14 moth old doesn't sleep before 11pm

[yvonneb13]

Posting on aibu for traffic basically that I have a q4 moth Old and regardless of what I do he doesn't sleep before 11pm or later he has 2 naps fired 1 nap was hell cause he was overtired the good thing is when he's asleep he's asleep that's him he woke wake till 8-9am but it's really putting a strain on me and my partner we have no time together well it feels that way we have no evening like other couples and he's made a comment tonight how we "don't act like a couple anymore" and brought LO sleep in to it saying if he went to bed like "other" one year olds 7pm he mentioned. I don't know what to do yeah it's annoying but he sleeps good when he's asleep and to me that's what I think about he doesn't . He's just fell asleep there also DP is sulking downstairs any advice? I guess the aibu is to tell parter to deal as he sleeps well when he does fall asleep

14month old that was meant to say

Your partners feeling are perfectly valid. Not having any time together in the evenings is hard and this is a hard phase, even though it is normal for babies not to sleep. He’s being a child by sulking but if you dismiss his feelings that’s no better. I’d keep working to try and bring bedtime forward, but make sure your DP
plays his part in this too.

My DD is the same. She is 9 months. In fact she's still up now wailing. No matter what we do, she wants to sleep at 10/11pm and wake up at 9/10am. No amount of nap tweaking or bedtime routines change this. We just accept it and be grateful foe the lie in when we don't have to get up for work/other DD. My DH doesn't seem to be too bothered... maybe because he's also been a part of the fruitless effort to get her down earlier!

How do I do I've tried I tried keeping him up and he was so overtired it was even later and a lot more stress

This is incredibly hard, completely get about not having the evenings together.
My son is 2 and goes to bed bang on 7pm and will sleep through until 7.
That's not me bragging or rubbing it in your face as it's taken a lot of time for us to get his bedtime routine like that.

I would highly recommend a sleep consultant to go through some sleep training with you. It's really worth the money

If you aren't comfortable getting a sleep consultant in then I would start by making small incremental changes (I.e bringing bedtime forward by 30mins and be consistent every night)
There will likely be tears but leave it any longer and you're in for an absolute nightmare when your child turns 2 and the tantrums start around bedtime.

I get to id kill for a 7-7 that's my drenched currently up teething badly but it's not my fault he can't blame me nor can he blame LO in my head I just think he'll grow out of it we have date night once a month where babies stay with granny feel like he just wanted a moan tonight but saying we don't act like a couple

Meant to add I'm against cio there is no way in hell I'm letting my baby cry I wouldn't want to cry myself to sleep so why would anyone in there right mind let there child.

But if you have any suggestions that doesn't suggest crying I'm all ears i want him to know I'm his conform always

Understand some are completely against cio.
We did the Ferber sleep method training which worked for us (which is a method of cio, but not for long periods)
My son is 2 and now sleeps on a floor bed in his own room.. he will give us a kiss and get into bed and we leave the room and we don't hear from him until he wakes at 7

You need to contact a sleep trainer.. the sooner the better as this will only get worse for you as baby gets older and their norm will be a very late bedtime
The tantrums will start during the day as baby will be tired and you and your partner will be absolutely wrecked as toddlers are very hard work and need occupying full time

Start waking up at 7am. Max of one hour nap no later than 1pm. Bath and bed at 7pm. If cries keep returning to reassure and stick with it. Look up 3 day nanny back to bed routine on you tube it Will be hard for a few nights/mornings but this is what you need to do to crack it I'm afraid.

Do you just let him sleep in the morning? You need to be consistently getting him up at 6:30-7 every morning. I know that’s painful and you’ll worry about him being overtired but it’s likely what will change his 11-9 sleep window. So wake up time consistently earlier and nap times consistently earlier.

Look at a form of gradual withdrawal you sit on floor next to cot hand on no eye contact or noise if he gets up you lay him back down without a word then over days you won't need your hand and you can start gradually sitting further away it generally takes around 2 weeks if your consistent be prepared to sit for an hour or more so get comfortable.

Mine was similar to this at around that age. He's 2 now and sleeps through 7.30pm-6.30am (never sleep trained). The thing that got us to an earlier bedtime is having a consistent early wake up. I set an alarm for 6.30am every day. It's not for everyone but, for me, evening time with my partner was more important than a later wake up!

This is so funny, when people complain that their child is up at 5am and they hate it, consensus is that some children are just early risers and you just need to ride it out, but when it's about staying up later, then you need to train them! Funny the double standards to observe cultural standards.

(not being sarcastic here, just truly finding it an interesting observation. I'm from a country where 11pm-9am would be very normal and waking up at 5am would just be getting up in the middle of the night but also been here for 25 years so a 11pm is not quite right either. In our case we were in the middle of the 2 and I believe children have an internal clock but parents can definitely tweak it!)

Sorry just coming
Back to this. How many naps
Does you LO have and how long for?

Honestly! You have a child that sleeps through night and sleeps in for the mornings, which some parents would love. You cant have it both ways - it's usually either an early night or a late morning... if you want him asleep earlier I'd suggest consistently waking him up early as someone else has suggested. Likely to be a few painful days and then he'll start going to sleep earlier.

If you dont want to give up the lie ins, then you have to cope with the evenings - once he's ready to drop a nap you can start putting him to bed a bit earlier.