Teenage DS struggling to let go...

Linlithgow · 2024-04-06T22:55:22+00:00

DS17 works full time apprenticeship trade. Started going out to the pub and generally doing his own thing. I am really struggling to cope with the fact he growing up, I constantly worry if he's okay and safe. It's driving me nuts... not really an AIBU more any tips and advice

goldenretrievermum5 · 07/04/2024 00:11

Be proud of him and be thankful for how fortunate you are. He is independent, working, has a great, well paid career ahead of him and is out happily socialising - there is really nothing else you could ask for. So many parents can only dream of their DC doing as well as your DS is right now. You’ve obviously raised him really well OP, now is the time for him to flourish on his own.

BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 00:14

Ahh I have 3 adult DS (youngest is 21) and it is hard at first.

But be proud of him and don't assume for a second he won't need you just as much now he's growing up.

He definitely will but just in different ways.

Onwards and upwards

Original poster

Linlithgow · 07/04/2024 00:33

Thank you 😊 He is obviously out drinking, which I was doing. I suppose I know what kind of mistakes I made at his age and worry he will do the same but yes you are right I should be proud and have more confidence in him

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BobbyBiscuits · 07/04/2024 00:40

It's fantastic he's starting a trade, which will make him massively independent and resilient as the building industry isn't for shrinking violets. Hell be learning skills, teamwork, customer skills, budgets/costings, principles of starting your own business. He's already showing his maturity by doing this. Lots of young folks in their 20s barely know anything about an honest days work.
Is he living at home? Once he's earning he should contribute to the house and be doing his own laundry, cleaning and at least some cooking and food shopping. Be proud of him becoming a responsible man.

novocaine4thesoul · 07/04/2024 00:41

I know exactly how you feel. My son is 18. Like @BettyShagter I have 3 older children, and have been through the mill a bit with the others at times, mainly the oldest boy who used to go missing for days on end. They definitely don't all tread the same path, and sometimes you just get one that is pretty sorted - rejoice ! My son has lots of freedom (forged by the others) but I too worry for my son, not overly, but probably more than I should, and ridiculously, he worries that I worry ! On snapchat (something he uses) I can see where he is and I have told him that I will not resort to it unless I absolutely have to. I have looked at it a few times when he has not come home at night, and seen that he seems to be at his friend's house or active within the last X hours, I then put my phone down and never say I have looked. Both of my youngest two allow me this, probably as a result of watching us crying and wringing our hands over missing older siblings, involving the police after days of missing with no contact etc. Try not to worry, if they go off to Uni, you would never know. It's hard that you are not needed so much, but believe me, you will get used to it, and appreciate it. x

Original poster

Linlithgow · 07/04/2024 18:17

BobbyBiscuits · 07/04/2024 00:40

It's fantastic he's starting a trade, which will make him massively independent and resilient as the building industry isn't for shrinking violets. Hell be learning skills, teamwork, customer skills, budgets/costings, principles of starting your own business. He's already showing his maturity by doing this. Lots of young folks in their 20s barely know anything about an honest days work.
Is he living at home? Once he's earning he should contribute to the house and be doing his own laundry, cleaning and at least some cooking and food shopping. Be proud of him becoming a responsible man.

Thank you, yes he lives at home. He pays £25 a week board and saves £80 a week with his dad ready for a house deposit. He does small bits around the house if I ask. Now I am writing it all out and reading back I can see how wonderful he actually is 😂

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Original poster

Linlithgow · 07/04/2024 18:18

novocaine4thesoul · 07/04/2024 00:41

I know exactly how you feel. My son is 18. Like @BettyShagter I have 3 older children, and have been through the mill a bit with the others at times, mainly the oldest boy who used to go missing for days on end. They definitely don't all tread the same path, and sometimes you just get one that is pretty sorted - rejoice ! My son has lots of freedom (forged by the others) but I too worry for my son, not overly, but probably more than I should, and ridiculously, he worries that I worry ! On snapchat (something he uses) I can see where he is and I have told him that I will not resort to it unless I absolutely have to. I have looked at it a few times when he has not come home at night, and seen that he seems to be at his friend's house or active within the last X hours, I then put my phone down and never say I have looked. Both of my youngest two allow me this, probably as a result of watching us crying and wringing our hands over missing older siblings, involving the police after days of missing with no contact etc. Try not to worry, if they go off to Uni, you would never know. It's hard that you are not needed so much, but believe me, you will get used to it, and appreciate it. x

Oh gosh! I would be beside myself, but I was actually an awful teenager. I also went missing and didn't consider my mum at all.

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