I am having a shit day

[Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy]

I have four teenagers, they are lazy.

I've come home again today to a mess and I'm not happy. I'm so tired, so so tired of life.

I'm clinging on by my fingernails and still failing. Today I've called my 16 year old daughter a cheeky bitch.

My 17 year old son told me he's going to Australia in the summer and he's never talking to me again.

I'm sitting at my kitchen table crying my eyes out.

No advice but hang in there 😞

Yes. It's incredibly draining when your teens refuse to help out. And when they get annoyed by being asked to help out especially after they have made a lot of mess themselves.

They don't even clean up their own mess, it's exhausting.

They are running rings around me in some aspects and I just can't be arsed with them anymore. I live in hope that a lightbulb will come on when they grow up.

Are they close to you ?

(((HUG)))

Hang in there. Most of them are lazy, disrespectful & fucking annoying!

...sweet, kind, loveable too.

i find it helps to think of them as oversized toddlers & not expect too much more of them.

what age, sex, are the other two??

have you eaten? Had a drink?

Teens can be really lazy and selfish.
Have a drink and a bath, do something for you and go to bed early if needs be. Ignore the mess for now xx

Sounds tough!
Do they rely on you for stuff like money or lifts or whatever. Could you stop doing thigs for them until they do their bit? Certainly make sure you're not doing their washing or cooking for them especially if they're older

This made me really feel for you OP 😥You do sound exhausted, and I know what that’s like. I don’t have practical advice I’m sorry, but wanted to send a hand hold. Hang in there and, as others have said, can you maybe do a few little things for yourself?

Oh OP that’s tough.

Teenagers are by and large total ungrateful pricks.

Write it off as a bad day.

If it’s any consolation I have had to make my DH take my 5 yr old in his room
instead of mine tonight (we’re away with 2 rooms in a hotel) because I literally couldn’t listen to any more of his belligerent hectoring for another 5 minutes! God knows what he’ll be like by 16!

Sorry you're having a bad day. Sounds like it's time to withdraw things you do for them. No lifts, treats, washing, ironing, only cook basic meals and cater for for one choice only. No money loans, buying stuff for them.

They'll soon realise what an amazing mum they've got 🥰

That really sucks and made me want to hug you. Teenagers can be so awful and ungrateful.

Presumably you have been at work and will be going again tomorrow. Do not clean up their mess, walk away, ideally with a big girls drink in your hand. Stop all money, lifts, washing or cleaning for them. I remember telling my mum that I was leaving, she offered to pack me a lunch to take.

Do you have a partner living with you? It sounds as though you are literally outnumbered. It's so hard, I really feel for you.

I'm not sure sure Australia will want your son if he doesn't have any skills!

I went through an extremely difficult time with DS1. We both said some terrible things to each other.

I changed tack completely and began to smother him with love. (not that he was unloved before! I just really stepped it up).

Speaking lovingly to him and telling him I loved him all the time. Checking on him, seeing if he wanted anything etc etc. Going in to say goodnight, making sure he was warm enough.

It might sound strange but it worked.
We stopped fighting with each other and things settled down and became much nicer for us all.

I still say to him;
“I’m on your side and I love you.”

PS. You are not failing. You are being a human being! Please try to be kind to yourself, a cliche I know, but important too.

It's ok to feel like shit! Look after yourself and try and remember there are people struggling in much worse situations. Find some strength from somewhere and keep on keeping on.

Have a good think about what you give them - and rein it in.

Basically they need to be taught a lesson.

Leave a mess?? Oh no - no allowance next month. No lifts at the weekend. No treats in the cupboard.
Then you calmly explain that they need to earn these privileges- because they are not rights.

Tomorrow is another day - get yourself off to bed and decide tomorrow what you’re going to do that will have an impact on them. Try to stay calm and rest your relationship with them.

Reset - not rest!

You're not failing, don't be so hard on yourself. I've been exactly where you are. It feels like you're constantly trying to push a Boulder up a hill, keeping everything together. When you take a break and the kids see the Boulder start to fall back, not only do they not stop it the fuckers actually give it a bit of a shove. I don't have a solution. The only thing that worked for me was just saying fuck it occasionally.

Do they get an allowance from you? Favours like lifts? Washing done/meals cooked for them? Time to go on strike.

When they start complaining, call a family meeting and draw up a list of expectations/chores. They're nearly adults and it's time they started acting like it.