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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner won't accept his own behaviour

5 replies

Rosemary1981 · 07/04/2024 16:03

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, I am so exhausted and have put up with so much for so long, but today really hurt and I'm so fed up with his behaviour and wondering what the hell is his problem.

Our child has a diagnosed rare condition, I had to fight two years to get this diagnosis which was eventually diagnosed via lots of brain and blood tests, I have spent hours and hours in hospitals for child's condition and work so hard to keep them healthy.

Our child is also currently going through asd/adhd screening which again I've had to do it all, school are very much on board and feel our child has both conditions as well as proprioceptive disorder, child has many interventions at school.

My partner denies it all mostly, and projects on to me that I am neurotic and that our child's behaviour is all to do with not being pushed enough. He is a teacher by the way.

For example child will not ride a bike, tackle anything at a height or learn to swim.

I was advised via professionals to take the slow exposure route with tasks like these. My partner went ahead and bought a £160 bike yesterday and is having a tantrum child won't sit on it.

Today we went to the park and I met them a little later on, as I pulled up I can see him walking off and leaving 7 year old child in floods of tears.

He is shouting at me how child wouldn't go down the zip line. I reminded him that its the proprioceptive disorder, and he was so angry at me again claiming im neurotic and that our child is basically just being a brat causing a scene.

The other day he took child swimming and tried to bribe with a toy to go down the biggest slide....it didn't happen I've said he needs to read up on it try different methods and change own expectations because he's asking of something that child won't do if at a heightended fearful state.

I refused to engage with him any futher today, but did make a comment how I won't be gas lit or play in to this narsassric tantrums any more and this is all about him not our child, and his parenting, behaviour and personality are in serious question.

He is moody and unsociable, and just refuses to acknowledge his wrong doings of which the list is very long.

I took the child away and asked what happened. Child says "he made me promise I'd do it and when I didn't he said I couldn't go to soft play" to me this is setting child up for failure and I'm beyond irriated, I actually just wanted to cry.

Just to add he is undiagnosed adhd/asd put the forms in and refuses to chase it up claims he likes himself the way he is...his behaviour causes enormous issues.

I feel like on some level he won't even accept child's medically diagnosed condition let alone anything else, on some level I think he's angry at himself i can't work it out can anyone help me out on this to understand what is his issue he cannot communicate just blows up

OP posts:
Renamed · 07/04/2024 16:06

This would be absolutely unacceptable even if your child was just scared of heights- many people are, and it doesn’t go away through bullying.

Octavia64 · 07/04/2024 16:07

It's not unusual for one parent to be in denial about a child's medical needs.

They don't want to admit that anything it wrong.

You are probably going to need to protect your child quite a lot.

I'm sorry. My ExH did get it a bit eventually.

Venturini · 07/04/2024 16:16

Renamed · 07/04/2024 16:06

This would be absolutely unacceptable even if your child was just scared of heights- many people are, and it doesn’t go away through bullying.

This. I wouldnt be letting him look after him unsupervised until he acknowledges he has a serious problem and actively seeks help to address this instead of bullying his child in this way. Its appalling and hugely damaging behaviour.

MumChp · 07/04/2024 16:19

I would consider couples' councelling and my future in marriage.

Itsbeenabadday · 07/04/2024 16:24

Professional help for your husband is required. But he needs to want to change his behaviour. I suspect the root of his bullying of your child lies in fear and shame. Your child needs to be protected from him. My father was similarly bullying, we are not longer in contact.

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