Visiting your adult children

[worriedMiL33]

We usually visit for a weekend every few months.

However, husband has suggested that, as an alternative, we should visit for a few days during the week.

His reasoning is we could see them at breakfast, then go out for the day and then come back, have dinner and spend the evening with them.

I immediately said it's not a good idea as they work full time and it would be much more inconvenient for them and probably wouldn't want their parents rocking up after a full work day.

They both work hard in fairly stressful jobs and their downtime is usually on the weekend,

He's irritated cos he thinks I didn't give it enough thought, to me though, it's a no-brainer.

To my mind IANBU but am I missing something?

MIL invited herself for 5 nights at short notice a couple of months ago. It was very carefully explained that while she was welcome it was not enough notice for either of us to get time off. She knows we both work full time, we always have. 'No problem, I'll entertain myself ' etc

Predictably she was complaining about having to get the train everywhere after day 2, as well as everything else.
You know when your trying to accommodate someone, they won't express any preferences, but everything you do seems somehow to be wrong? Fun times after a day at work.

I loved it when GPs came to stay midweek, but they didn't treat it as a hotel and go off during the day.

They'd take us to and from school, do some housework and gardening and have dinner waiting when the adults got home.

TBH, as an adult, I might prefer that to having to entertain guests all weekend.

Ask them what they prefer.

Fe me I think it depends on whether you're expecting to be hosted or whether you'll muck-in. If this was my mum she'd cook one day and I'd cook the other which would be lovely. If I had to do fullon hosting on top of full time work it'd be too much.

Ask them. They might actually like it for a change if you are the kind of considerate guests who look after themselves, clear up the breakfast things and cook supper or order a takeaway or fire up the barbecue or take them to the pub for dinner so you are reducing their workload rather than increasing it. Also, it means they have more weekends to themselves for seeing friends or chilling 😂

I have visited adult children during week - the main reason was to look after children/help out but there has been occasions when the purpose was to take children to school/nursery and pick up in the afternoon as one of the parents away on business so middle of day was "free time" so after doing things like putting on washing/dishwasher and tidying kitchen/room I was able to go out and see the sights another occasion I was staying the week but they had friends visiting one day so I wasn't intruding

I would have loved my mum to come, tidy a bit, pop on a dinner, maybe bake a cake, do her granny bit on homework ( no nonsense there) and then a little chat after dinner. So only if its a help and improves everyone's life. Kids enjoy being picked up by grandparents but if afterschool etc is in place it would not work. Maybe during school holidays for childminding.