before I start I know I’m being unreasonable and I also know I sound like the worst mother in the world, don’t worry I feel it too. before having my second child I always heard people say ‘ you love them the same ‘ and how they’re equal etc. to cut it long story short I struggled to bond with my first and it took until DC1 was around 10 months to feel a proper connection..I thought she hated me etc. unfortunately due to the lack of bond she became very attached to her nan. I fell pregnant with DC2 when she was around 9 months..I felt an instant connection with this baby I cried when I heard the heartbeat for the first time time, cried at the gender scan and sobbed when DC2 was put in my arms for the first time. I am so in love with DC2..I love my first born too but omg I’m the worst mother in the world to say it but I feel so much more for the second born. DC1 is the happiest little thing but has the bond we should have with their nan rather than me. I try my hardest to build a bond and she does love me but she prefers her nan and it’s very clear to see. DC2 is my little double and I feel such a strong love and bond- it’s indescribable, some days I just cry because the love I feel is so intense. I’m crying writing this because why can’t I feel this for my beautiful first born. I’m terrified she will pick up on this ( I know she will ) I don’t want her to be the scapegoat child and I know I seriously need to sort myself out. I’m expecting the hate comments ( i hope they hurt me enough to sort myself out ). had anyone experienced similar. I do think I’m probably experiencing some sort of post partum depression