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Please stop me choosing men like this

11 replies

Letthemusicplayy · 07/04/2024 16:29

Men who seem to think they have a right to critique how I look/what I wear.
The first guy, this was a while ago now, but he one day randomly told me that I had forgotten to shave a patch on my legs the first time he stayed over.
I have some purple veins on my thighs, not quite sure what they're caused by but one day he said 'you ought to get rid of those ugly purple veins'.
I used to have bad acne and he 'joked' once that he'd been embarrassed to be seen with me because of it.
He told me I had a big nose (I've had a nose job since)
Screamed at me over the top and trousers I was wearing asking why I can't wear 'normal clothes ' like other girls. Screamed at me that I looked like a lesbian because I got a pixie haircut once.

Second guy not as bad but still slightly douchey. Only seemed to like me with a bob, didn't like me with anything too short or too long. Got hair extensions once and he laughed his head off for about 2 hours and kept making jokes.
Had a fringe once and he just pulled a grimacing face.
Had a short pixie cut and he kept saying I'd had a 'mohican'.
Grabbed the skin on my arm and told me I could fit another arm in there (I am a size 6-8)
When I once wore a miniskirt he asked me who I was trying to impress and acted as if I were dressed to tout business.
Both men were slightly overweight and actually insecure in how they looked, they both admitted this and both admitted they had put me down to feel better about themselves.
It's vile and I didn't deserve it. Not sure how to avoid this in the future? I did nothing but compliment them, I would never have insulted their looks even for a second.
I'm single but scared to encounter this again.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 07/04/2024 16:32

do you have children?

Letthemusicplayy · 07/04/2024 16:33

brocollilover · 07/04/2024 16:32

do you have children?

I don't

OP posts:
brocollilover · 07/04/2024 16:34

in the last 24 hours you’ve started multiple threads about different issues with men you’re dating!

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 07/04/2024 16:35

Why do you think you didn't break up with both of them the first time they made such ignorant vile comments to you, let alone the second? Sadly none of us can help you, you need to find the strength to draw a boundary yourself.

Bdaybdilemma · 07/04/2024 16:37

brocollilover · 07/04/2024 16:34

in the last 24 hours you’ve started multiple threads about different issues with men you’re dating!

So? Why are you investigating her you creep? No rule against simultaneous threads. She's obviously doing some soul searching.

OP have you read any books on the subject? I've heard 'Conversations on Love" is good.

Merryoldgoat · 07/04/2024 16:39

You have good boundaries and get rid at the first red flag.

If any man criticised my appearance I’d have told them to fuck off.

In my experience most people who are happy alone without a partner are less likely to put up with that bollocks.

Good self esteem is the best gift you can give yourself.

brocollilover · 07/04/2024 16:40

Bdaybdilemma · 07/04/2024 16:37

So? Why are you investigating her you creep? No rule against simultaneous threads. She's obviously doing some soul searching.

OP have you read any books on the subject? I've heard 'Conversations on Love" is good.

i was on one. started… today 🙄

an hour ago in fact

PonyPatter44 · 07/04/2024 16:42

@Merryoldgoat nailed it. OP, maybe do some reflection on why you don't just sling these men out the first time they make you feel bad, or small. Why do you think you don't deserve anything better than arseholes like this?

BigPussyEnergy · 07/04/2024 17:30

I’ve had some shitty men in my 50 years but no way I’d tolerate one who made me feel ugly or undesirable. In fact it’s probably my low self esteem that has made me tolerate other bad behaviour because I’m pathetically grateful they fancy me despite being old and fat! For me sexual attraction is the one thing that differentiates a romantic partner from other friends, so if he made me feel like he didn’t fancy the pants off me, he’d be gone. Dont give the next one a second chance to insult you. It’s definitely their insecurities and that can make them use the cruellest digs to put you in your place.

RiderofRohan · 07/04/2024 17:33

Is the problem the choosing or the staying.

You might not know what they're like at first. They likely hide their true colours.

But if you stay when they are vile to you, they will only get worse.

It's for you to make the decision to choose yourself and leave.

PostItInABook · 07/04/2024 17:37

Raise your standards and believe you are worth more than shit like the previous ones. And be comfortable with being alone.

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