Pick up and drop offs: child contact with father.

[GoldenPeacock]

Just needed some advice please if I'm being unreasonable as I feel I'm not however nice to get some opinions.

Seperated from partner 4 years ago due to DV & DA. Coparent has moved 3.5-4 hours away to live with mother away from child. Been in the court arena more most part of that. Final conclusion was to attempt to coparent, fortnightly overnight stays. Father to pick up after school (which he hasn't maintained due to the travel i pressume, and times varing being 1hr to 2 hrs late) and to return child at certain times which in the past 6months has been later and later, from 6pm to now 9.30pm.

When taken back to court the judge at the end of the hearing requested we compromise travel without having further evidence.

Coparent is insiting that I travel either midway if not all the way to drop child off.

My reasons have been that I choose to work those hours Friday 5-7pm, Saturday 6am -9am I study online, 9 til 6 I work. On Sunday from 3am til 8am I catch up on all my house chores and prep for the week this is every week. Then work from 9 til 5.30pm. I run worshops which is expanding my career. This allows me to catch up with my work and ensure the additional hours missed during the week are caught up. Ive always choosen to finish at 3pm inorder to pick child up and spend time with him and stuck to this routine. And subsequently these weekend of work help greatly with finances.

I've explained this to father that working is essential at the moment to be able to provide care, stability and basically survive in this current climate. His response is that he can increase the CM from 26 to more if I do the pick up and drop off. As he is loosing 600 pounds. I find this hard to believe and accept as of his unpredictable nature and past experiences. I also get no additional help with any of the expenses, regarding extra activities, tuition or school trips, renewal of travel documentations etc. Because I've refused the drop offs have become later and later.

Even if I travelled out after work I would get there late, return even later disturbing child's routine and impacting his wellbeing. Being returned late has already shown me this. As he's tired for the week ahead and has school on Monday.

Child is 5yo. I see the impact this is having on him. I've made suggestions of staying local, renting an air b&b, using longer school holidays to go the distance. I've just been ignored. I'm now seeking mediation.

I'm at the beginning of coparenting and have been to mediation.
If mediation results in an agreement request the notes at the end of the meeting as both need to agree. Mine would have cost £35.
My ex agreed everything and within two weeks went back on everything, won't agree to me having the notes, so it was a little pointless. We are now heading to court.
Sounds like your ex is using your son as a form of control with you, I would seek legal advice. I wouldn't be voluntarily agreeing to doing the drop offs. He chose to move, a 5 year old needs routine and sleep, but also the financial impact on your family. And his offer of money for travel he would just use as another form of control.
Also if he has agreed to a plan and is now unable to facilitate it I would offer day visits only until he is able to support the plan that he agreed to. He thinks by pushing he can get his way and make as little effort as possible, but actually he is showing he is incapable.
I am now going to court unfortunately, but I'm hoping the written agreement creates routine and boundaries... I'm not holding my breath though as my ex is never ever wrong. Hope you manage to get somewhere, my eldest is the same age as yours and they understand some but not all so it is confusing for them.