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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to work in an office

15 replies

Happyassalarry · 08/04/2024 21:36

Please only leave only kind and constructive comments. I realise that I am more fortunate than many people out there. Yet I am at crossroads and would appreciate your advice.
My yongest and 3rd child will start secondary school next year and DH has bought up the topic of me looking for an office-based job.
I have been self employed for over 12 years and I earn 40K a year, which is not a lot for London and for my level of experience and qualifications. BUT I work term-time only and have a lot of flexibility, I have been able to support my children with their homework, take them to after-school clubs etc.
It worked well financially, but after the mini budget our mortgage has gone up, as did all the other costs, plus we would like to pay the uni fees for the kids so that they don't get into debt. So could really do with a higher income. We live modestly and don't spend on luxuries, expensive holidays etc, we don't have a car.
So I'm in two minds. The advantages of an office job would be more money, paying for uni fees, saving for retirement, paying off the mortgage faster. The disadvantages would be being in a higher tax bracket, so effectively I would not earn that much more. It feels unfair to my youngest child as I wouldn't be able to provide as much support as for the older two. Also I am anxious about going into an office full of young and energetic people. Would I be able to cope with stress? I remember my corporate jobs being really stressful.
What would you do?

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 08/04/2024 21:39

If you are self employed but only term time why can’t you just work during the school holidays too?

BeakyPIinders · 08/04/2024 21:41

Could you earn 40k in an office based job? Will he take up the slack at home when you aren't there? Has he thought of all the other jobs you do while working from home?

ThinWomansBrain · 08/04/2024 21:43

is £40k your turnover or gross profit?
Higher rate tax kicks in at around £50k
if not wfh, cost of commuting

If you have more time when youngest goes to secondary, is there no chance of simply taking on more work in your own business? - or very part time employed and continue your business?

TitaniasAss · 08/04/2024 21:44

Just work in the holidays as well?

Goldfishonabike · 08/04/2024 21:50

If you go into an office job and it turns out to stressful and your home life can’t work around it, can you return to your self-employed career? Remember we can always try things out and change things again if it doesn’t work, very few things are definite.

as per default I’m in favor of women making sure they have financial independence. Do you have that now? Do you have a pension or will you be relying mainly on DH’s pension? If you were to divorce or for whatever reason DH (fingers crossed not) wouldn’t be around anymore or wouldn’t be able to provide as much as now, can you then manage to relatively easily go into a better paid job from your current status as self-employed, or would that option slowly disappear with the years?

Those are main questions I’d be asking myself in your situation. Your youngest kid will be fine as long as you are!

truly get it that you’d like to keep your current flexibility, I’d be the same I your shoes and currently dream of a scenario like that, having an office based and stressful full time job. Sadly not an option for me as DH currently unemployed and generally has a less stable income as self employed in an unreliable industry. That being said, I have promised myself to never be financially dependent on anyone and to at all times be able
To provide for myself and my children. That is my main goal in life as have seen to many women left in bad situations after divorces or husbands loosing jobs/becoming ill etc etc. Also in my experience it’s not good for the relationship to have unequal incomes for too long, for a while it works but over the long term it creates a bad dynamic.

gamerchick · 08/04/2024 21:53

Lot of work in different scenario threads recently.

No OP, stay as you are. Sounds like a decent work life balance.

cestlavielife · 08/04/2024 21:55

You don't need to pay uni fees . They can get a loan. Maybe they do apprenticeship. Maybe they never earn enough to pay back the loan.

Do the job you want.
Your wellbeing is important too

40k is reasonable For term time only?

Original poster
Happyassalarry · 08/04/2024 22:05

Thanks for your posts. In order for me to work in the school holidays, I would need to find new clients, new projects and that could take a lot of time. If I find an office job, I would earn 50 K or more. And we will need money for uni in September

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 08/04/2024 22:11

Happyassalarry · 08/04/2024 22:05

Thanks for your posts. In order for me to work in the school holidays, I would need to find new clients, new projects and that could take a lot of time. If I find an office job, I would earn 50 K or more. And we will need money for uni in September

But if you NEED the money and don’t want to work in an office then surely you need to invest the time to get new clients to stay self employed? I don’t understand what other options there are.

Original poster
Happyassalarry · 08/04/2024 22:18

Goldfishonabike · 08/04/2024 21:50

If you go into an office job and it turns out to stressful and your home life can’t work around it, can you return to your self-employed career? Remember we can always try things out and change things again if it doesn’t work, very few things are definite.

as per default I’m in favor of women making sure they have financial independence. Do you have that now? Do you have a pension or will you be relying mainly on DH’s pension? If you were to divorce or for whatever reason DH (fingers crossed not) wouldn’t be around anymore or wouldn’t be able to provide as much as now, can you then manage to relatively easily go into a better paid job from your current status as self-employed, or would that option slowly disappear with the years?

Those are main questions I’d be asking myself in your situation. Your youngest kid will be fine as long as you are!

truly get it that you’d like to keep your current flexibility, I’d be the same I your shoes and currently dream of a scenario like that, having an office based and stressful full time job. Sadly not an option for me as DH currently unemployed and generally has a less stable income as self employed in an unreliable industry. That being said, I have promised myself to never be financially dependent on anyone and to at all times be able
To provide for myself and my children. That is my main goal in life as have seen to many women left in bad situations after divorces or husbands loosing jobs/becoming ill etc etc. Also in my experience it’s not good for the relationship to have unequal incomes for too long, for a while it works but over the long term it creates a bad dynamic.

So many good questions here. Food for thought

OP posts:
downsizedilemma · 08/04/2024 22:27

In your shoes I would seriously consider prioritising keeping family life on an even keel over paying your DCs university fees. You don't need me to tell you that teenagers and young adults need a lot of support, and it sounds like you are currently really well placed to provide that.

@Goldfishonabike makes good points about pensions and independence though. I would also prioritise your pension over DCs fees.

(My view may be coloured by the fact that I think it's a brilliant achievement to be earning £40k freelance and term time only with the flexibility to take DC to activities etc - but I appreciate I am not in London and have no idea what field you are in. But I send you my admiration anyway!)

HeddaGarbled · 08/04/2024 22:33

we would like to pay the uni fees for the kids so that they don't get into debt. So could really do with a higher income. We live modestly and don't spend on luxuries, expensive holidays etc, we don't have a car

Utterly daft to compromise your lifestyle to this extent in order to avoid uni fees. Let them get loans like everyone else does, except the children of rich people, which you are not.

NewName24 · 08/04/2024 22:33

I don't understand how you are going to walk into an "office job" earing £50K, even more so as you presumably haven't been in that sort of a role for more than the 12 years you mention being self employed (as you have 2 older ones and the one about to go to secondary).
What do you even mean by 'an office job' ?

I wouldn't give up my own successful business and a good work life balance, in order to pay my dcs' university fees. They will be adults then, and can make choices about how much work they do at University and / or in holidays or if they take a year out first to build up some funds. Them not having to make student loan repayments is obviously a very privileged position for them to be in, but there is a limit as to what parents should be expected to do to give them that privilege.

Nor does it even seem to make sense, financially, when you say you won't earn that much more due to tax brackets, plus of course you will have costs to commute as well.

Original poster
Happyassalarry · 08/04/2024 23:14

Lots of good points here. Our children's generation will sadly have a worse start in life than we did (I didn't have to pay for uni), it would be good to help out Oour kids financially. However, our generation is worse off than our parents due to high property prices and a need for a good double income to keep afloat. Saving for a pension is a very good point.

OP posts:
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