I know that title sounds a bit crazy. I was married to my first bf that I got with at 15YO and with him 25 years. We have 2 dc, the first born after 14 years and the second after 16 years together.
May ex and I grew up together. He was a good person, he loved me but could be very moody. We had a great life pre children and did everything together. The moods were bad though, but after the dc were born he got worse and eventually cheated on me. He then was aggressive and sometimes with spit/throw things/lash out at me. This would happen once or twice a year, sometimes he would be so frightening towards me I’d have to call the police.
we split when the dc were 11 & 9.
we gave them both the best childhood we could. A nice home, they knew they were loved and we had lots of happy family times. I really miss those happy times and my children being small so badly. My kids little were just the sweetest children. I’d watch them in bed peaceful and be glad to hear them coming through in the mornings at weekends. They’d jump in bed with us and it was the best feeling with those two little happy people.
I’m now with someone else, my dc live with me and my ex is with someone else now too although he doesn’t live with his partner of 4 years. She had a 13yo daughter.
my ex was really horrible at times and it’s kinda scarred me towards men and how I think of them, eg I think most men have no respect for women, treat women badly and always have bad thoughts about women, it’s got my defences up and I come across cold to men. Particularly friends partners as most of my friends too have split and in new relationships due to their exes being similar to my ex. These new partners of my friends may turn out to be the same so I am suspicious of them. My friends partner is always saying to her I’m not friendly to him but I am, and I do like him so what do they think when I don’t like them? Tbh I don’t actually care. my feelings are coolness to men.
My current partner of 8 years is great but I feel like I’m waiting for him to go like my ex as he was nice for years too. Tonight my DP is at work and my DC now 18/20 year olds were out and staying at their dad’s house as he is away on holiday. I’m home alone crying at 2.30am wishing it was Circa 2009 with my small son and daughter in bed and my ex and I happy having had a nice evening watching film, bottle of wine with plans for a nice day on Sunday doing something with the kids. I’m looking back with rose tinted glasses I suppose. I just miss the really young family unit before things went bad and I wish it could just have been normal.
im all set off because I heard Kate bush woman’s work in Tik tok and was already sad and questioning my relationship in case my partner ends up like my ex did.
not looking for advice, just a wee rant and feeling frustrated that life never ends up how you set it off to be.