WWYD - DS/DNs Not Acknowledging Gifts

[Chatonette]

My sister and her sons don’t acknowledge my gifts (usually cash). So I stopped sending them (only sending birthday cards instead). DN1 turned 18, so I thought I’d send a final gift, and the timing also aligned to when he moved out to go to uni. I ordered him a £50 voucher, to be delivered to their home.

• 4 Sept - ordered the voucher
• 12 Oct - sent DS an email—did the voucher arrive, or do I need to chase the shop if it went missing/never arrived?
• 19 Nov - sent follow-up email to DS
• 24 Nov - received the following email from DS: ‘So sorry!!! He got it thank you. Life has been crazy starting my new job. Hope you guys are doing well ☺️‘

No acknowledgement at all from DN. I’m not pleased. AIBU to not send DN2 and DN3 the same when they turn 18? DNs are all very close in age. For fairness, should I give £50 to all 3? To be honest, I don’t want to, based on not having my gifts acknowledged over the years, but it feels slightly mean to the younger two.

I gave up sending birthday and Christmas presents to my nephew’s children, because they were never acknowledged. If people can’t be bothered to let you know a gift has been received, I’m not inclined to continue sending them.

I think it's unfair to penalise DN2 & 3 because their brother didn't respond.

I do think it's rude though.

I think having sent it to DN1, you should do the same for the other two. I'd always try to treat them equally. Totally understand you stopping after that though.

hes is now an adult man and it’s absolutely time he learns what most 5 year olds learnt long ago - to say thank you for a gift. Awful behaviour. Stop sending them money

Yes you should absolutely punish 2 other people for the actions of the person you are annoyed with. Great plan.

Once they are 18, message them and say you have a voucher for them which you will give them next time you see them. Don't make any effort.

Just stop sending anything to anyone who doesn't say thank you. It's not like they have to write a letter - it only takes seconds to send a text/WhatsApp. It took me a long time to stop sending stuff to various nephews and nieces because it meant i had to acknowledge that i don't actually have the sort of family i would like to have.

No acknowledgement at all from DN. I’m not pleased

I don't blame you, OP, and while few of us give gifts just to be thanked manners cost nothing - however if he's reached 18 without being taught any it's unlikely to happen now and he'll have to learn his own lessons as to where rudeness gets you

Only you can decide what to do about the other DCs, but if you'd rather not give actual money now, maybe you could suggest taking them out for something which would cost the equivalent? If they accept you can enjoy a lovely time with them, and if they don't at least you'll have saved yourself some angst

This is good!

Surely that depends whether they also have the manners to send thanks, which would surprise me (though of course I could be wrong)

I honestly do get the point about treating the rest when you've done it for one, but that's why I suggested doing something nice with them as an alternative - and if a message comes back that "they'd rather have the money" at least OP would have offered

Surely that depends whether they also have the manners to send thanks, which would surprise me (though of course I could be wrong)

The other two haven’t said thanks in the past, either, which is why I’ve stopped sending money for a few years now. (I recently gave for DN1’s 18th because it was an ‘important’ birthday.)

Spend the money on a treat for yourself , don't encourage them to be ungrateful.

Yes, do this.

I would dare to say DS is at fault as it would appear she / the children's other parent hasn't brought up her children to say thank you (which personally I find very rude.)

In this case, I wouldn't send any more.

Perhaps I naively thought some ‘growing up’ had happened over the past few years.