To cut off my family’s access to our dog?

[GOT1996]

Me and DD have a 3 year old dog. He has had some behavioural issues which have been fixed but then keep going back to square one again due to my family constantly undermining it. For example, training him to remain calm when people enter the home but my family saying it’s fine, let him do what he wants, he isn’t going anything wrong and actively encouraging him to jump up - this is one of MANY examples.

I have tried speaking to them about it multiple times and they just are not listening and keep doing it. I see them fairly often because we all live in close proximity to each other. It’s really stressing me out and pushing me to the brink mentally and it’s creating a horrible home environment because he is starting to do these sort of behaviours again and again.

AIBU to completely cut off access to the dog for my family? For example, when they come round putting the dog in another room and not even letting them say hello to him and if I go there then keeping the dog at home. It’ll mean that they pretty much never get to see him but it’s critical he goes back to being properly trained and well behaved because him going back to his old ways because of what my family is doing is becoming really detrimental to my health and DD’s additional needs.

Just to add because I have seen it flamed on here before - he is a very good and trainable dog when it’s consistent and a joy/benefit to the whole household - it’s purely my family that are ruining this for everyone, including the dog. I have put this in the dog house chat but I don’t know what the traffic flow is like there as I’m not usually a poster!

YANBU

I would tell them again before they come. If they don't agree, or say yes then don't, then dog is not accessible to them. I'd stop them coming rather than shut dog away though.

I don't think you would be unreasonable to keep your dog away from your family under these circumstances OP. If at all possible, I would put the dog in a locked room - fit a padlock if necessary, so that they can't ignore what you say and gain access regardless, and train your dog, if you haven't already, so that you can leave him/her at home, while you go to visit the family. Just because you've chosen to keep a dog, doesn't give your family rights to access it, and certainly not to undermine whatever training you are doing.

I was thinking that might be the easier option - to just go to their house and leave the dog at home and then it just avoids the whole situation and the dog being shut away for something that isn’t really his fault - thank you 😊

Yeah this was a concern of mine - that they would sneak entry into where the dog was being kept regardless and then they would be banned from the house all together! He is pretty good at being left home alone (just sleeps all the time mostly) so I think going to their house instead gives a bit more control over the situation because the temptation of the dog isn’t there!

I'd try sitting down with them and having a very serious chat about exactly what the problem is and tell them that if they don't cooperate you will have to keep them away from the dog. I expect they won't initially cooperate and you'll have to remove the dog a few times, but once they see it is non negotiable they may change.

Unfortunately I’ve already tried that several times, I’ve even told them that it’s making me mentally unwell because of the stress - they genuinely don’t care and are just intent on winding the dog up everytime they come over so unfortunately I just feel like this is the only option I’m left with now 😕

If they don't care then I'd not bother with them at all.

Did you post this last week, I'm sure I read the exact same thread?

Me too.

They sound like total shits who enjoy distressing you and your dog. I'd go further than not letting them come round, I wouldn't bother seeing them at their places, either.

Do they just come unannounced, or do you know when they're coming?

I've had puppies that have got over excited with visitors, and I started putting them on the lead and having them sit next to me when someone came (and treat/reward them for staying calm) so that might be an option. The dog wasn't allowed to interact until visitors were sat down for a while, so more likely to do it calmly.

If your family can't respect that, and insist on winding the dog up, then YANBU to stop them from seeing the dog.

Meet them outside the door and be very firm. I had a dog that initially jumped up, and we'd cracked it in public but well meaning friends and family insisted they didn't mind. Same scenario. One day I met them on the pathway of our house and said they must ignore him completely and only greet him when all paws were on the floor. a chorus of but I don't minds/he's adorable but i said that i really needed their support in training and it was confusing him and actually endangering him and other people as he was liable to jump on a small child or elderly person and potentially really hurt them and wed be liable and have to give him up. (we wouldn’t have) but people don’t think of the consequences only that they love the greeting. In fairness they were all fantastic and it became a non issue as he stopped doing it completely after a few weeks. But I was extremely firm. If they can’t do it, then another room is the only way which is very unfair on the dog so hopefully they’ll see sense.