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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is something owed

21 replies

WhatAreYouOnAbout · 09/04/2024 09:25

My dh and his bro fully own a house and I have had mine on mortgage - all before we met. We live mine because it’s bigger and in the town we work in unlike the other one which is down the country. We split all family expenses and have a joint account, including ‘my’ mortgage. His brother and husband give him a portion of ‘rent’ for his house - considering what it would be worth if it was on the rental market. He uses this money to contribute to ‘my’ mortgage. Something does not add up to me. I love him of course and that’s an entirely different matter. I do not think this arrangement is fair as he is benefiting from my asset but im not benefiting from his. Am I being unreasonable?? I would appreciate some help wrapping my head around this that has been going on a few years now.

OP posts:
CraftyBum · 09/04/2024 09:30

Yeah I don't see why you'd be benefitting from his when you don't live in it. He's paying to live in yours.

NoodleNuts · 09/04/2024 09:32

What would you consider to be fair then?

I can't see anything wrong with the current arrangement - he is paying towards your mortgage and still owns half of another property which surely as you are married, you will also benefit from eventually?

TipsyKoala · 09/04/2024 09:34

Actually it sounds like he missing out. He owns half a house, whereas you own your whole house despite him contributing to the mortgage. Does it matter when you're married? Don't you consider your assets to be shared anyway?

Overthebow · 09/04/2024 09:36

But you’re married so surely you are both benefiting from both? If you divorced his share of his house would go into the pot to divide up. Equally, yours will too. I would stop looking at it as his house and your house as you’re married. Take your income as a while and pay all mortgage and bills proportionally.

Nudgethatjudge · 09/04/2024 09:36

What do you think is fair?

If you divide bills fairly, and he's contributing to your mortgage and you are not left personally with far less disposable income per month than him.... what is it you would you like?

You are likely benefit as his spouse if he died and received his half of his house or the brothers decide to sell it and he shares his half with you or puts into a pension.

Do you feel he is miserly with money?

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 09/04/2024 09:36

If money from his asset is paying towards your mortgage you are benefiting from the income from that asset.

It becomes problematic if you divorce or one of you dies. Divorce creates a class of marital property in which you may have stakes in each others assets and debts, but this doesn't apply in death so if you're not both on title as owning the home you live in you can will it where you please in death. He can do the same with his share of the house with his brother.

If you divorce the fact you're both living in your home will over time create a stake in it as a marital asset. The situation with the house he owns with his brother is less clear. The solution here is to see a solicitor and agree to ring fence the equity existing in your house before marriage. You are benefiting from that asset of his, I don't know if that would over time create a stake. These things get more important when you have a long marriage whereas a short marriage especially if no kids they're more likely to restore the status quo before marriage.

ZipZapZoom · 09/04/2024 09:37

So he use the rent form the house he jointly owns to pay towards a mortgage on a property you own and you think you're missing out somehow?

If anything he's the one missing out paying a mortgage on a property you consider to be yours and yours alone...

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 09/04/2024 09:38

For me it would depend on how much spare money you each have.
and also, what would happen if you divorced. Would you both get a share of each property or neither get a share of the others. Would he have a claim to your house but you not have a claim to his?

CountFucula · 09/04/2024 09:39

? He pays rent basically. You don’t live in his house? Not sure what could be fairer?

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 09/04/2024 09:45

So your husband's brother and his husband live in the house and they pay your husband a rent/monthly payment in respect of the fact that he (your husband) owns half of the house but doesn't live there.

Then your husband pays you a fair share of the costs of your house/household in respect of the fact that he doesn't own any of it but does live there.

I don't personally see how that's unfair. It's irrelevant that he happens to own half a house with his brother - whether they saved up to pay for it, paid to develop a wreck and significantly increased the value or otherwise inherited it; it's just a part of his income.

