To feel sad about having to go back full time to work

[MLC2017]

So me and my DH have been together 13 years, married for almost 9 and we have a 6 year old who came home to us through adoption at 16 months. I currently work part time 22.5 hours, which I increased when my Dd started school from 18.5 hours. Since January I have picked up an additional temp contract making my work week 32.5 hours. This has just been extended until the end of May. I have the opportunity to step up come September to full time, there would be some flexibility to allow me to wfh after school pick ups etc. financially we are just about afloat without the additional hours I am doing but we have a large chunk of debt that we are trying to clear. We decided for this reason and the fact that we don’t have a huge support system and my DH also has football, additional commitments and work a fair distance from home that we wouldn’t be able to go through the process again to have another child as originally planned last year, something I’ve come to terms with. Now I have the opportunity to go full time, I feel very torn and sad about this. Financially we would benefit hugely from the opportunity, but I am largely responsible for the childcare around school, and the main bulk of the home, as well as responsible for finances and arranging all childcare and child activities when not at school. I feel worn out already with the extra ive been doing and I feel like I’m already being torn apart with guilt every time I miss something. My DH things I’d be silly not to go for the full time role, but I don’t think he’s getting the full implications, and only thinking about the financial aspect. I feel a little like I’m being cheated out of the opportunity to be at home with my DD for a little longer, but at the same time, the financial stress we have had in the last year is something I also dread going back to once the extra hours are gone. I’m also surrounded by a lovely group of friends who are amazing, but seem to manage much better, have nicer tidier houses, and work less, and I guess I feel sad that we don’t seem to be able to cope.

I think the point is that the costs have to be weighed up carefully as working ft ( in op’s case just a few more hours than she is already working) is sometimes not always a saving in every area of life.

Thanks everyone! Just to address a couple of points, my husband referees so does financially benefit from football, although it is a bit of a win win for him as he enjoys it. We have spoken about him dropping some bits and helping more which he agrees to, I guess I’m just nervous that that won’t necessarily happen as he says, ( we have had a few conversations over the years). Finances isn’t the sole reason for us not adopting again, we both said we would like more but we didn’t want a big age gap between them and we know we weren’t ready yet. I appreciate all the comments of support, I’m aware I do need to suck it up a bit!

I think this is my concern, my current hours are during school and allow me to still work the odd assembly and activity in when needed, by picking up the extra permanently I guess I’m worried that I won’t have the opportunity to do some of this and miss out on some of this while she’s still young.

Still waiting on the exact salary atm, but based on my current salary at full time it would be a considerable increase.

I’m not sure id class myself as lazy! I do work, and have always worked. If I was not working and refusing despite financial stresses I may understand your comment

Thanks, my current contract is 22.5 hours (hence part time) but I picked up an additional temporary role until May for an extra 10 hours a week. The new role would be a more permanent move to 37.5 hours a week, so not a huge amount more than what I’m doing now. I think I’d just had in my head that a few months of hard slog and I could drop back down. Although the extra ive earns has gone straight to clearing a debt, there have been things that we hadn’t anticipated that have eaten into how much of a debt I could make. As I’m sure everyone feels there’s always something else that either breaks and needs fixing/ replacing!