Tips for a heartless person?

[Cowardlybitch]

I've had a friend since secondary school. I've been there for every drama in her life. The illness as a teen, the bridezilla years, the husband being a contrary ass-hole, the early childcare years, the husband having a life-altering illness, a parent being gravely ill. In between dramas, I heard relatively little from her. I've had my own traumas in that time and to be fair, I haven't reached out for any support. Mentioned things in passing but I prefer not to dwell on things that cannot be altered. I'm not saying my way is better - it is just better for me.
Whilst her husband was ill, I kept in touch, sent things to cheer her up, phoned for updates. All fine. Husband now in recovery and post-covid, we can meet up but I feel like a therapist. The details of everything bad in her life is relayed in a constant monologue with the occasional break for me to make comment or ask a question. It is so depressing. I feel absolutely drained. The meet-ups are always on her terms - when she can fit me in and where she wants to go.

I have a husband who is in comparatively poor health, a really stressful new job, a parent who is ill and no family support. I don't want to hear for 2 hours solid about her husband's sad life, her son's mental health problems, how much of a pain her MIL is, how she is struggling with her horrible colleagues. Every minute detail.
Asking me how I am two minutes before she leaves is not my idea of a fun time. I don't see the point in focusing on all that is wrong in your life for literally hours. It might make her feel better but it certainly doesn't me. I don't mind listening to the odd moan when I'm out with friends but no one else makes me feel like they are sucking the life out of me. Apparently I'm "so easy to talk to" - I get this in between each account. But I acknowledge she has not had it easy these past few years - far harder than I have to be fair.

I have to qualify this by saying she is a nice, kind person who is very religious and community minded. If I said anything, she'd probably just pray for me for being so heartless and selfish.
Before anyone starts, I know I'm being a total bitch. I am also too cowardly to put on my "big girl pants" as people type on here, send her one last text explaining, wishing her well and then blocking her.

Any tips to navigate this please?

Send Christmas and birthday cards but always be too busy, and gently withdraw from the friendship.

I had a friend like this once. I couldn’t manage the friendship longterm as she always needed more attention than I could give. I wished her well and parted ways. You’re not being a bitch OP and she’s not a friend.

You are not a bitch, nor are you heartless.

She sounds a bit clueless.

Can you say 'sorry, I've got a lot going on for the foreseeable, I'll let you know when things are easier.'

You might need to send this message more than once.

In what sense is she ‘nice and kind’ to you? Or is that just for other people?

People like your friend seldom see the issue, understand your point of view or change.
You have to be the one to change. Distance yourself, contact her less and swerve suggested meet ups.
When you no longer have her emotionally draining you, you'll notice a big improvement in how you're feeling.

I meant she does a lot for her community in her spare time and has spent a lot of time caring for family members - ferrying them to appointments, nursing them, running the house. I guess at the expense of her own happiness which must be hard.

You could try asking her if there is anything good that’s happened since you last met up. Push that side of things more. But generally I agree with the others that she’ll find it hard to understand that she makes herself more miserable by focusing on the negative so much, have absolutely no concept of how it might affect you, and she won’t change. So really, you need to be too busy most of the time and withdraw.

It doesn't make you heartless not to want to listen to shite moaning.

She’s not really a friend and life’s too short for selfish people with no self awareness. Just let her be someone else’s problem.

I tried that @RawBloomers but she referred to one incident involving spending a lot on a high ticket item and then it was back to the monologue. I even tried hinting that I'd been reading about focusing on gratitude as I really absorb negative things and she said it was important then back to the awful stuff. I even think she does appreciate the good things - she must or how would she cope? And her faith probably helps too . I've always played the role of an unpaid therapist. I'm a good listener but I want to filter what I read and listen to as I've realised it makes me feel really depressed. It's like I absorb things and take them on as though they're my own problems.

I took a massive step back from a family member who's like your friend. We were once very close.
I now never initiate contact, she does, but doesn't seem to have noticed me withdrawing.
Her messages are reams of who's upset her, who's been mean to her, her awful workmates, her neighbours and the town where she lives. Paragraphs of moaning, drama and it's all about her.
I read them but very seldom reply.
I frequently ding her phone calls and have not met up for over a year.
She's uninterested and oblivious to anyone else's life, problems or health.
Life's a bit less stressy for me with far less contact with her.
She'll no doubt be bending some other poor bugger's ear, she doesn't care who listens, just as long as she's not expected to.