"He's just too nice."

[Fedupofwindyweather]

I've heard this a few times from friends over the years when they didn't want to see a guy again.
Don't want to sound naïve but it seems very meaningless in my eyes, it's a clumsy way of saying they don't fancy the person.
Ultimately, they want a man who treats them very well. I'm guessing the man agrees with everything they say, has no opinions, they find him boring/not fun enough.
I think it's just a nice way of saying very bland. Has anybody else ever said this about a man and what did you mean exactly?
Not sure if men say it about women as much as there's more expectation for men to be the alpha, dominating type.

I think you are right that they find the man bland or boring. It’s not necessarily wanting someone more dominant but perhaps wanting someone who has a more compatible personality. People can still be very nice and be amazing in bed, have a great sense of humour, be kind annd considerate, and be financially independent.

And also perhaps it means a lack of attraction.

It generally means they are boring, what it doesn’t mean is that women like bastards.

I mean the incredibly agreeing people pleasers in life struggle to make friends don’t they so why wouldn’t it be the same with romantic relationships. I hadn’t even heard the term people pleaser or hadn’t really taken note till I joined MN.

Or it might mean that they're behaving in that weird cloying way that some men try when they think they're flirting but are in fact coming across as either intense or insecure.

For me, too nice means that they put people / friendship first and wouldn’t share opinions because they are different. They also may not have strong boundaries, and let people walk all over them which can cause problems etc down the line.

To me ‘nice’ brings to mind boring, bland, and insipid. If ‘nice’ were a colour it would be beige. As a descriptor it suggests a complete lack of personality.

It's funny but the main people I have heard say a man is "too nice" is men themselves. Three of my ex partners were self confessed "nice guys" and I can give you a spoiler, they were not, actually, nice guys at all.

I have once heard a woman say a guy is too nice but she swiftly explained that she felt he was possibly gay and a man-child unable to make the simplest of decisions. He would ask her advice on what to order, speak like a baby (ick!) and generally was quite fey.

Apparently the French don't have a term for people pleaser, so use it in English in their conversations. It isn't a natural state for a person to be but very British.

I work with a 'nice' guy. He devotes himself to his wife and child. Works full time and does all the cooking and housework. Wife doesn't work and does nothing. He's so lovely, he'd literally do anything for anyone.

But to me, he's just a doormat/mug. I could never be with someone like that.

This. Completely insecure and trying too hard. It’s just unattractive, end of. They seem to be a very lovely person, but ‘too nice’ in that they’re falling over themselves to do things for you and it just puts you off

If a man ever declares himself a nice guy, he is 100% not a nice guy. Extra points if he slags women off for liking ‘bad boys’ and they deserve to be treated like shit.
The funniest ‘too nice guy’ story I heard was when someone went on a date with one. When they got to the restaurant he couldn’t choose what to eat, so phoned his mum to ask her what he’d prefer 😂

For me, too nice means that they put people / friendship first and wouldn’t share opinions because they are different. They also may not have strong boundaries, and let people walk all over them which can cause problems etc down the line.
Same here and if I was dating I'd want to feel like a man was having an authentic conversation with me, not likely to be saying whatever he thought I might want him to say.
Being "too nice" to me also suggests someone might be a doormat or a people pleaser or is very passive and will take the path of least resistance.

The above, and also so willing to put any opinions of his own aside in order to be agreeable that it ended up impossible to actually have an equal relationship - even simple things like "what shall we have for dinner" turned into "you decide". Lovely not to be contradicted, but incredibly annoying to have to take all responsibility, make all decisions, think of all entertainment etc etc. Also hard to actually have a discussion of the news etc as unwilling to offer any dissenting or original views.

In my experience from friends saying this, they were addicted to men who treated them badly. They were bored by genuine men who were kind and pleasant, and attracted to those who kept them at arm’s length, breadcrumbed and had a taste for negging.