To think a 10 year old shouldn't be on their phone at 1am?

[WhereCanWeBe]

NC... My stepchild (just turned 10 last week) has unlimited access to their phone at the residential parents house, all throughout the Easter holidays their last seen on WhatsApp is midnight/1am, latest time this week was 1.40am. My DH checks each morning as he's so concerned. He has spoken to his child only for the child to say they have been allowed a 'late night'. I don't have a child that age myself but surely this is ridiculous?

Before anyone pipes up that it's not my business/it's up to the resident parent then fair enough. I'm just trying to gauge what's normal for 10 year olds and mobile phones!

That wouldn't be happening in my house.

My 10 yo wouldn't be using WhatsApp at all however.

No, it’s not normal. Even if it’s just during the holidays, this will be habit forming and potentially exposing him to content he is too young to see.

I don't think a child should have access to their phone while they're supposed to be in bed, no. It's all harm and no benefit.

Residential parent? Is that a boarding school thing? Or just the other parent?

Wouldn't be normal in my family.

In my house:

• a ten year old wouldn't have a phone
• all phones stay downstairs overnight
• a ten year old would not be up at 1am basically ever.

Are you sure it’s the child? My 11 daughter has a phone on the understanding that I have full access. She leaves it in my room when she goes to bed. I’m not a great sleeper and sometimes check her phone when I wake up in the night.

your other half could mention this to the resident parent. I would!

Sorry I meant to put resident parent, the parent they spend 80% of time with, just so everyone was aware that the child spends most of their time at that house.

I have friends with 9/10 year olds who don't have phones yet, not sure if this is the norm or not. It just worries us what the child is looking at at that time.

nothing you can do about it, it is the decision of the parent whose house they are in

This was my suggestion until DH spoke to child who said they are allowed 'late nights' in the holidays.

Yes I know.

Yes I know.

I think children of divorced parents often get phones a little early so they can contact the other parent. But it should have restrictions on it. My DD's blocks everything except audio books at 9pm.

IMO a 10 year old should not be on WhatsApp full stop. The official rating is 16+. Our primary school has repeatedly asked parents not to allow WhatsApp because of constant issues of bullying, exclusion, inappropriate content being sent etc.

I would also say it is poor parenting to allow phones late at night. Phones downstairs at bedtime is a pretty normal boundary even for much older kids.

In my experience a 10 year old (Y5?) having a mobile phone is very young. The summer term before going to secondary school would be more normal round here.

Any responsible parent wouldn't even allow a 14 year old unlimited access like this!

I hope there are suitable filters in place to prevent access go inappropriate material.

Judging by the fact that my DD last year, at 11yo, commented on the fact that the Yr7 girls WattsApp group was often active to midnight on a school night (when she checked her phone on the morning, she kept deleting the group because it was "boring" and getting readded by well meaning friends), and when did they sleep...

I'd say its actually quite common.

It isn’t normal for a ten year old to be awake at that time or to have free access to WattsApp . It’s difficult to know how best your partner can address this.

My DD is 10 and she hands her phone over at 8pm when parental lock kicks in and she can't go on anything, 1am is ridiculous.

I'm often surprised at how late some of her friends message her when I check through her phone, makes me feel like I'm the strict parent but to be honest I'm ok with that!

My dd is getting a phone for her 10th Birthday next month but it's staying downstairs when she goes to bed. I would not be happy with her being on what's app at that time.

My 10 year old doesn't even have a phone yet.

Of course a 10 year old should not be on a phone at 1am, good grief 🙄

Thanks all, in ways husband can address it, he has asked other parent why they are up so late/such free access to phone and is always ignored. We have restrictions here but it's worrying as I think it may start child not wanting to come here as it's a free reign at other house. I do hope I'm wrong.

Well the resident parent is crazy to allow that! When my children were younger (probably up to the age of about 15ish) they handed over their phones by 9pm - earlier when they were younger and they didn't get them back until they were ready for school the next morning. Crazy allowing that

If your husband wants to manage this more effectively then he needs to have his child more than 20% of the time. His ex manages 80% of the time. I don’t agree that a 10 year old should be on their phone at midnight but until your husband takes on more of the time of raising his child he can’t expect to have more than 20% of the influence.

Not normal, our 14 and 12 year old leave their phones downstairs at night, and the internet turns off on them at 8.30pm week days and 9.30pm Fri/Sat for both.
They also both have an app on them that allows us to set the amount of time per day they can use the phones. 1.5 hrs on school days and a bit more on weekends - if they want more time they have to request it through app.
its not fool proof but does give perimeters and allows us to have conversations about use.
Neither kid has social media either.

If a 10yr old really needs a phone then it shouldn't be a smart phone. I don't see why a 10yr old needs a phone at all though

In our friendship group it is the kids with divorced kids who have more freedom over this and are in their phones way more, and not in a positive way but that’s because it’s almost impossible to manage if both parents aren’t in agreement. There’s only one set of parents who agree properly on stuff, in the other couples there’s the ‘Disney’ parent who seems to want to be the one that the child likes ‘best’.
Sounds like you either have a Disney parent issue or someone who’s overwhelmed by the day to day so taking the path of least resistance over this issue

My 10 year old doesn’t have a mobile phone so certainly not normal here.