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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Adult child won't look after themselves

1 reply

CalmBeforeStorm01 · 07/04/2024 13:58

My adult DD recently had emergency surgery and is now recovering at home, part of which requires her to take care of her wounds to prevent re-infection. She was in a grave situation before the op and it's such a relief that she is out of danger but it is going to take a little time for her to fully recover. She is really sore and is suffering mentally, being very weepy and not caring whether she lives or dies.

The week she was in hospital was one of the worst in my life, not knowing whether she would make it or not. It's only the two of us and we have no family. My friends and work colleagues have been fantastic but at a practical level, I have dealt with everything including taking time off work. DD means everything to me and it's really frustrating for me that she won't wash, she won't let me dress her wounds, won't get out of bed, engage in conversation, nothing. I have told her that she is running the risk of being admitted back into hospital and to consider the bigger consequences of that on her, her job and me but it's not making any difference. I've tried the argument that the more she takes care of herself, the sooner she will be back to normal but don't get anything except refusal. I have arthritis and am in pain myself most of the time, even walking the dog between treks through the hospital multiple times a day has been excruciating.

I love her with everything I have, she is clearly struggling and I'm not quite sure how to get through to her. Any thoughts would be welcome.

OP posts:
EnterFunnyNameHere · 07/04/2024 14:12

That sounds really tough on both of you OP. It's pretty obvious that she's become quite depressed from your description. Are you able to make a GP appointment, ideally for her but worst case for you, to discuss what approaches might be helpful? You could try talking to her about why she's feeling like thus when on the face of it the operation should help in the longer run (?), but it can be tricky to have those conversations productively when you're in the thick of it!

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