Advice Needed - My Guilt Over Wanting To Change My First Name

[MariaVon]

So, everyone knows me by Elly, my nephew was confused when I told him my name was actually Eleanor. I am thinking about changing my name legally to Elly, I've thought about it for a while now. Me and my boyfriend are getting married and I thought this could be a good time to change my first name and second name at once. But, I am feeling quite guilty about wanting to do this. In many ways I associate Eleanor with official business, and getting told off as a child. People often mispronounce it (it's pronounced EleaNER but people always pronounce it EleaNOR). My parents always pronounced it EleaNER, but the past few years my Mum has started to "have a joke with me" and call me EleaNOR because she knows I hate that pronunciation. I feel annoyed by the name Eleanor, because it feels like my parents called it me because they wanted something posh, when really my name (the name they actually called me day to day) is Elly. I love my parents and don't want them to feel sad if I drop Eleanor completely. I'm so torn what to do. I've spoken to different people about it, some say change it (my siblings included) but siblings said that my Mum may be sad I'm dropping Eleanor, my friend said she could never change it as it's what her parents gave her, my boyfriend said not to change it and the people that know me, know me as Elly so what difference does it make. I feel so guilty about my feelings towards it. I wish my parents had just registered me as Elly!
Am I being unreasonable to my parents by wanting to change my name, or am I not being unreasonable to my parents by wanting to be legally recognised as my name, Elly? I would love some advice and opinions on this please. Many thanks in advance.x x

I think you’d be creating unnecessary extra hassle for yourself. Lots of people go by their shortened name. No need to officially change it.

Eleanor is a beautiful and elegant name when actually pronounced correctly (in idiosyncratic English usage, to be sure). If your phonetic renderings are accurate, nobody close to you, including yourself, appears to be doing so! ELL-A-NOR. Perhaps you'd be fonder of it if it sounded nicer.
Check out Eleanor of Aquitaine; a great lady to have as your namesake.

Do what you like OP. It’s your life and your name.

I agree with @Illstartexercisingtomorrow. Why go through the unnecessary inconvenience of officially changing your name to the name you are known by anyway?

If it makes you happy then do it. You don't need to change your surname on marriage tho unless that makes you happy too.

I see no point in "officially" changing your name. You go by Elly, then that's it. It's not fraudulent to use Elly in any way you see fit as you're not trying to hide your real identity. You may have to use your given name on some major things like a passport, but does that really matter?

It’s not at all unusual to go by a shortened version of your name. I would think a lot if not most people who are called Eleanor go by Ellie. Personally I don’t see the point in changing it. That being said it’s your name and your life so if it’s something that really bothers you, you should change it if you want to. I don’t think you really need to consider your parents’ feelings in this. It’s your decision and they should respect that.

I hope I've misunderstood this because it sounds like you're telling OP that the way she pronounces her own name (which is also the most common way to pronounce her name in the UK) is wrong.

I was in the same position as you. I'd actually grown to hate my "real" name because it was only ever used if I was in trouble or by strangers.

My Mum was really upset that I wanted to change it even though she was the one that created my nickname that was used by everyone. As a compromise, I changed my name officially but kept my original name as a middle name.

I still get the occasional comment from my Mum, but it's my life and name, not hers. There's no right or wrong, have you asked your Mum how she would feel?

I was christened with a name but have always gone by the shorter version. My dad was the only one who called me by the original name when I annoyed him. My gran asked an ey on the end as did a special friend which I loved.
It seems a bit of a faff to go to all the legal trouble but if you feel the need there's no reason for your mum to know is there?

I wouldn't change it. Elly is a perfectly logical nickname for Eleanor.

Changing your name officially won’t magically stop your parents calling you what they want. In fact, they might see it as a red rag to a bull.

I have always gone by a shortened version of my name, leaving my actual name for tellings off when I was younger and for any legal documents. No one I know has ever actually used my real name in the day to day. My parents used my actual name to stick to a pattern with my siblings, names ending in -a, but never intended to use it (think Sandra, nn Sandy).

While I don't particularly like my given name and feel like the nickname version suits me more I wouldn't change it. Mostly cos it doesn't really interfere with my daily life (everyone knows me as nn), a little cos it would maybe upset my parents and honestly cos I couldnt be bothered by the hassle.

That being said, it's your name and your life OP. If it's something you really want to do then you should, regardless of how others feel.

Er, I grew up British.

It sounds like you are pissed off at your mum and associate this anger with the way she calls you your full name when she is annoyed at you. It feels like a retaliation “fuck you” to change your name. Just have it out with your mum, she’s pissed you off about something, get to the root cause.

I think it would cause unnecessary upset to your Mum.

I've been known as a shortened version of my name since my teens and I'm now in my 50s. Friends and colleagues have only ever known me by the shortened version.

I feel quite disconnected from my real name, and even more so from my middle name. I only use them for very official forms like passport renewal.

But my Mum said once that she thinks of me as my real name and that her and my late Dad chose it because they liked it. I think she still uses it when talking about me to other people.

Although that name doesn't mean anything to me, it's important to her so I wouldn't legally change it.
Your Mum probably feels the same about your name.

Btw, I think Eleanor is a lovely name. I think of it as a classic name rather than a posh one.

Why do you need to legally change your name when Elly is short for Eleanor?

Thanks everyone!

No, it's definitely not this. I have a great relationship with both my parents usually I'd just go to them with anything and discuss it, but I feel like I want to have fully thought it out before I take this to them.

It's entirely up to you OP, but I really don't see the point?

Lots of people use shortened versions of their name, it's totally normal and not worth the hassle of legally changing it IMO.

You don’t ever need to introduce yourself to anyone as Eleanor or use it for anything except your passport and driving licence. I don’t think I’d bother to change it legally. I have a friend called Ellie and I’ve genuinely no idea if that’s her full name or whether her birth certificate says Eleanor; I’ll have to ask her!

If you want to change it, go ahead. You don’t need to tell your mum.

No, she's saying that other people mispronounce it. And lately, her mother!

OP if people call you Elly I see no reason why you should make it 'official'. Of course you can feel what you like. But all the paperwork etc etc is so much hassle.

Correct people when they mispronounce your name.. sure..

As someone who changed her first name absolutely do it. I did have the blessing of both my Mum and Dad and nobody ever dead names me and hasn't in over 30 years.

I never understand this whole long version of your name and a shortened version, some names just don't lend themselves to it and so the nickname is often as long as the original name. My sister gave her first child a long name which was shortened from day one. With her second child she just used the shortened version as their legal name.

Change your name legally to Elly and don't believe the you can call yourself whatever you like bullshit because there will always be someone or some organisation who insists on the full name because that is your legal name.