AIBU to seek a good telling off/the frighteners to be put into me after this...

[Rebecca496]

Posting in AIBU for traffic. I am not seeking sympathy here, quite the opposite. I know I messed up and want to hear what an idiot I have been - mainly to deter me from doing this again.

I have just lost £166 on the Fixed Odds Betting Terminal (FOBT) playing roulette in a bookmakers. I was in there for no more than 15 mins and lost it. I kept on putting another £20 in and taking riskier bets to try and win back what I had lost. Eventually my purse emptied of cash. I am sort of glad that I didn’t have any more in it as I think I would have kept going. I have never had a 'gambling problem' before, but have noticed recently that I have been going into bookmakers and playing these machines a few times when I have been on a bit of a low ebb. I have mainly spent small amounts, and have always pretty much broke even.

I had a bit of a low ebb today, however tonight I lost way more than I intended to. I could have spent that on so much better stuff than what I did just spend it on. Sigh. I am sorry I couldn’t be stronger and stay away. Hopefully this will teach me a lesson. Those machines are lethal. I can’t get over how quick money can be lost on them. Even though the stake is only £2, the machine can be pressed every few seconds so money disappears in minutes. I only intended to play with £10, but when I lost I kept on putting more in.

I am angry at myself for even going into the bookmakers, and mores for not stopping. It is only when I ever feel down do I gamble. I used to notice this with the lottery (I would only buy tickets when I felt a bit low), however in the last two months I have been going into bookmakers when feeling a little low and I know this is not great.

I don't want sympathy. I know I messed up and hope this will teach me a very valuable lesson. If anything, I would be grateful to hear of your (or anyone you know's) experiences with these Fixed Odds Betting Terminals in the hope that what I read will give me a good old shake and scare me from going to them again.

I enjoy things like travel and could have had a couple of nights away with that money, or even a really nice day out. Instead, it went in a few minutes to a bookmakers. The worst of it is that I did it when feeling low. Please give me a good telling off, and scare me from doing this again. I am somewhat scared this may get worse otherwise. Tomorrow I intend to use the self-exclusion process these bookmakers have so that I can't go back. Hopefully that will work.

Don't hold back in telling me what an idiot I have been, or your experiences with these FOBT's.

Definitely use the self-exclusion process. Maybe make a list of all the things you could have spent £166 on, and look at it every time you are tempted to go back into a betting shop.

Well done for recognising you have a problem, and yes, definitely self exclude. FOBTs are evil and should be banned. Are you getting any help with your mental health?

FFS. I honestly feel sick and it’s not even my money.

BUT

You need to tell someone in real life. Posting online isn’t going to hold you accountable. You need to see someone’s face because honestly, you don’t sound as shocked as you should. Tell a friend or family member and then seek help.

It’s happened, we are all entitled to make mistakes, you recognise this.
I wonder if you were to self impose a ban on luxury’s and things until you’d saved up £166 to replace it - you’d feel better.
Having said that - it was foolish and money is hard earned so avoid temptation and don’t go anywhere near these sites.

@Holliegee - It was in-person bookmakers. I don't even want to know about online gambling....

Yeah, that is along the lines of what I was thinking. Sort of a self-sacrifice (of luxuries) so that I feel some tangible consequences. Perhaps along the lines of just buying minimum necessities for a couple of weeks and cutting out all 'luxuries' so that I can 'pay myself back' so to speak.

With a gambling problem you need professional help and you need to let someone else take charge of your finances . It's hard but like any urge it can be overcome and you need to keep reminding yourself of the fact winning is very very rare and unlikely. And the fact you didn't win is more likely to make you not gamble again whereas if you do win it reinforces the belief it's a worthwhile activity. If you ever get such an urge again set a timer for at least two minutes. Give yourself time and space to think whether it's worth it (spoiler- it's not)

Hopefully you have given yourself enough of a shock , my son at one time got into gambling in the bookies to the degree that he would gamble all his wages on the day he was paid, he had a partner and young child at the time he lost both of them as his partner couldnt take any more , gambling is creeps up on you and you dont notice till the situation is dire my mom used to say you never see a poor bookie but lots of poor punters

@Isseywith3witchycats Yes, I agree. The bookmakers looks like it had just been newly decorated and looked very well off (in terms of presentation indeed). It was pretty quiet in there, but I lost £166 and I heard the punter on the next machine to me continually cursing at the machine so it didn't seem he had a good time there. Always a rich bookmaker and a poor punter...

I know that it is not really relevant to my loss, but making a point on a wider basis I am rather shocked how there can be quite so many bookmakers on the hughstreet. They are literally everywhere, and apart from fast-food outlets and restaurants, they are the only thing still open at this hour in my town.

You cannot punish yourself into stopping. It just won't work that way.

Instead think about strategies to reduce opportunity or temptation.

They need cash? Stop carrying cash.

Don't go near them when out shopping. Maybe change where you shop first a while.

When you are low, think of other comforting ways to make yourself feel better. Even a bar of choc would be better than gambling.

And request exclusion from the shops. Don't think this is something you can handle on the sly - face into it.

NHS information on gambling
OP do have a look at this even if you don’t have a big problems. As PP have suggested tell someone irl.

This had information if you want to self exclude from physical betting shops.

Do you use the machines regularly?

@BatteryPoweredPeacock Thanks for tips re self-exclusion.

I have visited this website here and am going to register now. I have never did online gambling but I will ban myself from that for 5 years in case the temptation ever arises.

