This will be long. Neither of us are perfect and in the beginning we could work well through any problems but 6 years and 1 child later I'm starting to think WTF was I thinking.
When I met him it was just a fling. He gambelled a drank more than average so resisted getting serious however, he made changes. Its not like he had to change and I did nothing because I've also put in effort to the relationship over the years.
We recently went for a weekend away and alarms suddenly went off that this isn't right. He likes to control alot of situations like always has to drive, tells me off in public if I make a decision he doesn't like, says no to almost everything such as purchases, future plans and decisions I make for out child such as deciding she's ready for a toddler bed or to gradually reduce her night time bottle. Also makes a big deal when I want to visit my family. When baby was born, I tried to breastfeed and I wasn't producing milk and she got jaundice and was admitted until she would drink formula and I was distraught but once I started producing milk he refused to let me breastfeed and he got his family involved. This added to my depression because I really did want to breastfeed. I wasn't against topping up with formula. Also, when I gave birth(traumatic) his sleep needs came before mine and when I got upset about it he just blanked me and acted so grumpy towards me. This is something that happens often now we are both back to work.
There are little things too that might not be noticed but when we go anywhere, he always has to take the passports, tickets, keys, decides what we do, where we eat, if I want to leave somewhere he gets annoyed and sulks but when he needs to leave its fine with me.
I'm not incapable like I made sure we got the house we live in now, I take care of the bills, I get our kid to nursery and pick her up, I take to extra curricular activities, I keep a home, I cook and prepare for the next day, I deal with any appointments and issues we have with anything in general. I work and also study which takes up some of our money (not much) but he brings it up often as if that's where all our money goes!
I confronted him and told him he's controlling and he said well so are you.. this is because I asked him to stop playing the lotto when he couldn't tell me how much he spends a week.. I feel like it's a tie to his gambelling and also, he was starting to drink more and more.. I told him I've no problems with the weekend drink to relax like that's normal but you continue for the week. He's refused both, its his money he can do what he likes.
I had a panic yesterday thinking because he won't leave if I ask him and he said with a few drinks before he would keep our child. I'm terrified of putting her through something awful. I love her so so much and I love being her mother, she's my whole world and everything I do now is to give her the best life I can give her and make sure she gets the best she can. She's a clever, funny and active young girl who has so much love to give.
Her Dad loves her and she loves him but she needs her Mummy. She needs us both and I would never get in the way of their relationship but if he pushes me to make those decisions what choice do I have..
Even though I've expressed my feelings and basically told him to leave, he hasn't come to talk about it or try to sort it he just plods along!
Is this something I should try and fix or are my gut feelings right and I should start making plans to leave him.