Work socials

[Quietlonging]

The number of work 'social' events I have to attend is really starting to get to me and I want to know if I'm being unreasonable.

They are normally a late night or an overnight stay. I would say there are about 6 a year and we are told quite clearly that everyone is 'expected' to attend. There are not client networking or business development - just the team. We don't pay for anything, it's all covered by the company. It's a corporate environment so nobody is sticking to 9-5 clock in and out but I think these requests for overnights and late nights are pushing it a bit. I hate being away from my young children and they hate me being away. Others have children but seem to love these excuses to stay away from them! AIBU to push back? I find it weird that these events seem mandatory and nobody else is annoyed by them!

An old mentor of mine used to say that.
Your name isn't A.h. is it? Mind you, he'd be in his 90s by now... So maybe not.

He'd also say,
"Doormats only ever get walked on, often by the people on their way to the promotion"

And
"Every one loves a hard worker... Cause it means they don't have to do as much..."

🤣

‘Oh sorry that clashes with Amelia’s birthday. I’ll join for the next one’

’sorry Dave is on a lads night that night. Will try for next time’

’Ah Theo has a big footy game the next morning that I can’t miss’

If you can’t bring yourself just to say no I just make up an excuse. Blame your husband. He’s away on business a lot. Or has suddenly taken up ultra marathon running so he’s away training.

Christ I have a group of 5 friends and getting a date we can all make only happens about once every 6 months so you can definitely be busy enough to miss at least half of these events

I really don't understand why people don't stand up for themselves.

I'm definitely not in my 90s but old enough not to take crap from anyone including my employer.

Years ago I worked for a company where we were all young and used to socialise a lot. It was lovely we were all friends and spent a lot of time together. In fact one of my colleagues became my second husband. But one chap didn't want to see us all out of work. And that was fine. We were friends with him at work and he was such fun, but he had another life outside of work, and no one bothered him. No problem. We all understood that he had his life and we had ours.
Just do you OP.

If it's part of the strategy of the company, team building, networking with colleagues in different offices etc then you are being a bit unreasonable. Some jobs require this sort of out of hours activities (fully paid for by the company) it's quite sector specific and tends to be part of senior roles

I don't think it really is. Of course, to some degree team building is very important. But the whole team (junior to most senior) are expected attend. I just think the expectation is a bit much, even more so for junior staff who really don't get paid enough for time away from family. A meal or event a few times a year is fine. As I said, this is specific to my team and not at all externally focused networking. Execs who are paid £300k per year expect to be away a lot and available at all times. Not so much everyone else.

I'd let the date get agreed then closer to the time 'oh sorry, can't make this one as xyz has come up'. Probably for every other one or at least 2 a year so you're only doing 1 a quarter on average. You might be overthinking it anyway, I doubt people will notice/care that much, especially if you fake enthusiasm in the run up.

You could make your excuses and not go ... but you will then be off the radar and out of mind. I'm not sure what your role is but effective influencing and networking in a big corporate is essential. Building strong relationships with colleagues often translates to strong performance. It's risky to be absent imo.

Can you reframe it to see it as an intensive chance to get round as many colleagues as possible, meet and greet, discuss what you need to, then you're free again for another 2 months?

I think 6 times a year is not unreasonable or unusual for big corporates.

even more so for junior staff who really don't get paid enough for time away from family.

Many people who don't get paid huge wages would be even more likely to appreciate a night out they don't even have to pay for.

I can't see the issue here.

I think there is a bit of an unhealthy dynamic if a parent can't go for a night out a few times a year.

But it's not 'a night out a few times a year', it's 'stay out for the night a few times a year'..

Some parents simply don't like to be apart from their children more than is necessary. Networking with the corporation means nothing when you have a much wanted child at home.

It’s got absolutely nothing to do with the extent to which your children are wanted.

Agree @MiddleParking

So offensive when posters put out this "I'm a superior parent" rubbish.

It is perfectly possible to have "much wanted dc" and also enjoy an evening, a night, or even a weekend away from them.

Well yes but I guess I just don't like being away from them! Under no delusion it makes me a better parent! Also these nights are really making me feel bad about other nights I DO actually want to go out on e.g. with my friends! I feel it's asking quite a lot of DH to do constant nights alone - it's not something we generally like to do as neither of us are that bothered about nights out!

I wasn't saying it makes them better parents. I was just trying to explain why some parents might not like being away from their children much. No superiority there at all. We are all different.