Changing bedding

[CaroMD]

My eldest son and partner visit about every month or so to ‘help’ me (that’s another story!) or as a stop off on a long journeys, often for one night but sometimes two. On there recommendation I purchased a new bed, mattress, duvet, pillows etc for them a couple of years ago. Recently my son questioned me in a very challenging way about how frequently I change their bedding. I explained I do it after they have slept over for around 10 days in all but air the bedding in between; he was obviously not happy and expects it to be more frequent. I’m in my 70’s and they are in their 40’s, while I wouldn’t expect guests (as opposed to family) to do it I don’t see why they can’t change the bedding themselves. Am I being unreasonable?

No, you are fine but your son is out of order. We regularly visit my partner's parents (85+ but very capable) and we strip the beds when we leave. I am 100% sure that they don't change bedding if guests only slept in it for one night and I wouldn't dream of ever pulling them up on that. How very rude of your son.

Well if they are there to help why can't he strip, wash and make the bed before he leaves?

Every 10 times it's being used is absolutely fine.

What's happened in the background to make him ask? Are they the only people who sleep in the bed or is it ten nights across all guests? Are you turning the bed down when they depart to give it a good air?

Ask him to strip the bed and put the bedding in the machine at the end of his stay then when he arrives, hand him the clean bedding to make his bed.

I think there's only two possible answers to a question like that "Every visit, dear" and risk them thinking you're more capable than you are, so they cut down "help" even more, or "never, dear - you know I can't manage bed-changing any more".

I certainly wouldn't be changing the bedding everytime after one use, not to mention the cost of washing laundry that's hardly dirty.

If your DS is that concerned he can buy a new bedding set and bring it with him, when he leaves he can exchange the 'one night only slept in' bedding for the clean set, thus leaving the bedding clean.

He can then take the 'dirty' set home with him where he can wash it at his own cost and fetch it back on his return and repeat until he gets pissed off with doing so.

Ask them to strip the bedding, you can then wash it and leave it for them to put back on when they return.

This. I'd be revolted if I thought other people had slept in the bed since my last visit. I'd want clean linen every time, but would arrange that myself, whether by bringing my own, or putting the sheets in the wash as I leave and remaking the bed when I arrive.

I don't think the bedding should be staying on the bed for months on end, tbh.

BUT it should not be your responsibility to sort it. He can strip the bed and wash the bedding when he leaves, and re-make the bed when he arrives the next month.

I dunno as I’d find it a bit yuck that bedding id slept in hadn’t been changed from 5 months ago (for example) as any sweat is just still in the sheets. However I’d offer to strip the bed and remake it each time if I was that bothered or offer to bring my own bedding

If they’re coming only once or twice a month then 10 times could be 5 months that the bedding sitting unwashed that dirty. If other people are using bedding that is just plain minging (as we say In Scotland )

Yeah I think changing the sheets every 4-6 months is probably a bit infrequent even if only occasionally slept in.

I’d say happy to do more frequently, but ask if they could strip the bed on departure if they want the sheets cleaned.

I agree it's minging to leave sheets on for that long but when I was in a similar situation with MIL not changing sheets I just stripped the beds myself so I'm surprised your DS hasn't done that. Questioning you about it is very rude.

Well personally I wouldn’t like sleeping in bedding that hasn’t been changed freshly every time for a visit but I get the feeling you have difficulties changing the bed / doing things - is this why they come to “help”? If this is the case they should definitely be changing it themselves or bringing their own bedding with them!

When we visit anyone we always offer to just bring our own bedding. It doesn’t take a minute to whip our duet and pillow off the bed and take along with a clean sheet. It saves so much hassle for relatives to not have to wash bedding after a short visit and no extra work for us as we’ll wash it as usual. He’s rude, especially as he is claiming his visit is to ‘help’.

I voted YANBU because if they are staying so frequently they should be stripping and remaking the bed - you're not a hotel!
I do however agree that it isn't being changed often enough and I wouldn't be happy sleeping in unwashed sheets.

We always bring bedding and towels when we visit family, and with friends always offer to strip the beds. They should offer you the same courtesy

my son questioned me in a very challenging way

Is this just about the bedding? You say they recommended you buy a new bed and bedding - were you needing one anyway or were they encouraging you to do something you wouldn't have done if they hadn't suggested it?

Do you enjoy their visits?

They are the only ones to use the bed and it’s opened up and aired and left open after every visit. Might have caused confusion about frequency but thinking it through it’s probably changed once a month as my son sometimes comes overnight on his own so that adds up, however now realising that when I say once a month it sounds really bad!

We have adult relatives who visit for the odd night or two, if they are going to be the next people to visit we wouldn't change the bed between visits. Obviously we would change the bedding between different people but the same people coming back a month later can sleep on the same sheets they only used for one or two nights!

I think it would be a good idea if they decide. When they think it needs washing they can strip the bed and take it home with them and re-make the bed when they return. Not too much to ask really.