Stickyricepudding · 09/04/2024 12:30

You come across as greedy and grabby tbh, if your dh and bil ever sold their property then you will benefit again as well. You will benefit twice from him as he's already contributing towards your mortgage. Don't be daft.

snowlaser · 09/04/2024 12:33

His house:

  • You pay nothing towards it
  • You gain nothing from it

Your house

  • He pays towards living in it
  • He gains from living in it

I am struggling to see the unfairness

Kittenkitty · 09/04/2024 12:53

Is the problem that he effectively pays his share of your mortgage with the rent he receives, so his wage is completely his own, whereas you pay your mortgage out your wage so have less disposable income?

Also if you’re married and contributing to the mortgage it’s his house too, regardless of the fact you owned it first.

AmiShitsaline · 09/04/2024 13:05

I feel like the brother has a bit of a raw deal as well, he is paying market rent to live in a property he half owns but he would be better off buying your DH out and paying towards a mortgage.

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 13:51

Am i being a bit thick? He uses this money to contribute to ‘my’ mortgage.

Unless you mean that you've added him onto your property and he is entitled to a portion of it - this is him contributing to your asset right?

Original poster
WhatAreYouOnAbout · 09/04/2024 19:07

Kittenkitty · 09/04/2024 12:53

Is the problem that he effectively pays his share of your mortgage with the rent he receives, so his wage is completely his own, whereas you pay your mortgage out your wage so have less disposable income?

Also if you’re married and contributing to the mortgage it’s his house too, regardless of the fact you owned it first.

Yes this is the issue: he effectively pays his share of my mortgage with the rent he receives, so his wage is completely his own, whereas i pay my mortgage out my wage so have less disposable income.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAreYouOnAbout · 09/04/2024 19:09

Nudgethatjudge · 09/04/2024 09:36

What do you think is fair?

If you divide bills fairly, and he's contributing to your mortgage and you are not left personally with far less disposable income per month than him.... what is it you would you like?

You are likely benefit as his spouse if he died and received his half of his house or the brothers decide to sell it and he shares his half with you or puts into a pension.

Do you feel he is miserly with money?

Not at all miserly. He’s better with money than me, and generous.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAreYouOnAbout · 09/04/2024 19:13

AmiShitsaline · 09/04/2024 13:05

I feel like the brother has a bit of a raw deal as well, he is paying market rent to live in a property he half owns but he would be better off buying your DH out and paying towards a mortgage.

Yes, it would be good if they would just sell it and one buy the other out.

OP posts:
SharedAccountWithMySister · 09/04/2024 19:31

WhatAreYouOnAbout · 09/04/2024 19:07

Yes this is the issue: he effectively pays his share of my mortgage with the rent he receives, so his wage is completely his own, whereas i pay my mortgage out my wage so have less disposable income.

Show quote history

Presumably he has paid more towards a mortgage over time which has made him mortgage free? If he still was paying towards a mortgage on a house he didn’t live in would you feel happier?

Whatdoyoudowiththedrunkensailor · 09/04/2024 19:35

WhatAreYouOnAbout · 09/04/2024 19:07

Yes this is the issue: he effectively pays his share of my mortgage with the rent he receives, so his wage is completely his own, whereas i pay my mortgage out my wage so have less disposable income.

Show quote history

Ok
but his rental yield is basically a second wage. It’s a bit like if he made more money than you and his mortgage contribution was a smaller % of his salary than yours. Did you want him to pro rata the mortgage payment depending on monies he receives in wage/from this? I think given you have sole ownership you have a decent deal

Original poster
WhatAreYouOnAbout · 09/04/2024 20:53

SharedAccountWithMySister · 09/04/2024 19:31

Presumably he has paid more towards a mortgage over time which has made him mortgage free? If he still was paying towards a mortgage on a house he didn’t live in would you feel happier?

Show quote history

Hmm.. getting close.. the house was given to them, they never had a mortgage. I on the other hand spent over 10 years paying my mortgage before we met. I know I’m being unreasonable but everyone’s ideas and thoughts here are so helpful and welcome 🙌

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