went I don’t know.
I’m worried that he is spending my parent’s money and leave them in debt.
Once my mom told me that the holiday house should be divided by both of us but he deserves more because he’s spending (buying paint,etc) for the renovation. I told her that I know that I won’t get anything because he will never want to sell either their house or the holiday house and she said when the time comes I need to fight for it. So she knows. I’m sure everything will be in his name by then anyway.
He won’t want to sell the houses because he doesn’t have anywhere to go and when the time comes we will ask me to pay care home fees for my parents. I’m a mother now and I need to think about my DC. I’ve told my mom that they need to be financially wise and think about their future because I have DCs future to worry about.
AIBU to think this all situation is not fair?
This has also put me off of having a second DC because I worry I wouldn’t be able to give the same/ be fair to both.

Well when they need care in their dotage the Golden Hand can wipe their arses..

He is obviously highly manipulative and has played your parents throughout their lifetime. I suspect you are right. He will end up with both properties in his name and I doubt they’ll be anything you can do to stop that. It’s too far gone.

There is quite a lot going on here OP

I'm sorry that there is such a stark difference in how you and your brother both been treated. The situation is unfair but there is little you can do about it. I would advise you to seek some therapy about this to work through your feelings, as I'm sure a lifetime of feeling 'second best' by them has taken a toll on you

I think you need to resign yourself to not receiving any inheritance from them- I agree with the general mumsnet consensus that nobody is owed an inheritance (indeed there may not be one)- but I understand why it's hurtful

On the flip side, it's great that you've already mentioned being unable to fund them later in life and urged them to make arrangements for this. Don't get involved any further than this. Do not discuss your finances with them or your brother EVER. I would absolutely not be funding them in your shoes

In regards to having another child- if you are a conscientious person then you can absolutely treat both of your children kindly and fairly (fairness doesn't always look exactly the same) so don't let your parents put you off if this is what you and your DH want