Has anyone left a marriage/ relationship with a child with significant disabilities

[MoominPyjamas]

Desperate and don't know what to do.
I'm so miserable in my relationship. My children's father is lazy, depressed and makes our house unbearable. He swears and belittles me.
However my child has autism, is unable to attend school (never has attended as they couldn't meet his needs). His behaviour is extremely challenging, but he also has anxiety so I cannot go anywhere without him unless he is with his dad. We are waiting for a specialist placement but they keep falling through. I have another three year old child too. The problem is that my son hates change to the point where he will kick, bite and hit me.
I cannot take them both out on my own incase my son kicks off, it's not safe for my other DC. I don't drive.
He won't leave the house and I can't really tell the police it's abuse as it's not that bad. He is just refusing to leave as he is on the tenancy and says he can't afford to move out on his own.
I don't have anywhere to go. My son will not be able to tolerate us leaving the house, he can't cope in new surroundings.
I just can't do this anymore.
He is pretending things aren't that bad and says he will kill himself if I leave.

Anyone?

I have

I'm not going to lie it was relentless. There were days I thought I wouldn't survive. People don't understand how hard it is to be a lone parent let alone of children with additional needs.

One day at a time. And it does get easier. When you look back you will wish you had done it sooner as distance makes you realise the abuse that 'isn't that bad' really is.

Good luck OP 💐

I think you just need to bite the bullet. Find a place to go and just go. Yes your child will hate the change but soon the change will become the norm. Better to do it now when they're young than later.

@Notsureaboutittoday but I don't know how I will pay for it. My son is so noisy, I worry we'll get evicted and he breaks so much stuff.

Can you speak to social services to get the placement looked into quicker? Is it residential?

@HelloMiss no it's three short mornings a week. I would never want him in residential, he's my son.

Can you go through Shelter or someone like that? Is there some sort of autism charity that could help? Can you get on the council list. I don't know really but you could try, doesn't sound like you've done any research or anything really. Be proactive.

No he left so it wasn't a choice, 4 kids two autistic, one middle rate care one high rate care, the one on HRC hasn't been to school for 2 years. Didn't much choice in the matter though ex doesn't see them his choice so I parent entirely alone. Life is shit.

@MintGreenC but I'm so miserable now. I can't see how things could be worse

Appreciate this but for short term help whilst you get out and get your other son settled it might have helped

But not an option. You need family help, who do you have close by?

Then leave. My situation is a lot different as I have 4 and he left me; I also have no family help, haven't had a night to myself in 7 Years. You might find it better than I do as you are the one wanting to leave.

@HelloMiss I have my mum but she has no room and my son still asks repeatedly to go home.

Have you considered speaking to women's aid? All abuse is abuse

@MotherOfRatios yes I'm going to call them tomorrow

Just say ok later over and over til the new situation becomes the new normal 🤷‍♀️