I will also go into the shop in person tomorrow and bring whatever ID I need to self-exclude.

To be honest, having been in bookmakers a few times over the last couple of months I feel that they are places of complete misery. I can't speak for others but I only feel like going into them when I am feeling low which says a lot in itself. On one occasion, I sat in a bookmaker in Manchester city centre and watched a man lose about £500 by a playing a spin game on three of these FOBTs at the same time before the cashier came out and told him to stick to one machine.

These bookmakers are places of utter misery...

I was going to go for a day out in London tomorrow. Maybe would have spent £20 on petrol to go there and another £30 when I was there. That is an obvious cutback now. Will stay at home instead and try to do something more productive, and of course think that the money I would have spent on a day out is now lining a bookmakers coffers!

@Prawncow Before two months ago I have never used these machines before in my life. Over the last few months I have been using them a couple of times a week, but mainly stuck to low amounts and largely broke even. Today IU just didn't stop and kept feeding it more and more money.

Then you’ve nipped it in the bud before it had a chance to get really bad. Machines are incredibly addictive. That’s why they have them.

I think it’s good you didn’t win!!!
Imagine you had won, you would be hooked for life.

£166 is a good price to pay to cure your gambling for good. Delete all access and never ever do it again, it’s a mugs game.

I used to work in a bookies when I was student.
The business took so much money off so many people who could ill afford to lose it. It was a sad and desperate place, filled with people trying to get a fix of dopamine, like junkies. Most of them didn't seem to care about the money at all - they were all looking to fill a void.
I can't go into them anymore.

OP, in my view, this isn't about the money you've just lost but it's about what you will lose if you don't get some intervention. You've identified that you are betting to give yourself some boost when feeling low. Betting is a progressive problem, so what happens is as time goes on, you become numb to the boost that worked before so you end up spending more money more frequently and it can spiral. I know someone who ended up selling the property of family and friends to fund his addiction. I think you could be on the precipice of a problem here.

The good news is that you've identified it and are looking for help, that's a great positive first step. Self-exclusion is a good idea but it might help the symptom and not the cause, and addiction finds a way. Please go and seek help immediately and tackle the root cause so that you find healthier, safer ways to deal with your challenges. You're absolutely not alone, there's lots of help out there . See if you can confide in someone to keep you on the right track too. Good luck.

I have never used online gambling, but I have just registered for the GAMSTOP for a 5 year self exclusion to stop me from ever signing up to that. Tomorrow I will go to the bookmakers in person to do a self-exclusion so that I cannot go back to the in-person betting shops, as that is where I have been going.

And the reason for that is...they always win in the end. And punters like you always lose.

Keep that in mind. You are just a walking bank account to them, marked "sucker". Don't give them the money or the satisfaction.

This is a good website for anyone else struggling by the way. The links are very good:

https://www.begambleaware.org/self-exclusion#:~:text=Self%2Dexclusion%20means%20asking%20one,via%20their%20website%20or%20app.

I have done the GAMSTOP one and have printed out the form for the SENSE one (I have also, to my shame, been visiting the 235 Casino in Manchester a few times also when I have been in the city) to ban myself from the casinos.

Will do the Moses one tomorrow morning.

This seems like a bit of a drastic step, however I am also tempted to do a Subject Access Request to the bookmakers I have recently visited (including the one I went to this evening) requesting the CCTV footage they have of me in there. I am thinking of doing this alongside my MOSES form - just so they will remember me and therefore I will know that I should not enter. I know the Data ProtectioN Act wasn't made for this, but a small part of me thinks that the bookmaker may aswell do some work for the £166 they clawed off me when I was low. They are scourers of human misery, right? Or would that be a bit too much, and I just should just stick with the MOSES form?

Be very careful , as speaking from experience and someone who once a year will have a slip, tell someone in real life. It can be a slippery slope and so easy. The chasing the loss is something I am familiar with and so is the guilt and shame afterwards. That can be short-lived though until you convince yourself you will only spend £10 next time and you're down again.
Look at gamcare ,blocking software for computer,phone, fill out and online self exclusion form banning you from all UK gambling sites excluding national lottery. The gamcare sites also offer counselling and worth having a read. I wish you luck. Just don't beat yourself up. It happened and could have been worse 😊

Also self exclude at the shops too. You will feel proud of yourself

OP self exclusion is your friend x

I've succumbed to online gambling at my lowest points when I couldn't afford to - psychologically these machines are designed to create a dopamine hit.

It's no coincidence that gambling of all kinds is being promoted at the moment - people who are desperate will think "sod it" and there's the hope that there will be a big win to solve desperate financial situations, or provide extra money to solve other problems.

Guilt and shame are by products of it all. I have been a whisker away from ruin as a result and while feeling bad about it is a useful sign that you need help with whatever issue is truly driving the urge, please don't punish yourself too much because you've recognised the issue and are trying to address it.

Everyone makes mistakes - we are only human, and there is a huge uptick in promotion of damaging behaviours in the media because people feeling vulnerable are exactly the target, especially in these uncertain times.

I play a few free match three and casino games now to get the stimulus but never pay for extra credits because there is absolutely no return on them, but I watch myself because you end up wasting time not money, which can be equally detrimental.

As I say, all these things are absolutely designed to suck you in and keep you hooked, and once you realise that you can take back control. But it's hard.

Good luck moving forward - taking responsibility is the first step, and doing it before it gets out of hand is so important.I wish you all the very best.