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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m a horrible mother

2 replies

sarah12397 · 07/04/2024 21:28

before I start I know I’m being unreasonable and I also know I sound like the worst mother in the world, don’t worry I feel it too. before having my second child I always heard people say ‘ you love them the same ‘ and how they’re equal etc. to cut it long story short I struggled to bond with my first and it took until DC1 was around 10 months to feel a proper connection..I thought she hated me etc. unfortunately due to the lack of bond she became very attached to her nan. I fell pregnant with DC2 when she was around 9 months..I felt an instant connection with this baby I cried when I heard the heartbeat for the first time time, cried at the gender scan and sobbed when DC2 was put in my arms for the first time. I am so in love with DC2..I love my first born too but omg I’m the worst mother in the world to say it but I feel so much more for the second born. DC1 is the happiest little thing but has the bond we should have with their nan rather than me. I try my hardest to build a bond and she does love me but she prefers her nan and it’s very clear to see. DC2 is my little double and I feel such a strong love and bond- it’s indescribable, some days I just cry because the love I feel is so intense. I’m crying writing this because why can’t I feel this for my beautiful first born. I’m terrified she will pick up on this ( I know she will ) I don’t want her to be the scapegoat child and I know I seriously need to sort myself out. I’m expecting the hate comments ( i hope they hurt me enough to sort myself out ). had anyone experienced similar. I do think I’m probably experiencing some sort of post partum depression

OP posts:
Scarramoosh · 07/04/2024 21:35

Untreated PND from your first pregnancy needs treating now

Pls see your GP

Brotherstogether3 · 07/04/2024 21:39

Firstly. You are not a horrible mother. You are trying to do your best, which is what we can all do. I remember experiencing similar but it was with my second. My first was an absolute nightmare sleeping everything so needy and when my second was born he wanted nothing, just fed and I could not understand how I could not bond the same way and they clutched on to their aunt, that bond is still there today. I eventually accepted that actually I loved my first born from the moment he was born but that love was allowed to grow, day in , day out whereas my second was born and I hadn’t had that chance yet. I’m you in reverse. You didn’t get that time, likely PND. I also fell pregnant at 9 months, 17 months between both boys. Would not recommend that age gap to anyone. Not then. Now maybe.

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