To feel rotten about this, or am I being over sensitive?

[GemsDays]

What do you do when you feel caught in the middle?
Examples:
Divorced parents, one treated the other really badly but you get on with both. How do you reconcile the feelings?
Two friends fall out, nothing to do with you but causes a real rift in the friend group and makes you feel horrible. You can see both sides but seems to be irresolvable between them.
You work with a friends ex. He was horrible to her. But honestly he is a fantastic colleague: supportive, hard working, positive. It's easy to forget he was so bad to your friend and box it off for work purposes. But it makes it a bit akward with your friends as they all obviously hate him and hate that you seem OK with him at work and so you have to try and avoid the work topic with them altogether incase his name comes up.

Is this all just part of life and we just have to put things in boxes and accept its nothing to do with you?
Why do I get such unpleasant feelings and feel so uncomfortable/anxious with this type of thing?

YABU = let it go, its nothing to do with you and YABU to feel this way.
YANBU = your feelings are valid, it's not easy, here's some advice

I have found it impossible to stay fully neutral in some situations - as you just end up with neither side trusting you. I generally say to one side or the other, "look, I want to stay friends with XYZ, however, please be aware, that if I am forced to take sides, it will be your side" That has worked for me. And actually, in the long term, rifts simmer down, and people can end up on friendly terms again. I have never been forced to take sides.

It might help to start thinking about the situations you describe, rather than just feeling about them. Most of us deal with situations like the ones you describe regularly, and have developed boundaries and a personal moral compass to help us navigate them.

This allows us to, for example, recognise that John behaved horribly to our friend when he was dating her; and that, while he is an exemplary work colleague, we wouldn't be spending any more time with him that we had to.

Thinking about the way people we know treat other people we know also allows us to establish where our boundaries lie in regard to how involved we get, and when. My friend Susan says something silly to my friend Mary and upsets her - I'm not going to take sides, but if Susan breaks up Mary's marriage, I'd be cutting her dead.

It might help to start thinking about the concept of loyalty, too, and how much loyalty a person can expect from you in various situations. You ask - "Is this all just part of life and we just have to put things in boxes and accept its nothing to do with you?" Your friends and how they behave towards you and each other is not "nothing to do with you", it is everything about the quality of your life.

I don't think you should've manipulated the voting to that degree to be honest.

I voted YABU because it's nothing to do with you, but I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel that way.

You might have to put the offenders into seperate boxes. Eg Sarah's husband John was awful; colleague John is good at his job.
Bill is a horrible husband but a good father.
Treat them as 2 seperate people and avoid discussing them when possible.