To have confronted brother about cocaine use

[Sholene]

So, my dad, brother and I went out to a gig a few months back (we booked tickets as a joint present for our dads favourite band)

we ended up going back to my mums house and when my dad went to bed my brother was sniffing cocaine (I always knew he did but promised he quit after he had the baby)

My Mum bless her thinks he is at a much better place than he was years ago but I don’t think he is. I found out him and his girlfriend had a row and he was staying in a hotel and confronted him about my concerns (I had had a few wines)

He then became really angry and told me to stay out of it and he never gets involved in my life. My mum is now questioning why we have fallen out but I can’t tell her. He just has such a good life at the minute with his baby and girlfriend and really don’t want him to mess it up.

His responsibility and nothing you say will change it if it's in an argument. You could send him a link for Narcotics Anonymous and counselling and say you're there for him if he needs help addressing his issues.

You have the best of intentions but no one can help him except him. He needs to grow up.

Just feel a bit shit as he has just had a baby and now we have fallen out.

Yes, it is shit, drug users don't think about other people but this isn't on you to fix.

You'd be happy to see him assaulted or his girlfriend or child harmed? No of course not.

You are happy to see young black men and many in central America killed because of the drugs trade? Of course not.

Tell your mum this, of course having a son who is indirectly racist is not a nice thing.

What??

It sounds like he’s had a stressful time and things aren’t going well and you had a bit of a go at him rather than being supportive?

Yanbu - although you can't make him do anything, of course you're right to say something. To normalise it is wrong. He's cross because he is defensive - very normal for an addict.

But now you just have to leave him to it - you've said your piece.

The op doesn't need to have a go at him for his drug taking bit why on earth does the op have to be supportive of it?

I didn’t say, and do not think, she should be supportive of his drug taking.

Don’t protect him. Tell your mum if she asks. Drug users rely on folk enabling them and he has to face consequences of his actions. You didn’t run to your mum to tell her, you just told her the truth when she asked. If she starts to nag him about it then it might wake him up!

Tell him you love him and it came from a good place, you’re just really worried about him. You really wish he’d stop the drugs now that he’s a father and has responsibilities, but you won’t say any more about it. Tell him you’ll be there for him if he decides he wants to sort it out.

I have. He just said I need to stay out of his life. Hopefully he will come round I shouldn’t have said anything.

Report him to the police for cocaine use and to the social services as he’s a drug user looking after a child. He’s totally irresponsible and the child needs removing to safety.

The police can’t and won’t do anything about someone using drugs- if that was in their remit they’d never get anything else done!

Whether SS can act on that information, I don’t know but I would think they’re very unlikely to remove a child from parents on the basis that one of the parents is a recreational drug user.

I mean, what does it actually do for you as when we were chatting he says he cannot have a drink without it. We were at a family meal which involved a few drinks, since have it then? He disappeared for ages as apparently needed to go to the shop, maybe I am overthinking it

What it does for you is increase your heart rate and make you feel very awake and aware. It can also make people grind their teeth/jaw and talk incessantly. It can make people more aggressive than usual. Some people use it on a night out because it gives them more energy so they can stay up later, dance more and it also enables them to drink more alcohol than they would usually manage.

I took it a fair few times when I was young. It’s a nasty, nasty drug. Addictive, expensive and as PP said- there’s a whole load of human rights atrocities behind its production and distribution.

If people are at the point of having it during family meals, that is a problem.

I’m in my 40s and I do know two or three people who take recreational drugs (albeit not cocaine) but it would be once or twice a year at a festival or something like that, when they’re well away from their children and their responsibilities and have a weekend to let their hair down. Still risky of course but not necessarily a problem in terms of their responsibilities, and not an addiction in those cases.

I don’t know if he is, it maybe just a recreational thing. I do hope it is!

Report him to the police for cocaine use

the police won’t care. And using drugs isn’t an actual crime, only possessing them is.

Hopefully, but one thing that is a bit of a red flag for me is that it sounds like he’s using it alone? Most people who use drugs recreationally would do so as part of a group. Is his partner aware of his use? Does she take it too?

So what?....his choice to have a baby and his choice to take cocaine why on earth are you feeling guilty?

Alcohol will be a trigger, just like it is for nicotine

Cocaine also helps people stay with it if they drink to excess - they don't get drunk and incoherent, so to speak

He's chosing to take drugs what is to support?? Tough love is needed in this situation. I mean she hasn't told his parents so he should be grateful for that.

The Guardian did some articles recently on the Cocaine Trade and its consequences.

Crime, Political Instability and the abuse of children in the drug trade are a few of the things that happen.

My personal view is that there is a strong case for treating users of Cocaine & other drugs the same way we treat kiddy porn users because of the impact their drug use has on others