To want to spend time with my family!

[mumstheword1982]

I have am almost 12 year old DS and 9 year old DD.
We've fallen into a habit of all in separate rooms each evening and not spending time with each other. DD watching YouTube, DS gaming.
Have just told them and DH I feel sad we don't have quality time anymore and want to do family game night once per week (used to do it a lot last year). Scrabble, uno, frustration etc.
DS has basically said he rather go to bed early than do games night with us. I'm so upset.
Any ideas to get back some quality family time we seem to have lost?

Do you sit together for dinner?

dinner is and was always the time we get together every night without fail. DC are 14 and 18. Without that we would rarely see them

Tell DS it's fine if he wants to go to bed early instead. Have family time with DD and DH. Make it fun and DS will come down and join in. His reluctance will be age based more than anything, don't take it personally.

We sit together for dinner when they aren't at clubs, so at weekends mainly.

Does it have to be games? Could you have a family film night? Days out?

which is why we limited the DC to one club a week. We need family and down time

Does not have to be games, it was just a suggestion but I'd like more options. Have sat my DH down to brainstorm some ideas too.

We eat dinner together almost every night. We have one SAHP. We all do our own things after dinner (no screens for kids, similar age to yours). Crucial for each of us to contemplate, process, think, plan for the following day etc.

I think your competition is gaming and YT, both of which are literally invented and designed to be addictive and maximise engagement. Get them off their screens, they’ll automatically spend more time with you.

The older they get towards being teens the less time they’ll want to spend with you.

Be strict on screen times. Now it’s getting lighter/warmer on an evening could you suggest going for a walk after dinner for either coffees/hot chocolate/ice cream. Have dinner in the garden (garden furniture permitting) I always feel really peaceful afterwards. Movie nights with popcorn and blankets/forts in the living room. Games nights that incorporate screens like Kahoot.

Honestly a 9 year old really shouldn’t be sitting on her own watching YouTube. Do you have any control over the content she’s watching? I have daughters a similar age and 1) I wouldn’t allow this and 2) they wouldn’t want to spend all their time in another room watching YouTube

The older they get towards being teens the less time they’ll want to spend with you.

This.
We would eat together every night, but I didn't expect my dc (or dh for that matter) to have to be in the same room with us.
We spent time together when we take them to places. I get that one of us might want to read a book, one be gaming, one watching TV, one faffing about on You Tube or elsewhere on the internet, or facetiming friends or whatever. I think that is FAR more usual than all sitting round playing games when there are so many options that would appeal to most people.

As PP said, you need to start by restricting screen time. If you do that, and offer alternatives, it should fall into place.

They are growing up. What about a family meal? Day out?

A takeaway or dinner out so you all talk. Choosing a board game or a jigsaw. Going out for a walk with no headphones etc. Visiting places at the weekend. Again no phones.