Being left to do all the thinking/organisation

[DashingMeteor]

Currently on holiday in Uk with DP, DS and DD. Both DC are early teenagers.

Throughout the holiday I’ve done most of the driving (DP hates motorways), however when he’s offered to give me a ‘break’ from driving (easy roads) then I’ve had to verbally ok each turn off / act as guide which has been annoying me - I might as well been behind the wheel!

Yesterday, DP was driving. We were going into the nearby town; main road and had already been up/down the same road a few times on the holiday. Admittedly I was in a bit of a grump as everyone was hanging around before we left for the trip stuck to phones/tv instead of getting ready and I had to give directions to them all to get them moving. I couldn’t be doing with driving so sat in the passenger seat. During the drive DP got annoyed with me because I didn’t tell him to take a left (clear big signpost) so in a panic he took a right down a road I’d never been on and seemed to think I knew where to go. I ended up raising my voice and saying I wasn’t his private A-Z and there was no need for me to give directions as 1. We’d been up/down the road a few times and it should’ve been familiar to him by now and 2. It was clearly signposted and he should just open his eyes and pay attention. DP responded by flooring the car shooting off down the road in a rage which scared me (I’ve never been a good passenger since I wrote off a car a few years ago).

When the car stopped, I walked away to calm myself, and was upset but since I cant bring myself to be in his company. I felt so low for the rest of the day (scary thoughts I’ve never experienced before, and thankfully today my mood has lifted) but I’m still not over the incident - should I be? Was my response irrational?

For additional context, I’m the one in the relationship who has to organise everything including bills, Christmas, birthdays etc, even for his family or it doesn’t happen. It feels like I have to do all the thinking and decision making and if I do leave things to him then it’s all wrong…unless it’s linked to one of his interests, he seems to manage that…..

Yesterday while I was away, he took the kids and DD lost her phone - he phoned me to sort it, which I did but I did nothing more than he could have done with the use of FindMy etc….today I find out that he’s come on holiday with no bank cards…..because he’s lost them…..

AIBU to want him to take more responsibility in the relationship and if not, how do I get him to sort himself out?

Sat Nav on your phone.. one of best things invented

Sounds maddening. I’ve just taken my two away alone (widowed) and it sounds much less work than your ‘break’.

His reaction by flooring the car was not on he could have hurt all of you in the car or another car/pedestrians. Easiest thing was for him to pull over, take a minute to compose himself and then discuss whether he needed to swap. So no you aren't irrational or unreasonable to be upset by that still. I think he does need to take more responsibility for things but I get the impression he's never had to or when he does you are a perfectionist so do it yourself even after he's tried?

I am naturally hot headed and will get narked when my husband asks how to make a familiar recipe for example when it's written in front of him. I do have to remind myself that actually he probably doesn't know because he hasn't done it before and by asking I might know a better way what with being familiar with it. Almost like he needs reassurance that he's doing it the same way I would, doesn't mean it's not irritating as hell though. Your DP is probably fine with his interests because he is left to get on with them so is familiar and doesn't need the reassurance from someone to talk him through each step or validate his decisions.

You need to let things fall apart and not pick up the pieces. From experience this is the only way to help him develop the skills to manage. Maybe you should have been uncontactable while having time away. Just told him you were switching the phone off for a while and let him sort issues out

Strategic incompetence - he's deliberately 'failing' so you drive, you sort the lost phone out, you book the holiday, you do the admin.......I bet he doesn't ever get anything to do with his hobbies wrong?

Sounds like you and three children in this family. On the plus side you get your own way as decision maker. But know what you mean ... be nice if DH manbaby helped with mental load

If neither likes driving, there are lots of lovely places in the UK accessible by train

I feel your pain and I think it is sheer laziness. My DH is the same but like you say, not with his own interests - just anything home or kids related!