To defend parents or not?

[nickimeragg]

Basically I have an older brother who I believe either has a mental block or is a narcissist.

I am a female and my brother tormented me for years when I was a teenager.
He would verbally abuse me as well as hitting me as well, I was petrified of him.

My parents were aware of this and did nothing.

For some reason we maintained contact and it wasn't until I had my own kids that I completely cut him off as I didn't want my kids around someone so nasty and abusive as him.

Lately I have heard of other family members that he had been slagging me off about the fact that he had not met my kids.

When my kids were born him and his wife were practically forcing themselves around until I told them that they are not and never would be welcome to our home

I exploded as it was years of anger and the fact that he had gotten away with so much and he was still bullying me and now dragging my kids into this.

I told him how I felt and it felt good to finally be unburdened.

He went to my mum and dad and I don't know what was said but my parents wanted me to apologise to him as he was upset.

I exploded at them too - they had let him abuse me and stood back and did nothing.

My parents haven't met my kids either as I can't forgive them for not protecting me.

My mum told me that they are scared of him and how nasty he is to them, they said they were so scared that they couldn't tell
anything when he used to abuse me.

My brother often would tell me and my sister how he wishes he could "eradicate them from his life" but still demands he babysits his kids so he doesn't have to pay for childcare.
He really is a nasty piece of work, I loathe the man.

My parents failed me and are still failing me as even now they won't defend me to him.
But I understand that as pensioners they feel intimidated by him.

One thing I hate is bullies and he is one of them, I have compassion for people and I try to be kind to others.
I feel as if my brother needs to be told to stop bullying my parents as they are old and my dad has had cancer.

I'm not scared of him and I have told him this.

I just think it's so disgusting to bully pensioners.

Even though they failed me as parents and didn't protect me from him.

Is it worth saying something or let him bully my parents too?

I just feel as if he got away with too much and seems to of gone in life just bullying people and being nasty.

This is a really tough one.
My only question is: if you do say something to him do you expect it to make a difference? If not then is there any point?
Can you support your parents in any other way? How does he still intimidate them? Does he demand money etc?
It is really difficult to step up and support someone where you felt let down as a vulnerable young person. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Yeah it is a difficult one, he demands money of them and demands they look after his kids.

Nobody else speaks up as I feel that they are scared of him.

Report the elder abuse to social services and step away. Don’t get drawn into a war, especially as your parents will never back you up.

And this is exactly what it it. Elder abuse.

This to me seems the best thing to do OP, as even if you're not frightened of him now, he will only take it out on your parents if you say anything, putting them in a very vulnerable position, whereas at least you can walk away. Sadly it's there own problem if they've never had the strength to put him in his place, but you're obviously a kind and caring person, and I can see why you would want to protect them, even though they didn't step up for you.

Yeah the best thing would probably be to report him as I wouldn't want them to be harmed further by him due to his aggressive nature.

@KidsandKindness - thank you I do try and be a kind person.