To not let Ex Partner in my house anymore

[Flossyrocks]

We broke up 6 months ago. He was a useless bastard and was horrible to my son from a previous relationship. We have 2 DCs (5&3) and he’s been coming round twice during the week and putting them to bed. He also has them one night at the weekend at his house but it’s too far to take them in the week. When he comes round he is so rude and disrespectful to me. The whole atmosphere in the house changes. I’ve told him today he’s not coming in anymore, he can take them for dinner or an activity during the week instead. Apparently this has made him suicidal. Should I carry on letting him in to put them to bed?

Nope! Don’t let him or anyone in your house who can’t behave appropriately!

he shouldn’t have been rude and disrespectful!
his actions have consequences.

stand by it, he can take kids for short time to not disrupt their routine. He gets to put them to bed when they stay at his.

don’t pander to his demands and emotional blackmail.

Nope. He’s not allowed to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.
my ex threatened suicide many times when we split. He’s still very much alive.

No stick to your guns. Horrible people don't get favours. Your children shouldn't see their mum treated that way. Maybe you could reassess in a few months if he decides to control his behaviour, although I wouldn't myself.

Don't let him in. "Feeling suicidal" is manipulation. If you are worried, I think the police can do a welfare check. That might piss him off!

Apparently this has made him suicidal

Oh fucking bore off. No time for men with this empty, pathetic & manipulative threat.

Put boundaries in, stick to them and let his threats fall on deaf ears.

if it was that important to him, he wouldn't come into your home and completely disrespect you and make a hostile environment. I'd spell out to him exactly why I was at the point of stopping it and maybe give him one more chance whilst knowing the consequences but if he did it again, it would be a non-negotiable no moving forward.

Absolutely not. He shouldn’t be allowed to come in at all, even for a few minutes.

Suicide is a common threat from these abusive twats. Next time send the 👍emoji when he threatens it.

No - no more chances, people don’t need to be told to behave like a reasonable mature adult. And I say this as someone with an ex husband who still comes round numerous times a week and we’ve been seperated 4 years - I would not tolerate it if he was disrespecting me and causing an atmosphere in my home.

" I'm sorry that this has that sort of affect on you. I'd suggest you contact your GP"

What a manipulative tosser.

My friend did this in the end and it was the last time he tried it. I think he felt like an absolute arse when the police showed up at his door and he was chilling watching the football. Best bit was he had the kids at the time so the police requested she meet them there to take the children and got to witness his red face.

Fortunately the kids were 3 and under so had no idea what was going on.

Ask him why taking his kids out for a meal make him feel suicidal?? And tell him it was his behaviour that ended his visits, you were doing your best to be kind, he wasn’t.

I think give him 1 more chance. If he has a great bond with the children I would encourage that. If he is rude again then no more!

I imagine the problem from his point of view is that he doesn’t want to spend money on them eg dinner, cinema trip etc. But he really should’ve thought of that before, shouldn’t he? I wouldn’t let him over the threshold.

I made the mistake of letting XDH into my house. I didn't have the guts to stop him. If you can do it then keep him out. Presumably you've told him it's his attitude that has led your actions.

I had already told him he wouldn’t be coming round if he carried on so the second chance ship has definitely sailed. Thanks for everyone’s views. It’s genuinely helpful to see that he is using emotional blackmail. It’s hard not to second guess yourself when someone is putting all the blame on you

No don't let him in, this is your and your dc safe space now. If he's suicidal let the police know and they can do a welfare check on him

'your threat of killing yourself has been forwarded to the police. As a consequence of your behaviour we will now only be communicating via this parenting app. Here's the link'
[Block]

you know that's just manipulation don't you... he's trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants...

Absolutely love it.

He's caused the issue by being vile. Your son will not enjoy his visits and as he's creating a bad atmosphere his own children will be affected. Stick to your guns. If he wants to see them midweek he can collect them at the front door and take them out. Don't let him in. Protect the sanctity of your home. If he becomes difficult call the police. He's not suicidal just manipulative.

This is my situation too. Poor choice to make a child with. I kicked him out whilst pregnant he was awful. He doesn't have a proper place to see his child or spend time aside from his parents so I let him use this space here as the child is comfortable in their own home. He's since been extremely rude and disrespectful to my other children. He's due to move into a new place and that should really put an end to it. I agreed to it because it (I had thought) would be better for the wee one to bond with him in a safe place but at times he's over stepped the mark. I keep telling myself it won't be for long but the mere sight of him is a smack in the face for me allowing this. So if I was you OP I'd tell the bastard to fuck off, have minimal contact and keep things on your terms.

Don’t back down on this one. He had his chance to have some lovely quality time with his 2 children by putting them to bed twice a week and he ruined it by being a nasty prick. Your home is yours and your children’s sanctuary, no one should be allowed to make you feel uncomfortable or unhappy in your own home.

I doubt he’s genuinely suicidal about this (these types of men always seem to behave this exact way when they’re not getting things their way in my experience). But if he is, he’s done it to himself. It’s definitely not your fault or your problem. Keep any messages you’ve both sent and screenshot you might need those at some point.

You've broken up but are continuing to try and play happy families with the kids.
It's time to get a clear segregation between his time - and your time.
Could he have every second weekend fri - sun or Mon and every wed night?
And no you are not being unreasonable at all. It's your home and he no longer lives there.