Husband’s birthday and my mum

[Jellyfish03]

It was my husband’s birthday last week. My mum was aware as I offered to get her a card to send him, which she said yes and she signed it. This evening she has text me to ask what should she buy him as a gift. AIBU to say it’s okay don’t worry about getting anything? In my opinion his birthday has been and gone so it’s a bit late now to be asking.

Thanks all 😀

Yes I wouldn't bother now. My sons is like this and I just say don't worry about it and he's more than happy not to.

Thanks! It does annoys me that she thinks this is okay but it wouldn't be okay with my mum if we asked her days after her birthday what she would like as a gift.

This is double standards and it's not fair.

You should reply, 'Thanks mum but his birthday was last week, it looks bad getting a present now as it will be late. Next year shall I remind you a few weeks before?'

Tell her it isn't his birthday for another 51 weeks and she's way too early.

A sibling never used to get anything for my DC birthdays, not even a card, if mentioned it would always be "I forgot but fine I'll buy something next week"

No....just no.

Your Mum is supposed to buy your husband a birthday present?!

Unless it was a significant number and they were attending a birthday party or similar I can’t imagine any of my family buying my husband a birthday present (or card), or him caring much about it either.

Just tell her thanks, but it’s already gone, not to worry. (That’s probably why she’s only asking now, that’s what she’s hoping you’ll say and then she’s shown willing but doesn’t actually have to buy anything.) If it really rankles with him then just suggest he doesn’t do much for her birthday.

YANBU to tell her not to worry and no need to buy anything for your husband.
YABU if you’re irritated that she offered a gift only after the “big” day.

Sorry what's what happens in your family regarding birthdays got to do with the OP?!

Just because your family wouldn't buy your husband a birthday present unless it was a significant number, doesn't mean that's what other people do?

What a strange reply.

What does your DH think ? I'd rather have a present late than not at all.

What have your family’s birthday customs (or lack of them) got to do with the OP? She’s not a member of your family.

(FWIW, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t get a birthday present from their PILs.)

My point was not every family does presents for their daughter’s husband and I don’t think it’s a universal expectation that OPs mother has somehow failed on.

Does OP’s husband buy a separate gift himself for his mother in law on her birthday? Is this a normal custom in OPs family (her mother received presents from her in-laws etc) or is this just OP and her husband’s expectation? I just don’t think the OP’s mother has necessarily done anything wrong and I don’t understand why OP is annoyed, unless of course there’s more to it.

It’s AIBU, people’s personal experiences generally inform their opinions. But if you find my post strange that’s ok, there’s plenty of others.

Wouldn’t your H be pleased to get something even if it’s late, though? One of my brothers always gives presents the next time he sees us, which could easily be 2-3 weeks after the event. But as it’s usually wine or beer and chocolate, which are always welcome, we’d be daft to get snitty about timing.

@Pogointospring

You based your reply on what you do in your household, which is completely irrelevant. Its obviously annoyed the OP, so it's an issue. It's not just me, the post after mine said exactly the same about your odd reply.